You are both being petty and ridiculous.

Her, for continually refusing to serve what you bring, and you, for continuing to bring stuff after she has consistently asked you not to!

You said yourself that you host a Thanksgiving dinner the week before - why is it so important to have what YOU want a week later at someone else's house? That sounds so unbelievably childish - and this is from someone who gladly accepts dishes from guests (it is one more think I don't need to cook).

Perhaps your MIL is trying to spare you hurt feelings - you said in one of your posts that NO ONE eats the food you bring. My mom's family is like this to be honest - they WILL NOT eat anything new at holidays. For real - I think it is pedestrian as hell, but it is what it is. It is like they just *can't*. Any time someone tries to interject something new, it is a HUGE flop - main courses, sides, desserts, whatever. It wouldn't matter if the best chef in the world made it - if it is Thanksgiving or Christmas, they will NOT eat it. I could go down a list of new dishes someone has made that no one has touched. If I were the matriarch of my family, and someone asked me if they could bring something, I would totally say - "just yourselves, please".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In honor of this ridiculous thread about too much food for people who have two full Thanksgiving Dinners, I donated $50 to Feeding America. Please consider donating to or supporting/volunteering at your favorite food bank or charity.

It's not like the food is going to waste. People are replacing a meal they would have eaten anyway with turkey and some side dishes. Certainly donating to charity is a lovely thing to do but it has nothing to do with people choosing to have turkey (one of the least expensive meats around as it happens) more than once a year.

It's nothing to do with the food waste. It's everything to do with the pettiness, entitlement, immaturity on both sides of this "problem." How about focus on giving thanks and being grateful.

Anonymous wrote:In honor of this ridiculous thread about too much food for people who have two full Thanksgiving Dinners, I donated $50 to Feeding America. Please consider donating to or supporting/volunteering at your favorite food bank or charity.

It's not like the food is going to waste. People are replacing a meal they would have eaten anyway with turkey and some side dishes. Certainly donating to charity is a lovely thing to do but it has nothing to do with people choosing to have turkey (one of the least expensive meats around as it happens) more than once a year.

I wouldn't mind if you brought the canned cranberry jelly but I would want to make sure everyone knew that I was not the one who put that horrid thing out for them to eat. It would NOT be in sync with our meal. I would say during the meal that Larla was kind enough to bring the cranberry jelly.

Wine, I'll serve it if it's decent. If it's not you're welcome to leave it hidden on the counter and help yourself. But again. Don't let my guests think I serving them something inferior.

OP, your spouse should tell your MIL to make sure the other relatives are more welcoming. Otherwise, seriously consider staying home or going to your own relatives for the holiday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

Would you feel differently if she knows that you make an apple pie but chooses to bring a store-bought apple pie every year? Do you see the difference in the insulting factor from OP and your cousin?

OP here. The cranberry was just an idea for this year. Previously I've done rolls, brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, you name it. All of those were scorned or not served (or worse, no one even tries them) and I'm an excellent cook. They weren't duplicates of anything MIL was making. It's not MIL scorning it either. It's grandmas, SILs and other relatives. They said that sweet potatoes weren't part of their Thanksgiving.

Just curious--assuming from your comments that they have a history of Thanksgiving food traditions, in what part of the country do your in-laws live?

In honor of this ridiculous thread about too much food for people who have two full Thanksgiving Dinners, I donated $50 to Feeding America. Please consider donating to or supporting/volunteering at your favorite food bank or charity.

I have opinions on the OP's post (ILs are being rude by not putting out OP's food, but I also think it's inconsiderate to bring a dish to a dinner when told not to) but more importantly, I wanted to comment on the number of people that do a 2nd Thanksgiving. I do to! DH and I started this the year FIL served cornish hens and not turkey. Now we do it yearly so we have just the meal and leftovers that we want. Love that others do it too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are being rude. She is the hostess and this is not a pot luck dinner. Have your own Thanksgiving special dishes at your house to eat on Friday. Better still, have Thanksgiving at your house and visit family on Friday.

The host (MIL) is rude.

Any experience hostess knows the gracious and correct thing to do is to make others feel welcome, included and part of the family, especially at a meaningful holiday like Thanksgiving.

A polite and gracious hostess would know that Thanksgiving dinner is not the all about me show but rather, the guests, and would welcome OPs family's traditions into theit own family.

Doing otherwise, like OPs mother in law, shows very poor manners and terrible hostessing skills.

Yes, yes, yes!!

A good host wants the guests to be happy and comfortable. That is more important than everyone complying with your wishes for what they eat or want.

If OP came to my place she could bring whatever the heck she wanted.

It might be rude if OP pushed this the first or second year but my goodness, she has been patiently taking a back seat for a decade! MIL needs to learn to be gracious not the other way around.

These issues can be so fraught, but I do think your in-laws are incredibly stingy of spirit, OP.

Insisting on controlling what you drink is particularly bizarre. Why do they care? Bring the red wine you want, and drink it with aplomb!

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is a horrible cook.

Well, she's not "cooking" the red wine she wanted to bring!

Besides, even if she's a bad cook, let her bring her dishes and put them out, and people can opt to eat them or not. Presumably OP and her spouse would eat them, at least, and maybe family members other than the pole-up-her-ass MIL.

Maybe OP is a horrible cook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are having dinner at someone's house, you should respect their wishes in terms of bringing food. I find it really odd that you insist on red wine and canned cranberries, when you are a guest at someone else's house. Please just be gracious of the food you are served, even if it isn't what you are used to.

plus 1

She is part of the family.

This is a family meal.

Thanksgiving is a meal where families combine dishes that are part of their family heritage and traditions.

This is not like dinner at your bosses house, or with your new neighbor or some formal event at your friends' house. This is a family dinner with the grandparents.

Mother in law is being very very rude.