Anonymous wrote:I think military boarding school might be the worst possible place for a kid that might have some mental health issues. You think pushups and bed checks are going to whip that mental illness right out of him? Good grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your story. It has been my life for so long. First, I am so sorry that your whole family is going through this. My son is now 21. We have been struggling since he was 12. We have dealt with numerous mental health professionals on his behalf. For the last several years he has refused any kind of therapy or medications, but we have continued to see a therapist for advice in transitioning him to adulthood. Throughout the years, his various diagnoses have been ADHD, ODD, Depression, etc. He has had every intervention you could imagine. Nothing has really made too much of a difference. It has been, and continues to be so, so exhausting. His time in college has been filled with drugs, alcohol, and recently he has dropped out. Until recently, he flat out refused to get a job. That was really the final straw. We have cut him off financially, which has not been a pleasant process.

Please do not listen to the people who are breaking you down. They lack empathy and any real understanding of what you are dealing with. We have done everything that they chastised you for not doing and it has MADE NO DIFFERENCE.

The only advice I will give is this. Tolerate No Violence or Destructive behavior. We have had to call the police twice. I would do it again. Your home should be your family's sanctuary, and tolerating violence undercuts that. I am happy that DH and I drew this line in our contingency plan, because when you are in the middle of an incident, it is difficult to know which way is up.

Best wishes and prayers.

NP here. This post saddens me as I see my son will be this. He's been difficult since age 3. We have tried EVERYTHING: therapy, IEPs, medication. He's now 12. Sometimes I get so angry that I'm pouring everything into a kid who I know will end up like this. But we keep trying.

OP. Find a good sleepover camp you can send him to this summer. Mine did a 2 week camp, hated it. But I.GOT.A.BREAK. It really recharged me and has gotten me through till now (next winter break he's going somewhere). I sold it to him as a chance to unplug and try new things. But it's really our family respite.

Don't listen to the nay sayers. They have no idea.

My thoughts are with you. Big hug.

If you don't want him around, send him to military school.

I'm the parent who sent her son to 2 WEEKS camp. All my kids attend sleepaways, my girls love it. Ok, hate was a bit strong. My son did not like his because the water was freezing cold (NC mountains n June). Other than that the camp was "boring".

Nothing wrong with kids going away to let parents catch our breath. A 2 week camp is not the same as military school. But we all know that.

OP, I agree with the pp who suggested collaborative problem solving and lots of praise.

Sending your kid off to a camp for 2 weeks to get a break is not helping the underlying issue. It is just you rather not dealing with it and counting down the days until he goes away to make it thru the next year. If you aren't going to parent him correctly, send him to military or boarding school, so they will. Or get a backbone and raise your kid correctly. Otherwise he is a danger to himself and others, and you will be left to blame.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your story. It has been my life for so long. First, I am so sorry that your whole family is going through this. My son is now 21. We have been struggling since he was 12. We have dealt with numerous mental health professionals on his behalf. For the last several years he has refused any kind of therapy or medications, but we have continued to see a therapist for advice in transitioning him to adulthood. Throughout the years, his various diagnoses have been ADHD, ODD, Depression, etc. He has had every intervention you could imagine. Nothing has really made too much of a difference. It has been, and continues to be so, so exhausting. His time in college has been filled with drugs, alcohol, and recently he has dropped out. Until recently, he flat out refused to get a job. That was really the final straw. We have cut him off financially, which has not been a pleasant process.

Please do not listen to the people who are breaking you down. They lack empathy and any real understanding of what you are dealing with. We have done everything that they chastised you for not doing and it has MADE NO DIFFERENCE.

The only advice I will give is this. Tolerate No Violence or Destructive behavior. We have had to call the police twice. I would do it again. Your home should be your family's sanctuary, and tolerating violence undercuts that. I am happy that DH and I drew this line in our contingency plan, because when you are in the middle of an incident, it is difficult to know which way is up.

Best wishes and prayers.

NP here. This post saddens me as I see my son will be this. He's been difficult since age 3. We have tried EVERYTHING: therapy, IEPs, medication. He's now 12. Sometimes I get so angry that I'm pouring everything into a kid who I know will end up like this. But we keep trying.

OP. Find a good sleepover camp you can send him to this summer. Mine did a 2 week camp, hated it. But I.GOT.A.BREAK. It really recharged me and has gotten me through till now (next winter break he's going somewhere). I sold it to him as a chance to unplug and try new things. But it's really our family respite.

Don't listen to the nay sayers. They have no idea.

My thoughts are with you. Big hug.

If you don't want him around, send him to military school.

I'm the parent who sent her son to 2 WEEKS camp. All my kids attend sleepaways, my girls love it. Ok, hate was a bit strong. My son did not like his because the water was freezing cold (NC mountains n June). Other than that the camp was "boring".

Nothing wrong with kids going away to let parents catch our breath. A 2 week camp is not the same as military school. But we all know that.

OP, I agree with the pp who suggested collaborative problem solving and lots of praise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your story. It has been my life for so long. First, I am so sorry that your whole family is going through this. My son is now 21. We have been struggling since he was 12. We have dealt with numerous mental health professionals on his behalf. For the last several years he has refused any kind of therapy or medications, but we have continued to see a therapist for advice in transitioning him to adulthood. Throughout the years, his various diagnoses have been ADHD, ODD, Depression, etc. He has had every intervention you could imagine. Nothing has really made too much of a difference. It has been, and continues to be so, so exhausting. His time in college has been filled with drugs, alcohol, and recently he has dropped out. Until recently, he flat out refused to get a job. That was really the final straw. We have cut him off financially, which has not been a pleasant process.

