I've neve been given money or asked for it or needed it. But if my parents hit the lotto I would expect something !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

I'm the one whose ex boyfriends dad pays college and grad school. No, he didn't get involved in the decision making at all. He set up the fund as each kid was born. With the first kid he seemed surprised when DS thanked him, so I think he'd forgotten about it.

You had kids with a rich boyfriend? Is that what I'm reading?

No. I had kids with my high school boyfriend whose parents were divorced.

No way.

My mother is extremely controlling and uses money to make people do what she wants and to buy people back after abuse. Sometimes after one of her more horrendous episodes, after she's spent a month screaming and yelling about how she's right and I'm whatever, she'll mail a check with a note saying she "noticed" that X or Y or Z item of my daughter's is subpar and that I know she is always happy to help since we can't afford whatever thing (we're fine, actually).

I have a form letter I use when returning her checks. I always void the check and attach it.

It basically says that as an adult I have my own budget.

With some people gifts are weapons and you never want what they give.

I don't think any adult should be taking anything from her parents unless it's an emergency. Maybe I'd feel different if I wasn't raised by a monster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

No hate here, but when parents give you money, there are always strings attached. The string is that they get to keep their control over you AND your kids. Most of the people posting here about "no strings" don't even know that they're being controlled because it's always been that way.

Nope. My parents aren't even trustees of my trust. Or my kids trusts- DH and I are. Believe it or not some families function. Even those WITH wealth. we are openly atheist and raising out kids that way. My family is very religious. Never a demand that we raise our kids differently, consider church, religious education- nothing. They respect and love us for who we are even when we differ from them/their beliefs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

I'm the one whose ex boyfriends dad pays college and grad school. No, he didn't get involved in the decision making at all. He set up the fund as each kid was born. With the first kid he seemed surprised when DS thanked him, so I think he'd forgotten about it.

You had kids with a rich boyfriend? Is that what I'm reading?

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

No hate here, but when parents give you money, there are always strings attached. The string is that they get to keep their control over you AND your kids. Most of the people posting here about "no strings" don't even know that they're being controlled because it's always been that way.

Another thread with people whose parents can't give them money without making a sizable dent in their estate claiming they wouldn't even if it were offered.

If your parents had $15 million, yeah, you would take the college trust fund set up for your kids. Just stop it.

We have not. They have never offered. Even when we REALLY could have used it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

I'm the one whose ex boyfriends dad pays college and grad school. No, he didn't get involved in the decision making at all. He set up the fund as each kid was born. With the first kid he seemed surprised when DS thanked him, so I think he'd forgotten about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!

The IRS excludes direct payments for education or medical care from the gift tax. Thus paying for educational costs is a well known technique in estate planning.

There are arguments to be made against this practice, but in the current tax environment it is an established method for inter-generational transfer of wealth.

I would be completely embarrassed if my parents paid for any of my degrees or homes, so would dh- never mind my/our parents paying for the children. Grow up, take some responsibility and be an adult, people!

I feel very adult as I manage my estate. I really do! I'm thankful for all that I have and so grateful for the ability to help others. I guess it really is a good thing that the world is full of different sorts of people. Personally I would feel like a bad parent if I saddled my children with debt, or wasn't able to give them the life that I wanted for them (or for us), or to be able to volunteer and donate as much as we can. I go to bed with an easy conscience, I promise you.

I wonder how many of the people posting that are so embarrassed to have anyone else pay for anything are stay at home moms. Think about it.

I'm amazed that so many people's parents give money with out strings attached. So, if they are paying for your kids tuition, do they not suggest or offer any input on which school kids attend or anything like that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!

The IRS excludes direct payments for education or medical care from the gift tax. Thus paying for educational costs is a well known technique in estate planning.

There are arguments to be made against this practice, but in the current tax environment it is an established method for inter-generational transfer of wealth.

I would be completely embarrassed if my parents paid for any of my degrees or homes, so would dh- never mind my/our parents paying for the children. Grow up, take some responsibility and be an adult, people!

Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!

The IRS excludes direct payments for education or medical care from the gift tax. Thus paying for educational costs is a well known technique in estate planning.

There are arguments to be made against this practice, but in the current tax environment it is an established method for inter-generational transfer of wealth.

My ex boyfriends dad pays for college and grad school for each kid. His mom gives me $100 for each kid at the start of fall for school supplies, and when they've gone to camp, she pays for that. I would never accept money for myself.