Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:50
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Op here. My parents had me when they were 31 and 34. They were both highly educated college professors. My mom has degrees in psychology and sociology. They're just assholes.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:49
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:This thread is funny. I'm wondering how old all of your parents were when this stuff was happening. I'm 48 and my parents were 22 and 25 when I was born. Some of the things they did were just things that all parents did: spanked with wooden spoon, pick your own switch, latchkey from 8 on... I would leave the house early in the morning on my bike and be gone all day (back when the street lights came on). If my mother had to come looking for me when it was dark, I knew that I was going to get it.
My father smoked like a chimney; in the house. So did both grandmothers, aunts, friend's parents, etc... I'm definitely a different parent then my parents were but I'm a product of the times and how they've changed. Sure... some of the stuff may seem abusive now but back then there wasn't so much interference into how people raised children and there wasn't an entire industry devoted to "sleep training" "WPPSI scores" "raising children who are competitive, etc...".
I don't spank my children and we have more conversations and I am way more engaged but I think that's all because EVERYONE has grown and evolved and learned... I attribute it to TV programming, news cycles, social circles, feminism, everything...
Stop blaming your parents for screwing up your life (or making you depressed or making you resentful) and just be grateful that you learned from it and are making different choices with your children.
So at what point does a parent become abusive? You're saying that none of these pps depression/anxiety/resentment is a direct result of their parent's behaviour? That they should just suck it up and deal? No one has any right to belittle another person's experience, even you.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:48
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
My divorced dad would take us to bars with him at night and then after drive home drunk. soooo scary!!!! Lots of crazy stuff he's done.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:45
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:
I don't spank my children and we have more conversations and I am way more engaged but I think that's all because EVERYONE has grown and evolved and learned.
I'm not so sure that they have. Look at the thread on "Raising older teens is challenging," take a look at all the dysfunctions and failure, and tell me if you think parenting devoted to friendship and conversations at all costs is really that much better.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:44
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:My parents did some ridiculously callous things by today's standards, but this stands out in my mind as the most egregious: My dad dropped us off at Disney World and went to the airplane museum and flew a biplane. He still brags about it today. Gets all salty and eye-rolly when I remind him that in doing so he also abandoned four kids at Disney for the entire day (open to close), with the oldest being about 11 or 12.
Maybe abandoned is dramatic? We were fine, in fact I (the oldest) even contemplated leading the group to Pleasure Island once it started getting dark and he wasn't back yet. But can you imagine that now? Two 11- or 12-year olds, a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old! No cell phones, either. Oy.
I think this is fine. I mean, I know it's illegal so I wouldn't do it. But I have kids with a 9 yr age gap and absolutely let the two older ones go off together while I stayed with the two younger ones in the baby section of amusement parks. They had watches and we had a meeting point. We'd agree "We will meet here at 11:45, it's 9am now" and off they'd go. They were around 9 and 12 when I started doing this.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:37
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
This thread is funny. I'm wondering how old all of your parents were when this stuff was happening. I'm 48 and my parents were 22 and 25 when I was born. Some of the things they did were just things that all parents did: spanked with wooden spoon, pick your own switch, latchkey from 8 on... I would leave the house early in the morning on my bike and be gone all day (back when the street lights came on). If my mother had to come looking for me when it was dark, I knew that I was going to get it.
My father smoked like a chimney; in the house. So did both grandmothers, aunts, friend's parents, etc... I'm definitely a different parent then my parents were but I'm a product of the times and how they've changed. Sure... some of the stuff may seem abusive now but back then there wasn't so much interference into how people raised children and there wasn't an entire industry devoted to "sleep training" "WPPSI scores" "raising children who are competitive, etc...".
I don't spank my children and we have more conversations and I am way more engaged but I think that's all because EVERYONE has grown and evolved and learned... I attribute it to TV programming, news cycles, social circles, feminism, everything...
Stop blaming your parents for screwing up your life (or making you depressed or making you resentful) and just be grateful that you learned from it and are making different choices with your children.
My father smoked like a chimney; in the house. So did both grandmothers, aunts, friend's parents, etc... I'm definitely a different parent then my parents were but I'm a product of the times and how they've changed. Sure... some of the stuff may seem abusive now but back then there wasn't so much interference into how people raised children and there wasn't an entire industry devoted to "sleep training" "WPPSI scores" "raising children who are competitive, etc...".
I don't spank my children and we have more conversations and I am way more engaged but I think that's all because EVERYONE has grown and evolved and learned... I attribute it to TV programming, news cycles, social circles, feminism, everything...
Stop blaming your parents for screwing up your life (or making you depressed or making you resentful) and just be grateful that you learned from it and are making different choices with your children.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:29
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:My parents did some ridiculously callous things by today's standards, but this stands out in my mind as the most egregious: My dad dropped us off at Disney World and went to the airplane museum and flew a biplane. He still brags about it today. Gets all salty and eye-rolly when I remind him that in doing so he also abandoned four kids at Disney for the entire day (open to close), with the oldest being about 11 or 12.
Maybe abandoned is dramatic? We were fine, in fact I (the oldest) even contemplated leading the group to Pleasure Island once it started getting dark and he wasn't back yet. But can you imagine that now? Two 11- or 12-year olds, a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old! No cell phones, either. Oy.
