No

"No gifts, please" is perfect. Or, accept all 30 gifts graciously, and ask her to pick a few gifts she's luke-warm on to donate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you bring all 30 kids out to volunteer at the foodbank for an hour or two and then treat everyone to pizza after, or you can even skip the pizza after.

That would be really radical, and actually involving your daughter and her friends in something.

Food Banks typically won't accept such young volunteers.

These same parents would then complain about pressuring their kids to engage in unpaid labor for a cause that makes the birthday child's arents look good.

Seriously, it's no-win with these people.

Anonymous wrote:How about you bring all 30 kids out to volunteer at the foodbank for an hour or two and then treat everyone to pizza after, or you can even skip the pizza after.

That would be really radical, and actually involving your daughter and her friends in something.

Food Banks typically won't accept such young volunteers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Ok. Let's say we do that.

Two weeks later, your DC comes over for a play date and says, "Hey, let's play with the XYZ I got you for your birthday!" My DC then says, "Sorry, but we didn't open the presents. We just donated them all to ABC."

Or maybe the topic of XYZ somehow comes up at recess or during Show and Tell or Buzz News or whatever because your DC indeed picked out the coolest and best toy for my DC's birthday. And then my DC somehow mentions that actually it was donated, unopened, to ABC.

How would your DC feel about that?

How would YOU feel about that when your kid comes home and tells you all about it?

Would you graciously explain to your DC that what we did with his or her gift was a-ok because the recipient can do as they please with the gift your DC so thoughtfully picked out and purchased with your hard-earned money?

Or would you come right on over here to DCUM to rage how obnoxious and inconsiderate we were for not telling everyone we would just be donating the gifts?

Or would you instead just "vent" about it to the parents of other party-attendees, and discuss how greedy and self-serving we were for "claiming credit" for the donated gifts that you all actually purchased?

Seriously, PP. How exactly would this go?

Are you sure you wouldn't have preferred just to buy a box of Cheerios for a hungry family and call it a day?

Anonymous wrote:Would a poor person be sending an invite announcing how many things their child has and that they just can't endure any more?
No?
Then it's pretentious and showy, don't do it.

Can you explain why you can't donate the toys? Not getting why that's not the best option, done quietly and not "bring a toy so we can donate it!"

Yes, donate the toys. Or go through her toys ahead of time and have her decide what to donate and make room for the gifts.

I and likely many others prefer to decide myself where to donate, or even if to donate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

Why wouldn't you skip the birthday party and use those funds to make a donation to the shelter and has the time to make the donation and work at the shelter.
Why in the world would you teach your child to present and feel proud of food and supplies she got other people to buy? I'm not seeing the great act of philanthropy when other people are doing the majority of the giving.

You're overthinking this.

We're not playing it up to our child (or anyone else) as some big community service thing or a "great act of philanthropy," as you said.

And we're not telling our child to feel proud about any of it, including other people's contributions.

It's just something we do sometimes. And if other people want to contribute, that's fine. If not, that's fine, too.

We're talking about cat food. This really isn't a big deal.

But it's not something you do sometime.
It's a once a year birthday which in the 8 and under set is a big deal.
And if you're not telling your child to be proud and it's nothing, then why in the world would you make it a request on a personal party invitation?
If it's just cat food, then swing by Safeway the next day, load your cart up and drop it off at the shelter.
That's all I'm saying.
No need to make what is more of a show about what you admit is not a big deal

Nope.

It iS what we do whenever we visit the animal shelter.

This is a non-profit, no kill shelter that relies on private donations and community support. They welcome visitors and we bring pet food whenever we visit to "help the animals." We've also made monetary donations, which our kids know about, too.

I continue to be amazed that anyone could possibly be offended by this.

