This is how women work op. Do not trust them. You should stop seeing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely inappropriate. Where are your boundaries?

+1 You are talking about "life." Married men don't do that over lunch with single women. You are having an emotional affair whether you realize it or not.

Stop socializing with this women.

You people must be incredibly insecure in your relationships with your spouse. This type of smothering leads to affairs.

Anonymous wrote:Would you invite your wife to lunch with your colleague?

+1 I think this is the best way to gauge how innocent a relationship is. I'm single, early 40s and go to lunch with a married colleague a couple of times a year who is my age. I think we'd both be completely comfortable with anyone else at the table, including his wife. We talk about work, he gives me advice on career advancement and we talk lightly about sports as we are from the same home state.

Anonymous wrote:This is why women can't get ahead at work. Because lunch with a co-worker 3-4 times a year has to be run by his wife.

Ridiculous.

LOL

OP, are you sure you're in you mid-40s? Better check with wife!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely inappropriate. Where are your boundaries?

+1 You are talking about "life." Married men don't do that over lunch with single women. You are having an emotional affair whether you realize it or not.

Stop socializing with this women.

It's once every 3 to 4 months. That would be a pretty pathetic emotional affair.

Quarterly lunches are NBD, OP! In fact, they may indicate that you're not really even close friends because friends see each other on a regular basis. If you were seeing this person 3-4 times weekly, that might have been a concern.

Do you ever invite others on these lunches?

Here's a test: invite one or two other people to join you. Are you still enjoying lunch? Can you go back and forth between a lunch "just the two of you" and lunch in a slightly larger group?

If tension develops, maybe something's under the surface?

Another test: are you feeling some tension?

If you're feeling mixed signals, why?

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely inappropriate. Where are your boundaries?

+1 You are talking about "life." Married men don't do that over lunch with single women. You are having an emotional affair whether you realize it or not.

Stop socializing with this women.

I can't even read this whole thread, but dh does it all the time. I did it when I worked in a male dominated field. When on business trips I would have access to some high end restaurants and it would often appear that I was on a date with a co-worker...it was just 2 people having a meal. Only once did I have to talk to dh about a particular woman who made me uncomfortable (with good reason) and he respected that.

Don't marry someone you don't trust. Trust your spouse. Love each other and be honest and open. Life is too short to worry about lunch plans.

A married man having lunch alone with a woman he is attracted to who he believes is attracted to him: dangerous game. There are those alpha male cheaters who set out to cheat, but most cheaters never think they will cheat until they are in it. I would start inviting another person or two to join you for lunch, and make sure that you are signaling this woman that you are absolutely unavailable.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely inappropriate. Where are your boundaries?

I have to agree. You find her attractive. You are doing too much explaining and justifying and posting here. Its nonsense. You know its fishy. So stop.

Exactly how deep does the attraction towards her go?

Ask yourself an honest question here....IF she (hypothetically of course!) propositioned you, would you (hypothetically of course!) accept her offer knowing you could get away with it??

If you are not 100% sure....No 99.999% will not cut it.....Then I think you will know the answer to your own question.

Good luck!

I'm single and go to lunch with married men I work with sometimes. Maybe you can't, but I and the guys I go to lunch with CAN be "just friends."

I would NEVER get involved with a married man. It goes against my morals, to do that to a fellow woman.

haha. A single female has lunch with you 3-4x a year and you think she's interested in you romantically?!!!

HILARIOUS.

OP You are really sweet and obviously good-hearted and devoted to your wife. I think this is totally fine. If this woman was interested in you, she'd make it clear I'm sure. If she ever does, deal with it succinctly and end the lunches. If you start to feel attracted to her and thinking at all about being with her, then end it. Wife should know about this - that could be awkward I guess - but really shouldn't be a big deal at all. You're a good egg. Good luck to you.

Grow up everybody - men and women can have lunch together....honestly, some of you have the maturity of a twelve-year old.