Hmmmm, at least he brought you somewhere to have fun---my parents would have just made us sit in the hotel room!
Seriously, I lived in Orange county, CA as a kid--and my parents would drop us off with our friends to hang out for the whole day, starting when we were about 12 or 13...
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:22
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I forget where I read it, but I read that back in the day, like pioneering times - they used to just tie toddlers to a post outside while the parents went to work out in the fields. Point being, we've come a long way.
And we see news articles of this happening in China to this day.
I guess I don't see what the big deal is. We evolved to Playpens, and many still use those, and the umc either has Mom or a nanny follow the kid everywhere around a childproofed room.
Does it really matter that much from the toddler's perspective?
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:19
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:Starting when I was three, they would just take off to go do errands/dinner/etc and leave me home alone. They never told me they were leaving, just disappeared and told me not to leave my room.
They used to have massive blowout screaming matches every few weeks--the end result being that my father would stop speaking to the family--sometimes for weeks until the next massive blowout.
Left me with my grandmother the entire summer when I was in ES--grandma not abusive, but, a thief. Every summer parents gave me spending $ for summer, grandma would take it to keep it safe and when I wanted to use the $, she'd claim I lost it. Bill collectors called and came to her house all day long.
Father repeatedly told me, he didn't want me (had kids from other marriages--who he never spoke to). When I was born, mom went to hospital alone, he never went or took time off work or told anyone his wife had a baby.
And a thousand other messed up things.
They were also physically abusive.
Sadly, they think they were great parents--it wasn't until I had my own kids that I fully realized how screwed up my family was.
Seems to be a theme here
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:18
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
My parents did some ridiculously callous things by today's standards, but this stands out in my mind as the most egregious: My dad dropped us off at Disney World and went to the airplane museum and flew a biplane. He still brags about it today. Gets all salty and eye-rolly when I remind him that in doing so he also abandoned four kids at Disney for the entire day (open to close), with the oldest being about 11 or 12.
Maybe abandoned is dramatic? We were fine, in fact I (the oldest) even contemplated leading the group to Pleasure Island once it started getting dark and he wasn't back yet. But can you imagine that now? Two 11- or 12-year olds, a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old! No cell phones, either. Oy.
Maybe abandoned is dramatic? We were fine, in fact I (the oldest) even contemplated leading the group to Pleasure Island once it started getting dark and he wasn't back yet. But can you imagine that now? Two 11- or 12-year olds, a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old! No cell phones, either. Oy.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:17
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:I forget where I read it, but I read that back in the day, like pioneering times - they used to just tie toddlers to a post outside while the parents went to work out in the fields. Point being, we've come a long way.
And we see news articles of this happening in China to this day.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:15
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:My mom used to give my brother and I Dramamine for motion sickness on long car trips. I DID get badly car sick, so this was on the advice of my pediatrician. My brother, however, just talked way too much, and the Dramamine knocked him out for hours. I remember hearing my parents snickering over this.
This made me laugh out loud. Sorry, PP.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:12
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Anonymous wrote:I forget where I read it, but I read that back in the day, like pioneering times - they used to just tie toddlers to a post outside while the parents went to work out in the fields. Point being, we've come a long way.
My husband grew up in poor, rural India and when my in-laws first moved to the city, where they knew no one, my MIL would tie her baby to a doorknob when she had to do work (like washing the clothes, which took her well out of earshot). Back in the country, she'd left her infant with his grandmother (and all the other grandbabies-- there were plenty) lying on the floor and come home to nurse him based upon where the sun was in the sky. She said she could always hear the sound of all the babies crying as she approached the house, since old grandma instructed her that this was very good exercise for the little one's lungs. More than once, a tied-up toddler was found making mud pies with his own excrement, since diapers were rather rudimentary if worn at all.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:06
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
Just forget to pick us up from school or activities altogether. (We were a big family.) I remember waiting hours sometimes.
Tell me regularly that my immorality (actually normal teenage stuff) was horrible and a bad influence on my younger siblings and that "Christ said it is better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be thrown to the bottom of the lake than scandalize the little children." Thanks, dad.
Basically no medical or dental care unless there was somthing undeniably wrong, like blood from a burst eardrum - I had to make the appointments myself once I got old enough. I remember being very sick and totally ignored.
Not allowed to talk about my deceased mother once he remarried (unless my stepmother brought it up first and discussed it the way she approved of) and having her pictures removed from the house.
Tell me regularly that my immorality (actually normal teenage stuff) was horrible and a bad influence on my younger siblings and that "Christ said it is better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be thrown to the bottom of the lake than scandalize the little children." Thanks, dad.
Basically no medical or dental care unless there was somthing undeniably wrong, like blood from a burst eardrum - I had to make the appointments myself once I got old enough. I remember being very sick and totally ignored.
Not allowed to talk about my deceased mother once he remarried (unless my stepmother brought it up first and discussed it the way she approved of) and having her pictures removed from the house.
Anonymous
04/04/2016 12:04
Subject: Crazy shit your parents did
My mom used to give my brother and I Dramamine for motion sickness on long car trips. I DID get badly car sick, so this was on the advice of my pediatrician. My brother, however, just talked way too much, and the Dramamine knocked him out for hours. I remember hearing my parents snickering over this.