Anonymous wrote:OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.

This is it, right here- it's HIS family, not hers. They don't have to like her, and they don't have to spend holidays with anyone they don't want to. If OP's husband wants to spend it with them and the kids, then he and OP have to work it out, but HIS family, as this poster specifies accurately, does not have to want to see OP or welcome her anywhere.

So, OP, what did you decide? Does your husband see any problem with his begavior?

sorry to hear this op. if your husband wants to go to his family he can go alone. the kids stay with you regardless of where you will be.

Anonymous wrote:Fuck that, he could go, but he will not be serving my kids up to his dad on a silver platter. The kids go with you.

This, exactly.

Fuck that, he could go, but he will not be serving my kids up to his dad on a silver platter. The kids go with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^PP, I suggested that we stay home and start our own traditions, but my husband wanted to be around other family members.

Then he comes with you to see your family where you are ALL welcomed. Done.

Other family members besides you.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with other posters, and think it's 100% possible your husband was trying to protect your feelings which given the scenario sounds well-intended and possibily even the right thing to do.

That said it's also 100% shitty for the dad to not want you there and even more shitty for your husband to basically comply./

???

In what universe is anyone happy when their husband says he'd like to take the kids and do a separate thanksgiving?

OP seems to be giving her husband a pass but he is the problem here. This doesn't happen in a healthy marriage.

OP, we have feuding family. We decided this year it will be at our house and who ever comes, comes. Its their drama, not ours. Your husband should not be forced to choose, but if he doesn't choose being with you, I'd be really pissed. He should not be going with the kids without you to his family. You do it at your house or your family if his family feels that strongly about you.

Anonymous wrote:^^PP, I suggested that we stay home and start our own traditions, but my husband wanted to be around other family members.

Then he comes with you to see your family where you are ALL welcomed. Done.

^^PP, I suggested that we stay home and start our own traditions, but my husband wanted to be around other family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:W. T. F.

Marriage counseling, stat. His parents are not the problem. The fact that his response to their saying "don't bring your wife" was "now I will try and trick my wife into not coming and pretend that I'm doing her a favor" is the problem.

This. I think if he had been honest from the start it wouldn't have been a big deal. I also think he should have asked you what you think and if you think it's a good idea.

Chances are you probably would have said, okay, that works for me too!

If he had told Op from the get go that his parents didn't want her there (Op should go see her own family)......DCUM would be having a field day with that - telling Op how awful her husband was to be so blunt and to even consider such an arrangement. Poor Op!

But Op knows that his family doesn't like her. Op's dh was trying to be tactful. And when Op asked for him to level with her he told the truth - they would rather she not come.

It's a difficult and unfortunate situation. Op isn't clear on why her husband's family doesn't like her (has she given them a reason or have they always been jerks towards her?). At any rate, I would personally rather just stay at home and celebrate with my dh and kids. Start our own traditions.

I disagree with other posters, and think it's 100% possible your husband was trying to protect your feelings which given the scenario sounds well-intended and possibily even the right thing to do.

That said it's also 100% shitty for the dad to not want you there and even more shitty for your husband to basically comply./

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:W. T. F.

Marriage counseling, stat. His parents are not the problem. The fact that his response to their saying "don't bring your wife" was "now I will try and trick my wife into not coming and pretend that I'm doing her a favor" is the problem.

This. I think if he had been honest from the start it wouldn't have been a big deal. I also think he should have asked you what you think and if you think it's a good idea.

Chances are you probably would have said, okay, that works for me too!

Even if he was honest up front, I would still feel the same way. I would like for my husband, kids, and I to be together for the holidays like we always are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what's the deal with your husband? I'd like to think my DH would tell his father to go to hell if he suggested that DH would be welcome for Thanksgiving but not me.

Especially, as you say, if they have no reason to dislike you other than that you're quiet. (Maybe, I could see something like this if you had had an affair with one of DH's brothers or something really egregious...but not just that they don't enjoy your company.)

How's your relationship with your DH? It sounds like he doesn't stick up for you.

Other than him not sticking up for me with his family, we have a pretty good relationship.

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

DAYUUUUUUMMMMMM
LOL!!!!

Anonymous wrote:W. T. F.

Marriage counseling, stat. His parents are not the problem. The fact that his response to their saying "don't bring your wife" was "now I will try and trick my wife into not coming and pretend that I'm doing her a favor" is the problem.

This. I think if he had been honest from the start it wouldn't have been a big deal. I also think he should have asked you what you think and if you think it's a good idea.

Chances are you probably would have said, okay, that works for me too!