Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:49
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your feelings are valid.
That's just it. They're not. Please don't suggest otherwise.
Yes, they are. Feelings are not valid or invalid - they just are. Do you tell your kids they aren't upset when in fact they are clearly upset?
Yes. That is what the millennials keep telling us. Sometimes it is best just to keep your feelings to yourself.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:48
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
It is fine to complain about how your husband dresses or to post about getting tips because he is awkward with your boss.
What is not fine and makes it seem like you are a sociopath is how detached you are when you say all of these less than flattering things about him. Most people have some loyalty to their spouse that would cause them to temper their nastiness with a little bit of kindness.
So, either you are just a nasty person or you are so disgusted by him that you have passed the point where this can be turned around.
What is not fine and makes it seem like you are a sociopath is how detached you are when you say all of these less than flattering things about him. Most people have some loyalty to their spouse that would cause them to temper their nastiness with a little bit of kindness.
So, either you are just a nasty person or you are so disgusted by him that you have passed the point where this can be turned around.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:22
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your feelings are valid.
That's just it. They're not. Please don't suggest otherwise.
Yes, they are. Feelings are not valid or invalid - they just are. Do you tell your kids they aren't upset when in fact they are clearly upset?
Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:07
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:OP, it started like this with my XH. His sister and SIL were great dating coaches up through the wedding. He was always presentable in a young fed just out of grad school way.
Within days after the honeymoon, I was gently reminding him to iron his pants before going to work. He passed it off as "absent-minded egghead" personality. He had great ideas and couldn't be bothered with trivialities like matching clothes or balancing check books. Then I started noticing other things that were signs something was amiss with his "social self" and emotional health. Eventually, he confessed to mild learning disabilities, anxiety, and depression. We did therapy. He said he was taking his meds. By the time I was midway through a troubled third pregnancy, mild was clearly a gross understatement. He'd been slipping into pretty serious mental illness for years and tipped over the edge.
We divorced.
These days, my youngest sometimes complains about "weird stuff Daddy wore" or I see him at exchange with his hair cut extra goofy and I know that a storm is brewing. Like the time he wanted to move himself and kiddo to S. Korea to teach English although he can barely afford his mortgage here and doesn't have primary custody.
OK, so lack of style = mental illness?
Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:04
Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, it's clear you will divorce this guy eventually, so save everyone time and do it now. And don't have kids with him. In fact it is better you dont have kids at all given how nasty you are.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 08:03
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, it started like this with my XH. His sister and SIL were great dating coaches up through the wedding. He was always presentable in a young fed just out of grad school way.
Within days after the honeymoon, I was gently reminding him to iron his pants before going to work. He passed it off as "absent-minded egghead" personality. He had great ideas and couldn't be bothered with trivialities like matching clothes or balancing check books. Then I started noticing other things that were signs something was amiss with his "social self" and emotional health. Eventually, he confessed to mild learning disabilities, anxiety, and depression. We did therapy. He said he was taking his meds. By the time I was midway through a troubled third pregnancy, mild was clearly a gross understatement. He'd been slipping into pretty serious mental illness for years and tipped over the edge.
We divorced.
These days, my youngest sometimes complains about "weird stuff Daddy wore" or I see him at exchange with his hair cut extra goofy and I know that a storm is brewing. Like the time he wanted to move himself and kiddo to S. Korea to teach English although he can barely afford his mortgage here and doesn't have primary custody.
Within days after the honeymoon, I was gently reminding him to iron his pants before going to work. He passed it off as "absent-minded egghead" personality. He had great ideas and couldn't be bothered with trivialities like matching clothes or balancing check books. Then I started noticing other things that were signs something was amiss with his "social self" and emotional health. Eventually, he confessed to mild learning disabilities, anxiety, and depression. We did therapy. He said he was taking his meds. By the time I was midway through a troubled third pregnancy, mild was clearly a gross understatement. He'd been slipping into pretty serious mental illness for years and tipped over the edge.
We divorced.
These days, my youngest sometimes complains about "weird stuff Daddy wore" or I see him at exchange with his hair cut extra goofy and I know that a storm is brewing. Like the time he wanted to move himself and kiddo to S. Korea to teach English although he can barely afford his mortgage here and doesn't have primary custody.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 07:34
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP really needs to know what matters. As Dan Savage writes, the things you break up over in a serious, committed relationship you can count on "one hand" and they largely do not included "he's a lousy dresser."
Google Dan Savage and "ticket to ride" and you'll get a good perspective.
Google Dan Savage and "ticket to ride" and you'll get a good perspective.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 07:20
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's going to be 33 next month I wish he'd care a little more. We're trying to start a family, and social connections will matter even more.
Oh God, please don't start a family with him if you feel this way. What matters most with a family is love and acceptance, and you are lacking.
I never said I didn't love him. I'm fond of him. I disagree that love is what matters most, yes it's great, but in today's world children need every advantage they can get and it's no secret social networking helps.
Ok, troll. You went too far. Thread over.
