Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 year olds could be petulant and non compliant when they got overly tired. It's fine to resist doing anything that goes against your personal beliefs but simply refusing for the sake of refusing...is kinda immature. Pick your battles.

This thread is about copping to bad behavior. Do you not get that? No one here is saying they are being mature or taking the high road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK. My FIL was visiting after the birth of my first child. It was about 3 weeks postpartum and I'd had a C section and was really slow to recover -- climbing stairs was still a major event for me. FIL kept asking for water (on the third floor when I was on the first), complained about the dinner I specially cooked, and was generally totally useless -- not even clearing plates after any meal. DH was great and helping but I was exhausted from hosting. I went to my room, cried, and refused to come out until DH sent FIL packing on a six hour drive back home.

In retrospect, we ended up driving at 6 weeks postpartum to a wedding in his town for BIL so why he felt the need to come is beyond me. But I was probably a jerk. He still seems scared of me years later. He's not my favorite (for other reasons, not evil, just not my kind of guy) but I try to be kind.

Did you refuse to get water and explain why?

Why did you make dinner? That seems like your own fault.

Did you ask him to help clean the table?

Anonymous wrote:My 2 year olds could be petulant and non compliant when they got overly tired. It's fine to resist doing anything that goes against your personal beliefs but simply refusing for the sake of refusing...is kinda immature. Pick your battles.

Anonymous wrote:Love that "non compliant" comment a PP made. That's me!

Anonymous wrote:There are certainly times I know I'm battling my MIL through some serious passive aggressive shit. She is a HUGE score keeper and pretty much hates that my family even exists. My DH is under strict instructions to not really share info with her about how much my mother comes over, since that really has nothing to do with my MIL. But then sometimes I go out of my way to mention my family. Part of it is that it honestly hurts my feelings she's not accepting of my family and part of it is that I'd like to rub it in how awesome my family is. This must be done delicately, but I still do it.

If I was a perfect DIL, I'd just act like my family didn't exist around my MIL since I know I could do that, it would keep her happy, and it doesn't effect how much I see my own family. But I just can't do that, so I find ways to bring them up sometimes as a way to remind her I have parents and siblings too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy, I think you were being kind of mean. So what if she wanted everyone in PJs. Unless you had a real reason not to want to wear your PJs (I would have been legitimately uncomfortable with that request/embarrassed by it) - you were just being difficult and non compliant which was kind of immature of you.

Which part did you miss--the part where PP said it was not her best moment; the part where she said she now generally goes with the flow; or the part where OP was soliciting stories exactly like this, and PP responded?

Anonymous wrote:

Historically, I think the central theme of my conflicts with my MIL has related to our respective roles. I think she sees herself as the matriarch, whereas I see her as DH's mother. Her matriarchal tendencies extend to my house, where she (e.g.) tells me to use paper plates because china is too much work and helps herself (announcing, not asking) to leftovers to take home after we host a dinner. Minor conflicts in the grand scheme of things but reflective of our different understandings of who we are in the family dynamic.

I think this is an important post. I, like most DILs, have had to bow to a matriarch but I am trying to have a different relationship
with my adult children. As long as they are adults, defined as financially dependent, I'm trying to view us as equals. The problem
on the horizon is when my own mother dies, I worry that without a bossy-one to organize us, that my siblings and I will drift apart.

Anonymous wrote:

Historically, I think the central theme of my conflicts with my MIL has related to our respective roles. I think she sees herself as the matriarch, whereas I see her as DH's mother. Her matriarchal tendencies extend to my house, where she (e.g.) tells me to use paper plates because china is too much work and helps herself (announcing, not asking) to leftovers to take home after we host a dinner. Minor conflicts in the grand scheme of things but reflective of our different understandings of who we are in the family dynamic.

I think this is an important post. I, like most DILs, have had to bow to a matriarch but I am trying to have a different relationship
with my adult children. As long as they are adults, defined as financially dependent, I'm trying to view us as equals. The problem
on the horizon is when my own mother dies, I worry that without a bossy-one to organize us, that my siblings and I will drift apart.

Historically, I think the central theme of my conflicts with my MIL has related to our respective roles. I think she sees herself as the matriarch, whereas I see her as DH's mother. Her matriarchal tendencies extend to my house, where she (e.g.) tells me to use paper plates because china is too much work and helps herself (announcing, not asking) to leftovers to take home after we host a dinner. Minor conflicts in the grand scheme of things but reflective of our different understandings of who we are in the family dynamic.