Anonymous
10/11/2015 22:50
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
OP- we've been dealing with infertility for eight years. There's nothing wrong with your response, but there are a lot of idiots out there who make all kinds of dumb comments. (Welcome to my world!) You'll get much more helpful responses re-posting this on the infertility forum. Don't bother with the ill informed.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 22:36
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Holy crap, I don't get the venom being spewed at OP. He got drunk to deal with bad news. So what? It was his bad news too, not just hers, as he's linked to her. Cut him some damn slack.
OP, I think your explanations here are very reasonable, and I hope she comes around, as you both come to terms with the news. It's OK that she needed time away, it's OK that you freaked out. Now that you both have had your time, come back together and come up with a plan to move forward. Just don't propose this week, OK?
OP, I think your explanations here are very reasonable, and I hope she comes around, as you both come to terms with the news. It's OK that she needed time away, it's OK that you freaked out. Now that you both have had your time, come back together and come up with a plan to move forward. Just don't propose this week, OK?
Anonymous
10/11/2015 22:30
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
I think all the people posting here don't know enough about you guys and your relationship to really know what will happen.
Your girlfriend comes back, you apologize for all the crap you did wrong, you tell her how you feel. And see how she feels.
It's a tough blow to take. You had a dream (having bio kids with this particular lady) and now you see it is threatened. I think you could have acted better but no one is perfect.
Your girlfriend comes back, you apologize for all the crap you did wrong, you tell her how you feel. And see how she feels.
It's a tough blow to take. You had a dream (having bio kids with this particular lady) and now you see it is threatened. I think you could have acted better but no one is perfect.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 21:57
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:PP here:
Notice how OP is concerned about how he lost the love of his life, per the thread title, not how he badly behaved, and not about his ex-gf's traumatic experience.
I mean OP did write the post. It is his life. Of course his focus is on losing her. It does sound like he is genuinely upset for her as well. Geez.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 21:55
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.
We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.
I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.
She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.
I know so many women who have been told they wouldn't be able to have children and went on to have children easily. A doctor told my mom she wouldn't be able to have children and she happened to be pregnant at the time! She just didn't know it yet.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 21:51
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP had a normal reaction and realized how much the relationship means ti him. They will work it out.
+ 1. I was diagnosed with possible infertility and my boyfriend up and left me . OP wants to marry her regrdless. I think you have a great thing going and will work it out. Tell her what you told us. I am now happily married with two children. OP, I suffered from pcos and still had children. I think it's still possible. Doctors can be wrong. Please fight for her if you want it to work.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 21:46
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:PP here:
Notice how OP is concerned about how he lost the love of his life, per the thread title, not how he badly behaved, and not about his ex-gf's traumatic experience.
Seriously. First the GF went through finding out she is infertile, and now she has to deal with babysitting her manbaby of a boyfriend, who basically threw a massive temper tantrum/shitstorm when he should have been supporting her.
Gross.
No wonder she is done.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 21:45
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
I think OP had a normal reaction and realized how much the relationship means ti him. They will work it out.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:56
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
I was rooting for you, OP, but your subsequent posts have changed my mind.
Bottom line if you want to have a marriage relationship with anyone you need to be able to communicate honestly with the other person, and to do that you need to be honest with yourself.
I would suggest you leave your gf a message and apologize for your selfish behavior, let her know that you want to talk, and work thought this, but you understand she needs space.
Then give her space.
In the meantime you need to be honest with yourself about what you want.
Bottom line if you want to have a marriage relationship with anyone you need to be able to communicate honestly with the other person, and to do that you need to be honest with yourself.
I would suggest you leave your gf a message and apologize for your selfish behavior, let her know that you want to talk, and work thought this, but you understand she needs space.
Then give her space.
In the meantime you need to be honest with yourself about what you want.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:51
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
PP here:
Notice how OP is concerned about how he lost the love of his life, per the thread title, not how he badly behaved, and not about his ex-gf's traumatic experience.
