Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bus his plate ? WTF kind of thing is this ? I keep reading this particular statement from you women. You CHOSE to stay home. Your JOB is to make your husband's life less stressful.

Stop acting like you're a princess.

You women? You sound like an angry husband.

Any asshole should be able to put their plate in the sink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Honestly, you sound awful and terribly disrespectful of someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your staff.

+1
I was cringing at how self righteous and important sounding you think you are when you stated "I don't cook" "I don't clean" and calling him a chore mule.
You really come off at disrespectful and domineering. I hope you don't come across like this to your husband

I'm a SAHM and honestly it's blunt, but I am the chore mule. I do the heavy, dirty work at home. I go out of my way to make things easier for my husband who's working because it's my chosen role for the family. If I expected him to clean or split things 50/50 the second he walked in the door, I sort of don't see the point of being home full time. Things need to be easy, easy for him. That's my role here. To make sure everyone's lives (my husband, the children, and mine) run smoothly and without too much strain.

Atta girl, have those slippers waiting for him at the door.

You people are so confused about this thread. OP stated that she does the majority of the housechores. But, the DH can still bus his own plate, yet, he still expects her to even do that. It's a friggin plate. He seems to just refuse to do this because he is taking things out on her. Immature, selfish, and disrespectful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Honestly, you sound awful and terribly disrespectful of someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your staff.

+1
I was cringing at how self righteous and important sounding you think you are when you stated "I don't cook" "I don't clean" and calling him a chore mule.
You really come off at disrespectful and domineering. I hope you don't come across like this to your husband

I'm a SAHM and honestly it's blunt, but I am the chore mule. I do the heavy, dirty work at home. I go out of my way to make things easier for my husband who's working because it's my chosen role for the family. If I expected him to clean or split things 50/50 the second he walked in the door, I sort of don't see the point of being home full time. Things need to be easy, easy for him. That's my role here. To make sure everyone's lives (my husband, the children, and mine) run smoothly and without too much strain.

Atta girl, have those slippers waiting for him at the door.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the exact same as yours (no help, won't bus his plate, etc.), only I work full time and he works part time. I've so had it. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, or about helping, he erupts and calls me names, etc. If it wasn't for the kids, I would be so out of here now, but am just biding my time to make sure I can financially afford the divorce.

He's a man and he work part time! I assume he's looking for a f/t job? Geese, yes get yourself in a good position; sounds like a selfish sob. Well he's really not going to like paying child support etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Honestly, you sound awful and terribly disrespectful of someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your staff.

+1
I was cringing at how self righteous and important sounding you think you are when you stated "I don't cook" "I don't clean" and calling him a chore mule.
You really come off at disrespectful and domineering. I hope you don't come across like this to your husband

I'm a SAHM and honestly it's blunt, but I am the chore mule. I do the heavy, dirty work at home. I go out of my way to make things easier for my husband who's working because it's my chosen role for the family. If I expected him to clean or split things 50/50 the second he walked in the door, I sort of don't see the point of being home full time. Things need to be easy, easy for him. That's my role here. To make sure everyone's lives (my husband, the children, and mine) run smoothly and without too much strain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Honestly, you sound awful and terribly disrespectful of someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your staff.

+1
I was cringing at how self righteous and important sounding you think you are when you stated "I don't cook" "I don't clean" and calling him a chore mule.
You really come off at disrespectful and domineering. I hope you don't come across like this to your husband

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I look at it from another perspective. I WOH, and DH is a SAHD. My work is not very stressful, and I chose to work a long time ago for a variety of reasons. Basically, I'm very much like you DH in that respect--married or single, I'd be doing what I'm doing.

Here is the kicker. I absolutely expect DH to do the chores. He is the chore mule, that is his job. I am putting in long hours these days (not by choice, but it is what it is now) and sometimes come home exhausted. If I do my dishes, it's a bonus. If I don't, I don't hear a squeak about this. He does it, I sincerely thank him for that. I do not shop, I do not clean. I spend time with DC, and I do volunteer to take over, because I know how tiring small children are. Again, it's a bonus. If I'm not up to it, tough shit, he'd better man up and feed the baby, bathe the baby and so on.

I think it is psychologically easier to think of a man as a chore mule. When it's a woman, such thoughts are tantamount to misogyny. But that's the only way this SAH things works. Tilt the scale either way, and it affects your relationship negatively. Yes, DH should appreciate what you do, it's not an easy job. And if he doesn't, I don't know how you can fix that. Counseling maybe? But it doesn't change the simple fact that you are an alma de casa and should live to the name.

Good luck working this out. It doesn't happen easily for everybody, you may be better off going back to work in a couple of years.

Honestly, you sound awful and terribly disrespectful of someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your staff.

Anonymous wrote:Bus his plate ? WTF kind of thing is this ? I keep reading this particular statement from you women. You CHOSE to stay home. Your JOB is to make your husband's life less stressful.

Stop acting like you're a princess.

Anonymous wrote:I'm SAH by default because we moved right after DS (1yr) was born, and I haven't found a job. We have a very low cost of living now, and few expenses. I also stockpiled a lot of cash before leavin my job, so we have decent savings for future expenses (bigger house etc) down the line when I start working again. So this isn't about money/financial pressure. DH has a stressful job, and a lot of responsibility gets piled onto him. But he's had this job for many years- it's not like he had to step up because he got married and had a baby. He would still have this job if he were single. Anyway, he's starting to resent me-he makes offhand comments about how he hates going to work and he's jealous of me. Lately, he's doing zero housework. He doesn't even bus his own plate after dinner. If I don't pick it up, it will sit there for eternity. The one delineated chore he's supposed to do is trash, but he hasn't done it in weeks. I don't want a fight, but this is becoming really irritating, and I feel like a chore mule. I feel like because of his resentment, if I say something, he's going to be a jerk about it and we'll get in a fight. Any advice or btdt?