Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am in a great, happy, fulfilling marriage, but "passion" isn't ever a word I would use to describe my relationship (DW here. High drive). We have two kids and I respect and deeply love my husband as a great match for my soul.
Right now, our sex lives are built on love and respect. As another PP noted, nothing else can fill the void of sex. We have sex 1-2 times per week, it is satisfying and provides us connection. It is based in love and kindness, but not passion. However, if we didn't both make the effort because we know we need to, sex could easily fall off the radar.
Do I dream about having a passion filled romantic life? Sometimes. But mostly I've told myself that I have a really great, loving, supportive, and amazing relationship. And would I want to sacrifice any of that to have passion? For me the answer is "no. that is not worth it to me."
This is similar to me and my husband,except we have one kid and have sex a lot less frequently and at this point mainly for TTC purposes (we've been trying for nearly a year with several miscarriages and we're concerned with getting timing right). I am fairly low drive. DH is less so but not high drive by any means; we were both virgins when we got engaged at the age of 27 and it wasn't a huge hardship for either of us. I respect and deeply love my husband, and I find him attractive. I believe he finds me attractive and I know he loves and respects me. But we don't necessarily always express that attraction physically, particularly with a toddler and concern about timing sex properly.
I don't really dream about a passion-filled life. I don't think I'd be happy. I've always been fairly cerebral and controlled and I don't have any desire to experience uncontrollable lust. There are a lot of men I find handsome and attractive but I've never really seen someone on the street or in bar and felt the urge to jump him. Just isn't my style.
I am very happy in my marriage, and I think DH is too. More spontaneous sex would be good. So would a second child. At the moment we're prioritizing the latter. I can see that we will have to work hard in the coming years to have enough sex to keep DH satisfied and I am ok with that. 3 or 4 times a month is satisfying for me but if DH needs more (and tells me so), he'll get it. Many people would probably define this as passionless but we're okay with it.