Anonymous
11/29/2015 22:50
Subject: Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When I was 35 my gynecologist told me, "Don't worry, you have plenty of time." Turns out she was wrong. I started trying at 37 and endured several losses, and now I'm facing total infertility at 40. If you're willing to go through fertility treatments and perhaps use donor eggs, by all means, wait. I just wish someone had told me to freeze my eggs when I was younger.
Then again, some 40-year-old women make babies easily. You never know.
Not trying to be harsh but shouldn't you already know this? Don't most older women know that they may have trouble conceiving at an AMA?
Not the PP, but if her gynocologist was telling her she had plenty of time at 35, then it wasn't unreasonable for her to think she had time.
I think a lot of women think they have until 40. And at 35, that may seem like a lot of time, but they don't realize that even if they start trying at 35, it could take a year to get pregnant, then that could end in miscarriage. It could take a few months to get your cycles back to normal. Next thing you know, you're 38.
I don't think people realize it could take a few years to have a successful pregnancy (at any age). I think most people assume they'll get pregnant fast once they start trying. They don't factor in the possibility of hiccups.
I started trying at 36. I thought that would be fine. Three miscarriages later, I'm 39, and the picture looks entirely different. In my 20s, I was so conditioned to use birth control because you could so easily get pregnant. I think it never really occurred to me that getting pregnant and having a successful pregnancy is a process.
That said, I don't regret waiting. I didn't start dating my husband until I was a month shy of 31. I don't regret waiting even after that. I think our marriage would be very different if we had rushed to have children. I am glad we took the time to build a solid marriage (to work out all of the kinks of living together, sharing a life together). I'm not saying that everyone needs that. But we did.
It's just a shame that time might run out.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 22:32
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Also you don't seem that wealthy. Very few who grew up that wealthy talk about the affluence they grew up around. And you have to admit you had children very young for an educated woman. You must have gotten pregnant while on birth control.
I was simply responding to an ignorant poster. Sure if we were in toledo you might assume I go to Walmart for fun, but it is foolish to make assumptions about people who live in this area. Lots of us have many options.
We quite intentionally stopped having babies by the time I was 30. All of our children were planned. I have a master's degree and went to a great college. I got married early because I didn't want to be shifting through the leftovers and the toss aways.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 22:28
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
Lol! I also have a second home, I'm at it right now sitting on the toilet.. Just because we had kids in our early 20s doesn't mean we're busted broke. I grew up in McLean and attended Sidwell. I've been to a Walmart maybe 3 times in my life.
At the risk of sounding pretentious, considering the kind of people I grew up with and the affluence I was surrounded with, it's not hard to find travel partners. Maybe that is the case for your circle, but not mine. #middleclassproblems #nobodytotravelwirh #cantrelate
Pp here. Curious but will your girlfriends travel with you? My friends won't go anywhere without their husbands. It seems hard to plan vacations around so many work schedules. Are you and your spouse wealthy enough that you don't have to work and you run around in the jet setting crowd? If so....why do you live in DC?!
Yes, we do a week girls trip at least once a year and then long weekends here and there. I will say though, most of my friends don't work normal 9-5 jobs if they even work.
We live in DC because we grew up here and we have friends and family here. A big network. Additionally we own a business together and this is where the money is at. The business will always keep us here. Owning our own business is what gives us a ton of flexibility to travel.
Though we live in DC (and like it here very much) we escape to our second home whenever we can when the weather gets cold and nasty.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:49
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
I dunno. I feel like I've had a view of this from both sides. My parents had me when they were 20. DH was born when his mom was 43. We both had nice childhoods, stable homes. My parents were free of their children by their mid-40s. FIL retired before DH finished college. Both sets of parents seem to have had nice lives. Not sure I could say which of them did it the "right" way.
I had my first child at 28 and my last at 37--which is how old my mother was when I was a senior in high school. My youngest DC is 12 now; I'm 49. I don't feel at all old. I don't feel any different from the way I felt when my oldest was 12. (I will say that at 49 I don't think I'd want to deal with a newborn again, but that's just me).
There can be pros and cons to both. And of course no guarantees either way--it's easy to say, if I'd had kids early, I'd be able to retire now. But there are plenty of women who had kids young and never advanced in their careers and so can't afford to retire early. And though I feel plenty young enough to parent a tween, I know women my age who do seem old and tired.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:41
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Pp here. Also you don't seem that wealthy. Very few who grew up that wealthy talk about the affluence they grew up around. And you have to admit you had children very young for an educated woman. You must have gotten pregnant while on birth control.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:40
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
Lol! I also have a second home, I'm at it right now sitting on the toilet.. Just because we had kids in our early 20s doesn't mean we're busted broke. I grew up in McLean and attended Sidwell. I've been to a Walmart maybe 3 times in my life.