+1 You've lost any credibility.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 07:13
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your feelings are valid.
That's just it. They're not. Please don't suggest otherwise.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 07:02
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
As long as your hubby treats you well, is responsible, courteous & tries his best, I would just write this off as a standard quirk of his.
Sure, we all would like to be married to the nicest-looking, affluent, sophisticated + powerful man on the planet, but that just isn't reality.
Try to accept him as he is now. There must have been something that attracted you to him in the first place, right? Or you never would have married the guy. Focus on that overall.
Sure, we all would like to be married to the nicest-looking, affluent, sophisticated + powerful man on the planet, but that just isn't reality.
Try to accept him as he is now. There must have been something that attracted you to him in the first place, right? Or you never would have married the guy. Focus on that overall.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 06:58
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP - I think your feelings are valid.
I also think you need to understand that you are projecting in the situation, if you are truly being honest and value all the things you say you do, then why are you not more motivated to find a different spouse and get out of your situation? Why could you not attract a more handsome, more impressive, more motivated spouse?
You were really young when you married and maybe it is just a "starter marriage". Having kids will magnify your disgust of him a thousand times, having kids is hard and stressful and your patience will be much thinner.
Choices you have - divorce and both of you move on, get therapy yourself for yourself and work on feeling better about yourself, or be unmotivated and accept the status quo, have kids and been 1000x times more miserable.
I also think you need to understand that you are projecting in the situation, if you are truly being honest and value all the things you say you do, then why are you not more motivated to find a different spouse and get out of your situation? Why could you not attract a more handsome, more impressive, more motivated spouse?
You were really young when you married and maybe it is just a "starter marriage". Having kids will magnify your disgust of him a thousand times, having kids is hard and stressful and your patience will be much thinner.
Choices you have - divorce and both of you move on, get therapy yourself for yourself and work on feeling better about yourself, or be unmotivated and accept the status quo, have kids and been 1000x times more miserable.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 06:56
Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, I don't think you're getting what people are saying. This is the man you married and you seem to have this kind of detached, cold view of him from your posts. His infractions seem to boil down to social awkwardness and lack of being a go-getter. You write like you think you are doing him a favor by being married to him (noting he can't do better). But many women adore this kind of dude and find it endearing. I have friends who go for this kind of guy. A little extra around the middle just isn't a huge deal either.
If you are this concerned about appearances, I suggest you think long and hard about being in this relationship. This likely isn't going to be some sort of Pygmalion situation so if you can't handle him, you owe it to both of you to make a clean break. You can probably do some work around the edges (for example, I often buy my husband clothes and he wears them, though I do it because he just doesn't like shopping). But unless he personally is on some sort of quest to change his personality he is who he is. So either embrace him or let him go. You're not doing him (or yourself) any favors by describing him as cringeworthy.
If you are this concerned about appearances, I suggest you think long and hard about being in this relationship. This likely isn't going to be some sort of Pygmalion situation so if you can't handle him, you owe it to both of you to make a clean break. You can probably do some work around the edges (for example, I often buy my husband clothes and he wears them, though I do it because he just doesn't like shopping). But unless he personally is on some sort of quest to change his personality he is who he is. So either embrace him or let him go. You're not doing him (or yourself) any favors by describing him as cringeworthy.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 06:50
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Since when is it misogynistic to want to make a good impression in front of your boss?
It's not everyday you get the opportunity to have dinner with your boss.
I've been feeling like we were growing a part for a while now, and dinner just highlighted that.
I see my boss and his wife, and my colleagues and their spouses, specifically the husbands, and my husband is the odd one out.
You can call me all the names you want, but that doesn't change my feelings. I honestly don't see how I'm any worse than any of the other posters.
I'm not cheating on him. I'm not trying to hook up with my coworkers. I'm not denying him sex.
All I want for him is step his game up a bit more, and realize that what he does impacts me, and apparently that makes me a cunt. Talk about misogyny...
I don't think people are necessarily taking issue with the fact that you wish your husband dressed a little nicer. I get that 100% and feel the same way. My husband refuses to iron his clothes so he wears wrinkled button down shirts every day. He also has a belly because he eats junk food and soda and no produce. He is also shy and a little socially awkward, especially at first. Other than that, he's pretty perfect. Smart, funny, kind, compassionate, good father, loving husband. He's my best friend and I love him. Other people can take him or leave him. I try to focus on the positive, but sometimes the negative does grate on me.
I think the difference between this and your post is that you seem to be focused on the negative, you didn't say much if anything positive about him, and you don't say you love him (which is a huge problem). You need to figure out if you want to be with him for the rest of your life and if you should really be having kids with him. It's only going to get worse from here. Kids bring out all kinds of stress and make it much harder to connect, so you need to be on a SOLID foundation.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 06:19
Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Many babbies die awkward husband. But some live. Maybe you luck?
I love you so much.
Anonymous
12/02/2015 06:11
Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Buck up and get a divorce, OP. He'll thank you later.