OP here. The responses are helpful. I'm glad I asked this question before the party. I never thought that donating to a food pantry is a political statement. One of my goals is to teach my children to give back to the community and those less fortunate than they are. I see the point that a birthday party may not be appropriate for this. I'm not comfortable accepting gifts from other parents and the turning around and giving it to someone else. With the food pantry donation, everyone knows that this is where their gift will go. I'll mostly likely do a "no gift" invitation. It's a nice problem to have. DC wants to invite her whole class and having 25 kids at a public park with pizza and cake is fairly simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel sorry for the poor kids whse parents turn their birthday parties into a political statement with the whole food bank thing.

Feeding hungry people is a political statement?

Through their child's birthday party? Absolutely! If the intent is just to feed hungry people, she can go to Costco and buy a bunch of food and go donate herself. Or forego the birthday party and spend the money on food for the hungry. Or organize a food drive that does not involve her child's birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:Our food drive at my church has specific instructions not to give canned vegetables and more things like mac n cheese, fruit in plastic (like peaches for kids and mandarin oranges), dry goods for the same reason as PP. People don't want to eat a can of peas and carrots and prefer things like cereal, frozen meals, etc

wow. Talk about entitled.

Anonymous wrote:Our food drive at my church has specific instructions not to give canned vegetables and more things like mac n cheese, fruit in plastic (like peaches for kids and mandarin oranges), dry goods for the same reason as PP. People don't want to eat a can of peas and carrots and prefer things like cereal, frozen meals, etc

Well, they should. More so the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it reads like this
"Oh dear, we have sooooooo much stuff for our daughter, you cannot believe the piles and piles of toys we have. We are so lucky that our family is involved, generous, I'll just come out and say it "disposable income", on top of what we provide, and we just can't handle any more plasticky crap that your $15 and under budget will bring. I mean, that was fine at your kids birthday last week when I brought a coloring set, but I don't want that crap at my house. I know you guys are struggling a little and that the extended families are estranged, so don't feel badly. So any who,
I thought it would be great to take a bunch of things you guys bring over to drop off at the food shelter, to teach my daughter how to ask others to support her cause (you never know when she will need to GOFundMe for something, no time like the present!) and avoid the junk you usually bring.

No, it probably doesn't read like that for most people. Some of us just live in small homes (or townhomes/condos/whatever), and want to celebrate milestones with friends, but don't want more "stuff" in our space, but realize that people feel obligated to bring something so...here's an option to do some good with what you bring).

But, your narrative was entertaining

Toys for Tots or something similar. Also good, solve the problem and you are not being rude telling guests what to bring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want all the gifts, donate them. But don't tell your guests to bring a donation for your child's BIRTHDAY party. The guests are invited to celebrate your daughter's birthday. They are not invited to a food drive, they are invited to a birthday party. What you and your daughter do with the gifts is up to you, and what your guests bring is up to them. Bring the gifts to a homeless shelter. There are lots of needy/ homeless kids in this area according to the news. They'd appreciate your donations, I'm sure.

I find it more disingenuous to invite kids to a party, have those parents select and purchase a gift and then without telling them, donate all the gifts without using them. At least if you TELL them "If you bring this gift, we are donating it," they know. I spend quite a bit of time trying to pick out birthday party gifts that the birthday child would enjoy. If you want canned food, that's a lot easier for me to pick up. Just tell me.

I'm the pp you responded to. I also shop for & buy a nice gift for the birthday kid, but if the recipient doesn't want it, they can use the gift receipt to return it, or donate it. Once the gift is in their hands, they have every right to do whatever they want with it. I think op is being a weirdo. She isn't the only one who gets overwhelmed by gifts. Every parent has been there. Doesn't give her the right to turn her daughters party into a canned food drive.

Our food drive at my church has specific instructions not to give canned vegetables and more things like mac n cheese, fruit in plastic (like peaches for kids and mandarin oranges), dry goods for the same reason as PP. People don't want to eat a can of peas and carrots and prefer things like cereal, frozen meals, etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.

This is crazy. I don't believe you. I also volunteer weekly at our local food pantry and canned goods are always used/taken by our clients.

LOL!!! Ok. I have reason to lie about this. Not. I volunteer 3x a month at LIR, this is the case for our demographic. We get lots of fresh stuff they would prefer over canned and nearly all request no cans.