At the risk of sounding pretentious, considering the kind of people I grew up with and the affluence I was surrounded with, it's not hard to find travel partners. Maybe that is the case for your circle, but not mine. #middleclassproblems #nobodytotravelwirh #cantrelate
Pp here. Curious but will your girlfriends travel with you? My friends won't go anywhere without their husbands. It seems hard to plan vacations around so many work schedules. Are you and your spouse wealthy enough that you don't have to work and you run around in the jet setting crowd? If so....why do you live in DC?!
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:37
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
Lol! I also have a second home, I'm at it right now sitting on the toilet.. Just because we had kids in our early 20s doesn't mean we're busted broke. I grew up in McLean and attended Sidwell. I've been to a Walmart maybe 3 times in my life.
At the risk of sounding pretentious, considering the kind of people I grew up with and the affluence I was surrounded with, it's not hard to find travel partners. Maybe that is the case for your circle, but not mine. #middleclassproblems #nobodytotravelwirh #cantrelate
Im in my early 30s but I was thinking that my career and the careers of my friends will only get more intense. I would think most people would be taking time off for family vacations and not for trips with friends. Maybe some weekend trips, sure. But I can't imagine in my mid 40s that my friends have the time or desire to go vacations like we did in our early 20s. That's great you have found your life to be the opposite as I hope to continue to have fun as I get older.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:26
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
The biggest con with waiting until your 40 is that it is harder to get and stay pregnant. Happens eventually for most of my friends, but I think all tof my friends that waited until their late thirties had at least one miscarriage, and most needed fertility treatments. You need to be emotionally prepared for that journey.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 21:09
Subject: Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
I'm a 42 year old DH with a 4 year old girl. Wife is 9 years younger so that helps but for me it's no big deal to be older. Just be sure to stay in somewhat reasonable shape. Just spent 5 days in Disney with her on my shoulders 
They'll run you ragged. Go for it and don't look back. Good Luck!!
They'll run you ragged. Go for it and don't look back. Good Luck!!
Anonymous
11/29/2015 20:42
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
Lol! I also have a second home, I'm at it right now sitting on the toilet.. Just because we had kids in our early 20s doesn't mean we're busted broke. I grew up in McLean and attended Sidwell. I've been to a Walmart maybe 3 times in my life.
At the risk of sounding pretentious, considering the kind of people I grew up with and the affluence I was surrounded with, it's not hard to find travel partners. Maybe that is the case for your circle, but not mine. #middleclassproblems #nobodytotravelwirh #cantrelate
Anonymous
11/29/2015 18:05
Subject: Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
I am one of the older kids in a large family with a big hreak between most of the siblings and the one surprise pre-menopausal baby.
Here are my observations.
The surprise child was easily one of the best things that happened to our family. When he was younger, keeping up with him kept our parents much younger than their peers who were shifting into child free then grandparent mode.
However, when he hit his teen years our parents were senior citizens. They alternated between being a bit unrealistic to what being a teen was like (using standards of what it was like for the older siblings, a couple of whome were old enough to be his parents) to being too tired to keep up with a teenager. He got away with soo much because our parents were either too tired or too clueless to parent a teenager.
Our mom ended up with serious health problems when he was in high school and passed away after his first year of college. That loss impacted him fsr more than the rest of us. All his peers had parents in their 40s & 50s so none of them really could understand or support him well. He had the advantage of having plenty of older siblings to not only deal with supporting our mom through her health crisis, but also to help parent him through his loss. If he had been an only, particularly with no close extended family, dealing with an elderly parent's health issues and death would be a terrible burden for a teenager.
If you are going to do it, I doubt you will regret it. From my experience, I would make sure you stay as healthy as possible, think through how you plan to handle a teenager as a possible senior citizen, and consider trying to have more than one kid so your future teenager does not have to deal with potential older parent health, finance and mental issues alone.
It is so difficult dealing with elderly parent issues as a 40 year old. Think of the issues you are facing with your aging parents now and how you think you could handle those problems as a high school or college student, then plan to make those possible future issues as manageable as possible for your future child.
Here are my observations.
The surprise child was easily one of the best things that happened to our family. When he was younger, keeping up with him kept our parents much younger than their peers who were shifting into child free then grandparent mode.
However, when he hit his teen years our parents were senior citizens. They alternated between being a bit unrealistic to what being a teen was like (using standards of what it was like for the older siblings, a couple of whome were old enough to be his parents) to being too tired to keep up with a teenager. He got away with soo much because our parents were either too tired or too clueless to parent a teenager.
