We went through this and the posting responses of frequent meetings...then head of (lower, middle, upper) school meeting...then meeting with HoS are the accurate indicators. Definitely not an easy process but as other folks have pointed out if you end up at a better fit school then it was the best course of action.

In our case several weeks after our child started at the previous school we weren't sure it was a good fit and were seriously looking for a better fit school. The administration of the school we left, however, treated us horribly and without respect or understanding during the process. Not great to go through but made our decision a no brainer. We subsequently found out there was bullying going on (once in a safer school our child began telling us about incidents at the previous school) that explained some issues with our child's behavior and we have had no behavioral issues at all at the new school. Child is so much happier everyday going to school and it pains us that we did not see this about the previous school (we ended up only being there for 2.5 months, but still.)

One thing to be aware of is if you leave during the school year you will only get about 60% of the unused remaining tuition even with tuition insurance. Not a deal breaker, but good to know ahead of time.

Best of luck--it does get better!

Freqent meetings. Standing meetings. Questions about "where do you see your child in the long term". Lots of questions about what you are doing at home to address this issue.

I can see where a donation can make an impact, but also think about if your kid doing something that disrupts the environment (kicks the chair every day of kid B and makes it hard for the teacher to teach) and you deny the issue (or claim he's doing it because he is bored and needs more challenging work), but pretend kid B is in a family of 3, and teacher is being courted by another school, yet has to endure monthly meetings at 7 a.m. and hear from a family that the she doesn't know what she is talking about (maybe from you, maybe from the kid's other parent who writes really nasty emails), that director has to think about the fact 4 people may leave so your 1 can stay.

Above is true for Sidwell. One of these kids is now a straight A student at a good OOS college. Admitted on the basis of high test scores. She was immature in high school and is now more motivated. She was not counseled out with lots of Cs and B- Kids do change overtime

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So does this mean that no students at private schools have Cs? Does everyone have a GPA over 2.3? I though there was no grade inflation?

There is no grade inflation, but the students who are getting mostly C's are going to get pushed out. They are a drag on discussions in small classes and they are going to fare poorly compared to their peers. It's better for all that they find a better fit. Some will not get their contracts renewed (if accompanied by poor behavior) and others will be strongly advised to seek a less intense academic environment. Some really smart students can't excel if they are reminded all the time that someone else is smarter/harder working etc. So a less competitive environment than found at SFS, NCS/StA, or GDS could really be a boost to reaching their full potential.

For the Upper School level, at least one of the schools in the PP's list gives out plenty of C grades and students don't get pushed out for having them. If somebody is in the upper school and passing all the subjects and making a reasonable effort and ok on behavior, they will have no problems staying. (It's a different question if a family wants to keep their kid in that school or look for an option where the kid will get higher grades, but some keep the kid there if the kid is happy socially.) If somebody has all Cs coming out of middle school, it may be different, though -- I only know about high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can not imagine anyone in the right mind would share a story of their DC being asked to leave to another parent from the same school!

That story does not ring true.

What? Really? Our DC was counseled out and after a certain amount of time I was happy to tell the mailman because I was so happy that we were no longer with that school.

Are you kidding? Everybody knows, so you might as well get out in front of the story. See PP below:

As a private school graduate, everyone knew, from students to parents, who had been expelled (which happens rarely, so of course it's a scandal that everyone knows about) or who was being counselled out. It was never a secret. The faculty or administration wouldn't explicitly state why such a student was being counselled out but in a small school environment (sub 100 per grade) the students know who's doing poorly academically. And someone would always ask why so-and-so was leaving and the teacher's response was always, "it's a better fit for *insert leaving student's name here* elsewhere." We all knew what it meant, and of course we told our parents in the typical after-school chatter.

Private schools are akin to small towns. Everyone knows everything about everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:So does this mean that no students at private schools have Cs? Does everyone have a GPA over 2.3? I though there was no grade inflation?

There is no grade inflation, but the students who are getting mostly C's are going to get pushed out. They are a drag on discussions in small classes and they are going to fare poorly compared to their peers. It's better for all that they find a better fit. Some will not get their contracts renewed (if accompanied by poor behavior) and others will be strongly advised to seek a less intense academic environment. Some really smart students can't excel if they are reminded all the time that someone else is smarter/harder working etc. So a less competitive environment than found at SFS, NCS/StA, or GDS could really be a boost to reaching their full potential.

Anonymous wrote:I can not imagine anyone in the right mind would share a story of their DC being asked to leave to another parent from the same school!

That story does not ring true.

What? Really? Our DC was counseled out and after a certain amount of time I was happy to tell the mailman because I was so happy that we were no longer with that school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were counseled out of big 3. DD's grades hovered in the C range during freshman year. Then put on academic warning. Had meeting with class dean and director of upper school saying if grades do not go up she will need to look for a "better fit" for junior year. Grades did not really go up first quarter of sophomore year and she as taking 4 not 5 classes. Met after quarter 1 grades in and told to actively apply to schools. Applied out and was accepted at Edmund Burke, St. Andrews, Holy Child, not accepted at Field, Visi and Holton. Grades marginally improved and school said she could stay - but then said in light of college apps in a few year what schools would she get in to with a 2.3 GPA? Not good ones. Would fare better in college admissions if higher GPA from another school We ultimately sent our DD to Burke. Honors student and got into a selective liberal arts college. Much happier with the different pace and student body. School did us a favor in the end and though the process sucked, they were right.

So does this mean that no students at private schools have Cs? Does everyone have a GPA over 2.3? I though there was no grade inflation?

I think no students have Cs across the board at these schools. A C or two, sure, but not a C in every class.

One thing that comes through so many of these first-hand accounts is how much happier the child was after going through the painful process of being counseled out.

Sometimes, the school just isn't the right fit for a particular child. It's nobody's fault, it's just a mismatch of personalities or styles.

This happened to my brother many years ago - going from an all-boys, athletically focused, non-intellectual environment to a smaller, co-ed, more supportive school. Almost from day one, it was clear how much better the fit at the new school was, and he did so much better than ever before after switching.

Schools aren't in the business of being heartless, or turning away paying customers. But sometimes they possess expertise that enables them to know when they're not the right match for a student.