OP, good that you listened to your son and are respecting his feelings about inviting the bully.

To those PPs who say to stop with the tears and rise above - and invite the bully, has your child ever been bullied?

This boy should get to have a birthday that he can look forward to and enjoy without anxiety and fear.

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree with PP. It's your job, OP, to help your child deal with this without resorting to tears and exclusion.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I'm struck by how upset your child got when you mentioned you might invite the child. Sure there are mean kids but at a party with the whole class your DC couldn't just avoid or ignore this bully?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite the bully. To hell with him.

You are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD. If you can't help your children learn to manage conflict at the age of six….well, good luck to all.

This child's reactions shows what the bullying has already done. I posted earlier as the mom of a kid who had been bullied to the point of depression and threatened suicide. He's 24 now, and still dealing with the long term effects.

OP your son's feelings are more important than the one kid who torments him. Since the suggestion of "having" to include this kid in his party brought about the reaction it did, do you see now the situation he's in? Worry about your own child before being all nicey nice to the kid who has put him in this situation. PLEASE.

My whole approach now, no matter who it is.. is if you mistreat us? You're out. No politically correct inclusion... you will not be a part of our lives, or will be included as little as possible.

DD is 42 and I remember in detail the times he cried in first grade when he was bullied. So does he.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

There's something to be said for not sinking to the level of a bully, and teaching your child to be better than that.

Did you read this part?

"My son got really upset and started sobbing that he'd rather not have a party than have this child there"

The kid doesn't have to be a saint!

Anonymous wrote:You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

Yes you are.

You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

Unfortunately, you can't treat someone else however you want because they mistreated you. What if your kid felt like bringing in a present or favor to hand out to all the kids at school except this kid? What if your kid were partnered with him on an assignment and refused to speak to him? His feelings do matter, but so do social requirements. OP's idea of limiting the party to a smaller group of kids is a good one and a reasonable solution.

Have to agree with PP. It's your job, OP, to help your child deal with this without resorting to tears and exclusion.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I'm struck by how upset your child got when you mentioned you might invite the child. Sure there are mean kids but at a party with the whole class your DC couldn't just avoid or ignore this bully?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite the bully. To hell with him.

You are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD. If you can't help your children learn to manage conflict at the age of six….well, good luck to all.

Anonymous wrote:I would not invite the whole class minus one person, no matter how much of a bully he was. That's terrible to do to a kid. How old are the kids?

This is ridiculous. It is terrible to allow a birthday child to have 2 hours to celebrate his bday without fearing the bully, bullying him at his own party?

What is terrible is that b/c of one child the bday kid either has to have his bully at his party or can't invite some of the kids he would like to.
Seems like the bday child is continuing to pay the price for the bully's actions.

If only his first grade classmate had invited Saddam Hussein to his birthday party what a different world it would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6 is young enough for behaviour to change, but one way it isn't going to change is by being ostracized. Invite the bully, but ask his parents to stay.

This. They are still young.

+1

Speak to the parents beforehand about it.

Anonymous wrote:You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

There's something to be said for not sinking to the level of a bully, and teaching your child to be better than that.

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite the bully. To hell with him.

You are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD. If you can't help your children learn to manage conflict at the age of six….well, good luck to all.

You're also teaching him that his feelings matter less than somebody who is mistreating him.

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a follow up. I talked to my son after school and told him we couldn't just exclude the other child, but that I was going to ask him parents to stay so that the other kid couldn't make trouble at the party. My son got really upset and started sobbing that he'd rather not have a party than have this child there, so we agreed we're going to cut it down to a smaller group. We're having a tough time figuring out who's going to be in that smaller group without it being too exclusionary to that other kid, but we'll figure it out. I'm glad I gave him the choice, though, rather than simply moving ahead with the plan to invite everyone.

I think you're being unfair to your son. It's his birthday and he should be able to invite who he choses.

OP Don't invite a bully to your DS birthday party. Just reduce the number in a sensible way -- maybe the ones who sit nearest to him. But you can be sure the bully will be a bully at the party, whether his parents come or not. Why ruin your DSs party? I made the mistake of inviting the bully because they were neighbors. Did not make for a fun party.