Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the whole thread, just the OP. All I can say is, I sympathize.

Every time the ILs visit they stay with us in our 1 bedroom apartment in DC. We used to give them the bedroom out of respect for them but now that we have a child who sleeps in a crib in the corner of our bedroom, we stay in the bedroom and they sleep on an air mattress. Yup, an air mattress. They'd rather sleep on an air mattress in our living room than get a hotel room. Not to mention that there's a reasonably priced hotel TWO blocks away from us, and our child still wakes up at least once a night so it's not like they're getting the best sleep of their lives. Indeed, I often hear the next morning about how loud DC is (we live on the first floor of our small co-op buikding).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My family (both sides) are the exact opposite. It is considered offensive to get a hotel. Everyone is expected to cram into the house, kids on the floor (sometimes 8 of them), etc. I look around my house and realize we have all these extra beds and pull out couches and service for 24! In a million years, I wouldn't expect my mom or in-laws to stay in a hotel, and if we tried to get a hotel when visiting them, I'm pretty sure we'd be disowned.

So you need to figure out if that is the kind of family DH comes from, and if so, just know you are bucking tradition and hurting feelings, so you need to approach it that way. Not that you have to let them stay there, but that you need to know that what you are asking may seem very rude and impersonal to them and so should be handled sensitively. Your DH should have a sense of his now family in this regard. Ask him where they stayed when visiting family when he was younger.

Hotels are offensive?

You're crazy.

Anonymous wrote:The pp who thinks her father looked like the ass is seriously looking bad to me. How heartbroken her father must be to know that her mom is welcomed with open arms but he is not. All because he voiced a concern that he felt you don't treat family like outsiders.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My family (both sides) are the exact opposite. It is considered offensive to get a hotel. Everyone is expected to cram into the house, kids on the floor (sometimes 8 of them), etc. I look around my house and realize we have all these extra beds and pull out couches and service for 24! In a million years, I wouldn't expect my mom or in-laws to stay in a hotel, and if we tried to get a hotel when visiting them, I'm pretty sure we'd be disowned.

So you need to figure out if that is the kind of family DH comes from, and if so, just know you are bucking tradition and hurting feelings, so you need to approach it that way. Not that you have to let them stay there, but that you need to know that what you are asking may seem very rude and impersonal to them and so should be handled sensitively. Your DH should have a sense of his now family in this regard. Ask him where they stayed when visiting family when he was younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had the same problem when my kids were small, OP --- but with my OWN parents! It drove DH and I crazy but we made the decision together and stuck together on it. I dealt with it since it was my parents (not fair to make your spouse deals with your difficult parents). My dad was the problem. He just believes that staying in an hotel isn't visiting family and no matter how much we explained and talked it through with him (my mom tried many times too) he refused to stay in a hotel. My parents are very well off (millions) it was totally not about money. I know his feelings were hurt and I tried so hard to soothe him but, he decided to make it about feelings instead of comfort/convenience/space and he refused to budge. The end result is my mom would come by herself. And, the kicker in my situation, when she came by herself she would stay with us because 1.) one person was much easier to accommodate, 2.) she is an easy and helpful guest, unlike my dad, and 3) no one wanted her staying all alone in a hotel. But it just equaled a bad situation.

End result, my dad looked like an ass to everyone but himself and he lost out not getting to see his grandkids and me very often (and he does still love me and I love him). We now have a house that has a guest bedroom but they don't come because he has gotten too old and physically fragile to visit.[/quote]

How sad. Do you wish now that you had backed down?

Having tons of people in my house would make me crazy but this post should give us some perspective.

Good God no!! Having my dad stay with us when it would have caused mounds of stress and discomfort would have led to much worse such as unbearable tension in my marriage, anger and frustration with my father (and vise versa), bad memories for my kids, etc... We would be in a much worse place all around.