Our mom ended up with serious health problems when he was in high school and passed away after his first year of college. That loss impacted him fsr more than the rest of us. All his peers had parents in their 40s & 50s so none of them really could understand or support him well. He had the advantage of having plenty of older siblings to not only deal with supporting our mom through her health crisis, but also to help parent him through his loss. If he had been an only, particularly with no close extended family, dealing with an elderly parent's health issues and death would be a terrible burden for a teenager.
If you are going to do it, I doubt you will regret it. From my experience, I would make sure you stay as healthy as possible, think through how you plan to handle a teenager as a possible senior citizen, and consider trying to have more than one kid so your future teenager does not have to deal with potential older parent health, finance and mental issues alone.
It is so difficult dealing with elderly parent issues as a 40 year old. Think of the issues you are facing with your aging parents now and how you think you could handle those problems as a high school or college student, then plan to make those possible future issues as manageable as possible for your future child.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 17:46
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
That's really nasty and.......low class of you.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 17:43
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also had mine at 36 and 39. What I notice are the friends who had theirs younger and are now in a position to retire. Meanwhile, I have 12 years to go until the little one is out of college. I feel like I would like to do something different, but I can't. I make a really good living, but it is a high stress life. I am also going through a divorce (STBXH also does well, so we share custody and expenses). The divorce may color my view of things and the feeling of exhaustion. If your marriage is really solid and you are set financially, you may have a different experience. Sometimes I think, with the very analytical part of my brain, that it would have been easier (though it wouldn't have saved the marriage) if we stopped at one as planned. #2 was an oops, although I have to tell you she has brought more joy than I could have imagined to my life. That observation comes from a different part of my brain and from my heart.
+1 to all of this minus the divorce part. I am 55 and DH is 60 and we have two kids, 18 and 15. The15yo, a freshman in high school, will be dependent on us for 8 more years. DH will work for as long as he can, as will I, but I am tired of what I do and would love to dabble in something fun. With college on the horizon, that is not an option.
This is defenetly something that people don't consider when they choose to wait. I am 46 and my child graduated from the law school and been working and fully supporting himself for a year now. I am so glad that all the money I make now, all the free time I have I can spend the way I want.
PP here. It is all about tradeoffs. An empty nest at 50 is certainly appealing, but OTOH I spent my 20s and early 30s living abroad and having all kinds of adventures and experiences, and would not trade that for the world.
It is a drag sometimes not to be able to live for myself now. But I lived for myself for a very long time in young adulthood, which people who became parents at a young age did not.
Let's get real here. Traveling at 46 is wayyyy better than traveling at 28. You have more money and you spend your time more wisely.
I'm not the poster you are responding to, but preschoolers at 46? That sounds like a hellish way to spend middle age. Collecting social security and paying college? Yea. No.
Are you joking? Also who has an empty nest at 46? Only if you're white trash and then your idea of fun is probably going to Walmart. And you probably have great grandkidS.
But really the reason I'd rather be in my 20s or 30s and having fun is because there are a lot of other people doing it. Good luck finding a group of friends at 46 who want to go long trips to Europe, dine out at top restaurants and stay out late. You better hope you like spending time with your spouse because that's who you'll be hanging out with. Most other educated couples will have already done all of those things and will be focused on kids and maybe second homes. Not going to Ibiza.
Yikes! What a mean-spirited comment.
With that said, my DH and I were teen parents. Our children are 20, 16, 13 & 7. We'll be empty nesters at 46/48 and I'm looking forward to it. We have a very supportive family so traveling as a family and/or as a couple has never been an issue. Our income has grown with our family and we're great with that, too. We're 35/37 and comfortably middle class.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 17:39
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Regardless of when you have kids you have to pay for childcare, college, mortgage etc. People who had kids younger act like they never had to pay for these things.
The question it me is it easier to pay for this stuff now that our hhi is almost 400k? Or would it have been easier at 25 with a hhi of 70k?
One advantage I can think of for having kids younger would be that you're paying for childcare instead of spending money on yourself. But boy did I have fun in my 20s living in New York. I really wouldn't trade that for childcare expenses and a spouse. [/quote
Your assumption is that most older parents are well off. They aren't.
Anonymous
11/29/2015 17:39
Subject: Re:Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?
I'm not sure how to answer this because my pregnancy (at 38) was an accident, which I think makes a difference. I'm also a single mother by choice. Ideally I would be childless although I love my son deeply. But parenting is just as much work as I always thought it would be. If you're happy as is, I'd probably KOKO.