Do you people ever grow up? Good God!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, no. Not if there's any level of attraction. DH is fiends with a woman he's known since high school. But she's a big lady and very tomboyish with 5 kids. He's not attracted to her so he's able to be friends with her. A "friend" he thought was attractive became flirtatious and was uncomfortable by comparison. So no.
It goes both ways though. I don't think women can be friends with a man they're attracted to either. It's never just a friendship.

Well, there's "attraction" and then there's "attractive people." I am good friends with a man who is very attractive - he has one of those movie star faces that is perfectly symmetrical, and he's smart and funny. I can look at him and say, yes, that is an attractive man. But I don't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with him. My husband is friends with several women who are absolutely stunning. If you asked him, he would say, yes, Sarah is a beautiful woman. But he doesn't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with Sarah or anyone other than me.

I think the problem here is the belief that a) friendships must not involve any level of physical attraction in order to be "real" friendships, b) men are automatically attracted to all pretty women, and c) when a man is attracted to a woman he wants to sleep with her and will do so if presented with any opportunity.

I think that's a very juvenile way to look at human relationships.

I think the problem here is mixing friendships with good acquaintances. People develop frienships when they spend a lot of time together, communicate often, and generally pretty engage. This is only possible within a sex you are not attracted to physically.

Yes, plenty of people hang out casually with members of the opposite sexes. This doesn't constitute a friendship. Friendship goes beyond hanging out.

I just completely disagree with you, PP. I think it's just as ridiculous to say "A friendship between attractive heterosexual members of opposite sex will be sexually charged" as it is to say "Sexual tension is never an issue in any friendship."

I'm a woman. One of my closest friends is a man. He lives about 6 hours from here, so we don't spend "a lot of time together" but we communicate nearly daily - about our lives (my kid, his cats, our partners), share recipes, bounce ideas off each other about professional stuff, gossip about old friends, etc. I would not say that my relationship with him is substantially different than my relationship with my best female friend, and I certainly don't want to sleep with him. To the best of my knowledge, he considers our friendship to be a real friendship. As far as I know, he isn't friends with me just because he thinks I'm attractive, and our friendship does not negatively impact either of our actual romantic relationships.

I think it's different when you are part of a group of married friends.
A man and a woman having a separate, independent friendship that is not part of couples? If the guy is straight and the woman is hot,
NOPE

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, no. Not if there's any level of attraction. DH is fiends with a woman he's known since high school. But she's a big lady and very tomboyish with 5 kids. He's not attracted to her so he's able to be friends with her. A "friend" he thought was attractive became flirtatious and was uncomfortable by comparison. So no.
It goes both ways though. I don't think women can be friends with a man they're attracted to either. It's never just a friendship.

Well, there's "attraction" and then there's "attractive people." I am good friends with a man who is very attractive - he has one of those movie star faces that is perfectly symmetrical, and he's smart and funny. I can look at him and say, yes, that is an attractive man. But I don't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with him. My husband is friends with several women who are absolutely stunning. If you asked him, he would say, yes, Sarah is a beautiful woman. But he doesn't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with Sarah or anyone other than me.

I think the problem here is the belief that a) friendships must not involve any level of physical attraction in order to be "real" friendships, b) men are automatically attracted to all pretty women, and c) when a man is attracted to a woman he wants to sleep with her and will do so if presented with any opportunity.

I think that's a very juvenile way to look at human relationships.

I think the problem here is mixing friendships with good acquaintances. People develop frienships when they spend a lot of time together, communicate often, and generally pretty engage. This is only possible within a sex you are not attracted to physically.

Yes, plenty of people hang out casually with members of the opposite sexes. This doesn't constitute a friendship. Friendship goes beyond hanging out.

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, no. Not if there's any level of attraction. DH is fiends with a woman he's known since high school. But she's a big lady and very tomboyish with 5 kids. He's not attracted to her so he's able to be friends with her. A "friend" he thought was attractive became flirtatious and was uncomfortable by comparison. So no.
It goes both ways though. I don't think women can be friends with a man they're attracted to either. It's never just a friendship.

