New poster here.

If he has sleep issues and you are sleep deprived, everything -- EVERYTHING -- is going to seem horrible. You are going to feel as if every problem is magnified by 10,000 and you are going to feel clinically depressed about minor every day interactions.

There is a sleep clinic at Kennedy Krieger. Call. Or call a sleep trainer like Annika Brindley. Please. Sleep issues are not minor issues. They affect every aspect of life.

OP, your son sounds a lot like mine, and mine was diagnosed with HFA (actually PDD-NOS) when he was 3.5. It's subtle though and I think that's the problem - there's playing a lot with cars, and then there's playing a lot with cars. All 3 yos do these things to a degree, but the kid with ASD does that to an exceptional degree...and unless you've spent a lot of time working with kids that age, it isn't readily apparent which side of the line your child's issues fall on. I really didn't "see" my child's symptoms at all until I had had a second child and suddenly understood what was different.

My son's issues overlap a lot with ADD, and that may be what your child has too, but honestly - I know a lot of kids with various kinds of issues and they can all look pretty similar at this age. I would just support specific skills, realize there are no silver bullets, and work with him as much as you can (model conversation, model dramatic play, work on regulating behaviors/motion, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

11:41 - to answer your question, it's funny, I don't remember all the specific reasons we pursued the initial diagnosis, but I do remember at the time DS' extremely high level of energy (his old daycare teachers at the time would describe him as "too happy") and challenging tantrummy-behaviors that we found difficult to control. He was constantly touching things and people -- he had a strong need for sensory input. Plus, his strong interest in cars/trains.

Thanks to everyone who responded with their perspectives. 11:46 - I really appreciate your thoughtful response. Your story gives me hope. I Reading that he is doing well and happy brings me to tears because this really is all I want for my boy. He's been really struggling lately with lack of sleep and it's difficult to determine if this is the main driver of the behaviors or if it's all related.

I feel so helpless because I want to FIX the issues and I don't know how. Add my own sleep-deprivation to the mix, and it's no surprised my anxiety has heightened to a very unhealthy level.

Anyway, I really appreciate the suggestions and thoughtful comments. Good luck to you all.

OP, lack of sleep is an issue and is sometimes symptomatic of certain things, however, if he had "issues" b/f he will have them regardless of sleep.

Also, being an energetic toddler/preschool is not an "issue." If you don't remember why you're pursuing a diagnosis, you should probably hold off on pursuing diagnoses for the time being. Your kid is 3.5--look at testing when he's 5 or 6 if you still have concerns since he doesn't seem to have actual delays at the moment.

If your kid actually does get a diagnosis at some point, you're not going to be able to "fix it" in any case. You remediate, sometimes medicate, teach coping skills--depending on what it is.

I would seriously though consider you talk to someone about your anxiety--you seem overwhelmed as a parent and it sounds like you're trying to find an outlet by diagnosing your kid.

OP here.

11:41 - to answer your question, it's funny, I don't remember all the specific reasons we pursued the initial diagnosis, but I do remember at the time DS' extremely high level of energy (his old daycare teachers at the time would describe him as "too happy") and challenging tantrummy-behaviors that we found difficult to control. He was constantly touching things and people -- he had a strong need for sensory input. Plus, his strong interest in cars/trains.

Thanks to everyone who responded with their perspectives. 11:46 - I really appreciate your thoughtful response. Your story gives me hope. I Reading that he is doing well and happy brings me to tears because this really is all I want for my boy. He's been really struggling lately with lack of sleep and it's difficult to determine if this is the main driver of the behaviors or if it's all related.

I feel so helpless because I want to FIX the issues and I don't know how. Add my own sleep-deprivation to the mix, and it's no surprised my anxiety has heightened to a very unhealthy level.

Anyway, I really appreciate the suggestions and thoughtful comments. Good luck to you all.

OP, Your child sounds a lot like mine. Sometimes it is hard to get across in a post why behavior is concerning because everything can be normal for a three-year-old--it depends on amount of time of difficult behavior, the degree, etc. Maybe you haven't expressed these clearly but you know that something is off.

I know that I was very concerned at that age. He was actually a super easy baby, met milestones, incredibly verbal, happy, and then suddenly around 3-4 things just seemed so complicated, he seemed so self-absorbed, very rigid and controlling, very attached to his "scripts" from books/cartoons, incredibly attached to his routine, unable to handle any change, sensory sensitivities, etc. etc. He absolutely didn't hear you, me, anything when he was absorbed in any activity, his memory was unreal, he was defiant, irritable, incredibly physically bold, super outgoing and then super withdrawn. Great talker, terrible conversationalist. He also had GI issues, eczema. I could go on and on. I have other children--this one was difficult in a way no other child I know has been.

we looked into every physical issue you can imagine and even those that were present (like mild food allergies) changed nothing when resolved.

I will say that absolutely no one we saw for evaluations dismissed our concerns--my husband always expected they would. It was weird: on the one hand, I would have loved it if they had (of course!) and on the other I didfeel depressingly smug about the confirmation that I wasn't crazy. Our clinicians found his behavior and his apparent suffering concerning.

My son never got an autism diagnosis because he had certain "strengths" that ruled it out. He was initially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and a few years later with ADHD as well. To add to the mix, he is also very bright, very sensitive, and has an LD.

He is 11 now and these diagnoses, in our case, were absolutely correct. My son is doing so, so well now, because we have learned how to manage his challenges and support his strengths. He is a happy boy--it fills my heart to be able to say that.

If I can give a little advice, try to find a therapist who can help you. We had an absolutely wonderful child psychologist, who made a word of difference in our lives. She taught us so many essential parenting strategies and truly helped our son. Play therapy was great for him and I really believe could help your child as well. We did a million other interventions (OT, PT, karate, gymnastics and so on) that may or may not have also helped him but it was so tremendously reassuring to have someone guiding us.

The other small piece of advice I have is to try to accept that there may not be one answer that is just out of reach. Maybe you will get one, eventually, or maybe you won't. If your child is struggling, help him in the challenging areas. I think being proactive about interventions or support is more important than having an "answer."