Please do not listen to the people who are breaking you down. They lack empathy and any real understanding of what you are dealing with. We have done everything that they chastised you for not doing and it has MADE NO DIFFERENCE.

The only advice I will give is this. Tolerate No Violence or Destructive behavior. We have had to call the police twice. I would do it again. Your home should be your family's sanctuary, and tolerating violence undercuts that. I am happy that DH and I drew this line in our contingency plan, because when you are in the middle of an incident, it is difficult to know which way is up.

Best wishes and prayers.

NP here. This post saddens me as I see my son will be this. He's been difficult since age 3. We have tried EVERYTHING: therapy, IEPs, medication. He's now 12. Sometimes I get so angry that I'm pouring everything into a kid who I know will end up like this. But we keep trying.

OP. Find a good sleepover camp you can send him to this summer. Mine did a 2 week camp, hated it. But I.GOT.A.BREAK. It really recharged me and has gotten me through till now (next winter break he's going somewhere). I sold it to him as a chance to unplug and try new things. But it's really our family respite.

Don't listen to the nay sayers. They have no idea.

My thoughts are with you. Big hug.

If you don't want him around, send him to military school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your story. It has been my life for so long. First, I am so sorry that your whole family is going through this. My son is now 21. We have been struggling since he was 12. We have dealt with numerous mental health professionals on his behalf. For the last several years he has refused any kind of therapy or medications, but we have continued to see a therapist for advice in transitioning him to adulthood. Throughout the years, his various diagnoses have been ADHD, ODD, Depression, etc. He has had every intervention you could imagine. Nothing has really made too much of a difference. It has been, and continues to be so, so exhausting. His time in college has been filled with drugs, alcohol, and recently he has dropped out. Until recently, he flat out refused to get a job. That was really the final straw. We have cut him off financially, which has not been a pleasant process.

Please do not listen to the people who are breaking you down. They lack empathy and any real understanding of what you are dealing with. We have done everything that they chastised you for not doing and it has MADE NO DIFFERENCE.

The only advice I will give is this. Tolerate No Violence or Destructive behavior. We have had to call the police twice. I would do it again. Your home should be your family's sanctuary, and tolerating violence undercuts that. I am happy that DH and I drew this line in our contingency plan, because when you are in the middle of an incident, it is difficult to know which way is up.

Best wishes and prayers.

NP here. This post saddens me as I see my son will be this. He's been difficult since age 3. We have tried EVERYTHING: therapy, IEPs, medication. He's now 12. Sometimes I get so angry that I'm pouring everything into a kid who I know will end up like this. But we keep trying.

OP. Find a good sleepover camp you can send him to this summer. Mine did a 2 week camp, hated it. But I.GOT.A.BREAK. It really recharged me and has gotten me through till now (next winter break he's going somewhere). I sold it to him as a chance to unplug and try new things. But it's really our family respite.

Don't listen to the nay sayers. They have no idea.

My thoughts are with you. Big hug.

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your daughter, one of your kids needs to go to boarding school

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental illness my ass. Stop making excuses. Mental illness doesn't only happen at home. Mental illness isn't a switch that he turns on at home only. It is a parenting fail that can be fixed but first, start by getting yourself some mental help.

Exactly. The entitled "It can't be me, they must have a disorder or an illness"

If the OP was that concerned, she would have had him see a psychiatrist years ago. A complete workup, group therapy treatment, maybe even take him out of school. And if the counselor she is supposedly taking him to, saw any red flags, they would have immediately referred her for more help. Something is not adding up here. If you truly believe he has a mental condition, you don't vent on DCUM, you get immediate help. This just seems like another mom who has lost control of her kid.

Shame on you and anyone else who believes OP's son is merely an entitled kid. When someone reaches out to an anonymous forum and has to write unflattering words about their child that suggest a mental illness -- trust me when I say, those people wish they had the problems of an entitled child.

Until you have walked in our shoes, you must trust others judgement about their children. It takes great bravery to post to DCUM about these issues, because of ignorant responses such as yours.

Please do some research. Find some empathy. You will become better people.

Shame on you to diagnose a child from one anonymous post as having a mental illness. He has never even had a psychiatric consultation!!! How do you know he has a mental condition that is causing him to be this way? How do you know that he is not acting out because he can get away with it? That it is hormones, friend issues etc... Why hasn't the counselor picked up on these so-called mental issues and demanded he get a psychiatric evaluation. How come no one in school has mentioned anything? Please do some research on abuse of diagnoses and overmedicating kids in the world of parents that can't take the time to teach their kids how to handle themselves. Everyone is perfect, everyone gets a trophy!! Yay!!! Shh, don't let anyone see you crying. Stop acting out! Get good grades, be a good friend, be involved. Kids do not have a SECOND to themselves to even understand who they are. They are never left alone. Always told to do this and that. Parents are doing it all wrong and it has EVERYTHING to do with the increase in disorders, medications, and mental issues. And the fact that you all just assume this kid has a mental illness and needs medication from one post is proof.

A counselor isn't necessarily a psychologist. A psychologist can do a referral to a psychiatrist, a run-of-the-mill counselor can't.