Well, there's "attraction" and then there's "attractive people." I am good friends with a man who is very attractive - he has one of those movie star faces that is perfectly symmetrical, and he's smart and funny. I can look at him and say, yes, that is an attractive man. But I don't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with him. My husband is friends with several women who are absolutely stunning. If you asked him, he would say, yes, Sarah is a beautiful woman. But he doesn't want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with Sarah or anyone other than me.

I think the problem here is the belief that a) friendships must not involve any level of physical attraction in order to be "real" friendships, b) men are automatically attracted to all pretty women, and c) when a man is attracted to a woman he wants to sleep with her and will do so if presented with any opportunity.

I think that's a very juvenile way to look at human relationships.

It is all about chemistry. If there is chemistry on both parts then not going to be friends, going to start screwing. If only one part likes the other maybe friends but more likely unrequited love. If no chemistry at all on either part then best of friends. This doesn't matter what they look like. I have had great chemistry with butt ugly guys and didn't even know where it was coming from. No chemistry with guy that was spitting image of young Brad Pitt. Just didn't do it for me. Good friends to this day though.

In my opinion, no. Not if there's any level of attraction. DH is fiends with a woman he's known since high school. But she's a big lady and very tomboyish with 5 kids. He's not attracted to her so he's able to be friends with her. A "friend" he thought was attractive became flirtatious and was uncomfortable by comparison. So no.
It goes both ways though. I don't think women can be friends with a man they're attracted to either. It's never just a friendship.

I'm a beautiful woman and my best friend, other than dh, is a man. My friend has no sexual interest in me whatsoever. His boyfriend is not attracted to me, either.

Does this mean that if a person is bi-sexual, they can not be friends with anybody?

There's no cut and dry answer. My closest friends at work are one man and one woman and we all hang out together, have lunch together, etc. We all have significant others. (I'm female by the way). Our friendship started with just the three of us being tight, but over the years it's expanded to include our SO's. Now the six of us are always doing things together. We vacation together, celebrate birthdays together, have a big group text. But the original three of us were always open with our SO's and including of them in conversations and activities. When you can't be open and inclusive, I think there's a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% of guys "think" about it but 99% of guys DON"T act on it.

Yes. I'd say pretty much all men, when meeting or in the company of a woman, are mentally cataloging how much they'd like to have sex with them. In the case of extremely attractive women I'd guess that...while sex might not be an option, it's still a big distraction for a guy.

Anyway ladies, just so there's no confusion...yes your "guy friends" are imagining you naked and writhing beneath them. It's true. But as the PP said 99% will keep this to themselves.

That doesn't matter. As long as they never act on it, we can be friends. Just because they do this doesn't mean they are not my friends.

I have gay friends who have admitted they're attracted to me. Once it's out in the open it's not a big deal and we're still friends.

It depends. I am "easy on the eyes" and know lots of very attractive men but can only be friends if I do not feel any chemistry towards them. Attractive and even movie star handsome does not always equal attraction.

So it isn't a far leap to know that men feel the same: Only friends if there is no physical attraction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about the woman, but I know what the man is thinking about. I'm a guy and I do feel women can be friends with a man but the man usually has one thing in mind. If he wants a friend, there are many guys out there or he can get a dog

yeah, this guy is right.

- another guy

14:54 here.

How do your wives, mothers, and daughters feel about your low opinion of women?

You are missing the point. It's not guys have low opinion of women. Guys are just wired differently than women.

Guy here. Agree. It is not disrespect...just biological and laws of nature at play. Man is always in pursuit of the opposite sex.

I don't understand how it's not disrespectful to say that women rank below dogs in their value as a friend.

As for your second point about biology and the laws of nature. There is no natural law that says that your impulse to have sex with anyone you find attractive makes it impossible for you to be friends with that person. Why is that?

That is quite a leap. Drama much?

--np

I don't know I think with guys it gets in the way. I am not to bad looking and get plenty of looks and propositions. I have male friends, some very attractive, and I would be lying if I said the thought hasn't crossed my mind but I don't act on it and eventually the desire to do anything goes away. Then you look back and wonder what you were thinking and glad you didn't act on it. My issue is that I usually have to spend some time with a male friend getting him straight and making him decide if he wants to be friends after having been inappropriate in some manner. They usually pick friend and we move on but sometimes they have to be dropped as a friend.

Anonymous wrote:no. don't be naive.

Yes. Happily married/ whatever, I stopped worrying about trying to date.