Notice how OP is concerned about how he lost the love of his life, per the thread title, not how he badly behaved, and not about his ex-gf's traumatic experience.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:40
Subject: Re:I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP again. I didn't just leave her. We spent the night crying, sharing our feelings, and me comforting her. Yes, I acted like an ass the next night and there isn't any excuse for it. I would love a bio child but that doesn't mean we can't adopt. It hit me hard at first, but this news doesn't change my feelings of love or that I want to marry her. I don't blame her for needing a break. More importantly, I know she may end it because she doesn't want me to deal with this. She is a very living and giving person. She puts others first all the time.
To the one poster -- I have felt like I wanted to marry other women but not in this way. Some things were never there but I know my current girlfriend is the one for me. I tesircy fully disagree that she overreacted.
Other poster - She just turned 29 and I'll be 32 in November.
OP:
The problem is you're the man so you're supposed to think rationally. Face up to the fact that you want to have natural born kids of your own with whoever you marry, so this woman isn't it. She should marry some guy who doesn't care whether or not he has children, because she probably won't be able to. That's her burden and you never signed up for that, did you?
You're wrong. I don't care how we have children. Her being in my life, for good and bad times, is most important to me.
OP: Now you're just being an immature selfish douche bag. This is what you said in the first post:
We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.
So now, even though you know there is no real future together with her, and she knows it because that's what you told her, you're going to figure out a way to string her along and keep her in a dead relationship until you can find her replacement, because you're afraid to be alone for awhile.
Wonderful.
You suck.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:37
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:OP again. Out relationship had endured a lot of both good and bad times. I've never questioned leaving. OUR infertility will make a big impact on our lives. People grieve in different ways. She knows who I am. I am loyal, always here for her, and absolutely not a drunk by any means.
She gets home tomorrow ( I'm hoping) and I will tell her all this then. I want to do it in person rather than by phone or email.
Now you're in complete denial.
Your gf distanced herself because she saw the way you reacted was an indication of your real feelings about the situation. You can lie to yourself and lie to her, and lie to others, but she knows how you really feel.
You're just having trouble with the idea that this relationship is "over" because you don't know how to go forward with your life, since she won't be in it for much longer.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:36
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
How badly did you act? Wow.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:33
Subject: Re:I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP again. I didn't just leave her. We spent the night crying, sharing our feelings, and me comforting her. Yes, I acted like an ass the next night and there isn't any excuse for it. I would love a bio child but that doesn't mean we can't adopt. It hit me hard at first, but this news doesn't change my feelings of love or that I want to marry her. I don't blame her for needing a break. More importantly, I know she may end it because she doesn't want me to deal with this. She is a very living and giving person. She puts others first all the time.
To the one poster -- I have felt like I wanted to marry other women but not in this way. Some things were never there but I know my current girlfriend is the one for me. I tesircy fully disagree that she overreacted.
Other poster - She just turned 29 and I'll be 32 in November.
OP:
The problem is you're the man so you're supposed to think rationally. Face up to the fact that you want to have natural born kids of your own with whoever you marry, so this woman isn't it. She should marry some guy who doesn't care whether or not he has children, because she probably won't be able to. That's her burden and you never signed up for that, did you?
You're wrong. I don't care how we have children. Her being in my life, for good and bad times, is most important to me.
Anonymous
10/11/2015 20:33
Subject: I am scared I lost the love of my life.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP:
If she's infertile and you want natural born kids with your future wife, you know you have to dump her, and she knows it, too.
That's why you got drunk and she distanced herself.
You both know it's over.
Clearly you haven't read a damn thing. I've written multiple posts adressing everything. Don't comment if you can't read everything.
Stop reacting as if you're an emotional baby, OP.
Your gf can't have natural kids with you, but that's what you want, despite your protestations to the contrary to be PC about it. An adoption isn't the same thing and neither is surrogacy or some other mad scientist approach to child bearing. Hell if you were satisfied with that why even bother having children at all?