OP has become increasingly defensive in thread and is now making neighbors out to seem like monsters because she doesn't like the responses she's getting.

Really, OP, it's you that sounds like a monster.

Anonymous wrote:
You have a reason, not an excuse.
"Sorry kids, you smashed DS's lego sets yesterday, didn't apologize, clean up or build it back up again, so you can't come in."

You shouldn't be afraid of disciplining someone else's kids in your own house. Unless you're a pushover with your own kid as well?

I like this - teachable moment. Good to have friends nearby to play with .

^ agree!!

You give-up your effectiveness as your child's parent if you rely on your children for adult friends.

Siege control.

Neighborhood moms would turn us away if we showed up if they just didn't feel like having us there. They allowed no running in the house. At one friend's house we weren't allowed in the living room, ever. At that house we played in the basement on the concrete floor. And it was cold. And we had a blast.

^^ Yes, yes and yes. I'm the person you quoted and I have to say, that's the lesson I learned in all of this situation. As I've gotten older I've learned that I don't have to please everyone, not everyone will be pleased and I don't have control over other's feelings. It was liberating in a way. I didn't mean to hijack the thread- but rather just to point out to one of the possible outcomes for being firm with neighbor's kids.

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the pp from page 2---- the last straw was when one of the neighbor kids took our pet gerbil out of the cage and we asked him not to- the kid said "you are not my dad!" to my husband. That, in addition to his wild behavior got him sent home. Ever since that time the parents acted coldly to us and our relationship tanked. I was hurt for a while but I realized how much they were using us for free babysitting and such. We just say hi now and our kids don't play. So, something like my experience can happen when you set firm boundaries.

Not OP. Yes, that can happen, but do you seriously really want the alternative? Sucking it up and staying silent and having kids disrespect and not listen to you all the time?

People come on! You are NOT responsible for how other people respond to you. You can only control yourselves and your family, and everything you do is modeling behaviors for your kids. So if you let other kids disrespect you, wreak havoc in your house, not clean up and act rudely, and maybe even your kids don't like having them over, you're basically teaching your kids that there's nothing they can do, they just have to deal with it.

Bullcrap.

You're the adults in the situation and it's your house. If the kids are rude and have no manners, we all know where that starts. If the same parents who don't teach their kids to respect other people's houses or rules are going to be cold and freeze you out, why is that somehow a bigger problem or bigger risk than you having some peace restored and teaching your kids that when kids act like that, they lose the privilege of playdates at your house?

And really, why is it so important to stay on the good side of parents like that anyway, even if you see them everywhere? We live in a part of DC where everyone knows everyone, and there are parents whose kids I've had to redirect on the playground or even at birthday parties. They may get a bit huffy but in the end, I don't do it unless the other kids are seriously out of control, and by then I'm clear I wouldn't want my kids at their houses anyway because really, what will my kids learn there? I'm good, and honestly, we're all cordial and it hasn't become a big deal. But even if it did, I'd be ok with that. My home as a stable play environment is much more important.

Anonymous wrote:With all the snow days, neighborhood kids want to do play dates. One set of siblings tries to play with my kids everyday. One parent works from home. Kids come knocking on our door. They ask to play everyday. We are available but I hate having those kids in our house because they are really disrespectful. Today they smashed a bunch of DS's lego sets. DS is upset. DH is furious.

I know they will come knocking on our door again tomorrow.

How do I turn them away?

I have no real excuse except I don't want them in my house. I don't mind them playing outside.

It's amazing to me how incapable so many people are of just saying it like it is in reasonable ways.

Next time they come over walk them back to their house and nicely say to their parent "It would be great if instead of them just coming over to ask, you and I work it out on the phone. If they want to play, maybe text me or come over yourself to ask, but please stop sending them over because I'm going to say no."

You can finesse that however you like, but seriously, people need to remember that communication is within everyone's power! You can actually have a conversation with adults involved in this!

Also, when the kids are at your house, do you set limits and tell them the ground rules? If you don't and you're too scared or feel like you can't before they're someone else's kids, get over it. It's your house, your rules, end of story. That's how we do it and that's how I assume it'll be when my kids visit their friends' houses. Tell them clearly what is acceptable and what is not in terms of behavior and how they treat your stuff.

They are kids, you are the adult, and it's your house. If you let them run rampant every time, that's fully on you.

You need to tell kids that age what is and isn't appropriate, and you need to tell them why they are no longer welcome inside. At that age they don't get subtle hints. They need to know that breaking Legos = getting sent home and banned from house.

"No guys. You can't have a playdate here because you break toys too often. When you learn to play gently with other people's toys and respect our home, then you'll be able to have playdates here again."

Op they sound like MY old neighbors and those two boys were awful. So loud. So obnoxious. So rude. I told them that they were not allowed to come in any more and I told them why. The parents were not around enough, so I didn't tell them anything. These kids were a little older than the kids you are describing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

We are friends with other people in our neighborhood that we see once every month or so. We like those kids and their parents.

Then why post at all if it's just that you don't like them and don't like their parents? You already know what you want to do. These kids really didn't do anything bad at all. All I can find so far from you is that an expensive lego set got taken apart while kids were playing with it in an area they were told they could play in. Those kinds of things happen all the time even without other kids over. I hope your neighbors read this and realize how crazy you are.

OP here. We have known these kids for a few months, maybe since October. The kids are out of control. In the past 7 years, I have hosted hundreds of play dates with babies, mom's groups, preschool friends, family friends, etc. These neighbors are in a league of their own. It isn't just about the legos. I can't put everything about them in a little box in DCUM. I am also purposely vague and leaving some other reasons why I don't want them in my house just in case they read DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

OMG!!
Cut the dramatic!
My kid Is a Lego freak and has a ton of Lego sets and knows to put them away,creations and all. If my child doesn't want them to be touched and if they are touched they get over it.
Some of you need Xanax, it's line you cannot handle normal kid behavior or any behavior unlike your snowflake's behavior.
Set the rules when kids come over.
My child knows that's part of his responsibility to reinforce what our house rules are and if there's an issue come and get an adult and if he doesn't come and get an adult then the responsibility falls on him.
I have no problem sending a guest child to timeout or if worse comes to worse sending them home and as a parent I have enough respect for other adults to say hey just so you know this particular thing happened when your child was here and this is how we handled it I just want you to know because I would want to know.
A lot of you are picky passive aggressive babies.

Yeah, uh, that thing about cutting the dramatics and Xanax... Hmmm ....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

OMG!!
Cut the dramatic!
My kid Is a Lego freak and has a ton of Lego sets and knows to put them away,creations and all. If my child doesn't want them to be touched and if they are touched they get over it.
Some of you need Xanax, it's line you cannot handle normal kid behavior or any behavior unlike your snowflake's behavior.
Set the rules when kids come over.
My child knows that's part of his responsibility to reinforce what our house rules are and if there's an issue come and get an adult and if he doesn't come and get an adult then the responsibility falls on him.
I have no problem sending a guest child to timeout or if worse comes to worse sending them home and as a parent I have enough respect for other adults to say hey just so you know this particular thing happened when your child was here and this is how we handled it I just want you to know because I would want to know.
A lot of you are picky passive aggressive babies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

We are friends with other people in our neighborhood that we see once every month or so. We like those kids and their parents.

Then why post at all if it's just that you don't like them and don't like their parents? You already know what you want to do. These kids really didn't do anything bad at all. All I can find so far from you is that an expensive lego set got taken apart while kids were playing with it in an area they were told they could play in. Those kinds of things happen all the time even without other kids over. I hope your neighbors read this and realize how crazy you are.

Exactly!!