Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also, your fourth grader should know what to do if for some reason the group leaves her behind. Go to someone who works there and tell them. With just that piece of information, she should be safe.

My 4th grader knows very well what to do if she gets separated from her group. That's not the issue at all. The issue is that she is so independent that she won't even realize she's not with her group for a very long time and won't panic when she realizes she not (which is good that she doesn't panic, but bad that it's not a concern to her). She will continue to read and "enjoy" whatever is going on around her.[i][u] The flip side is that I've watched chaperones completely zone out or talk to other chaperones non-stop and basically ignore the kids and never look to see if the group is together for a very long time. This combination is unsafe to me.

That's not independence, OP. That's being rude, self-centered, and unsafe. You absolutely must teach her how to be a safe and polite member of a group. She is well beyond being old enough to understand that while she may want to stop and read every sign, a school field trip is not the place to do it. It's not at all ok to completely zone-out like that and put her personal enjoyment over the safety of the rest of the group (because the time the adults have to take looking for her, is time away from all the other kids and from the planned activities of the day)

Sure, the chaperones may be the worst ones on the planet. In no way does that excuse your daughter's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also, your fourth grader should know what to do if for some reason the group leaves her behind. Go to someone who works there and tell them. With just that piece of information, she should be safe.

My 4th grader knows very well what to do if she gets separated from her group. That's not the issue at all. The issue is that she is so independent that she won't even realize she's not with her group for a very long time and won't panic when she realizes she not (which is good that she doesn't panic, but bad that it's not a concern to her). She will continue to read and "enjoy" whatever is going on around her.[i][u] The flip side is that I've watched chaperones completely zone out or talk to other chaperones non-stop and basically ignore the kids and never look to see if the group is together for a very long time. This combination is unsafe to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a 1st and 4th grader and I'm also pretty prone to worry but I have never thought of this particular worry before. They fear being left behind, so they are never left behind. I don't lose them when we're out because they purposefully keep up with me. Your kids are either choosing to take off or choosing not to care if the group is leaving.

I don't lose them when we're out either because I ensure they keep up. You're sort of right about my 4th grader. She doesn't actively choose to not to care if the group is leaving, but I've watch her in museums. She just start reading the signs and goes from one to the other and doesn't realize the group is walking away. Most kids don't read every sign they come to; hell, I don't read every sign I come to so I get why the parents wouldn't expect that and watch out for her. She does and gets very engrossed in the experience. The group will wander away and she'll be standing there and not realize it. So, I guess she is choosing not to care, but I don't think it's an active choice.

You really need to work on this with her. It is simply not safe for her to have no awareness what's happening around her. You keep focusing on WHY she's not paying attention (she loves to read!!!) when you should be focusing on changing her habits.

Until she's better about it I still think you should request she has a buddy on trips so there is specifically one person who says, "Come on Fiona, we need to go now." or else can say, "Ms. Charles, Fiona is just went over to the other displays instead of following the docent."

Again, I agree. We do work on it with her, but I don't think it will change overnight. Everyone's kid has something they are "working on" with them and this is ours. We almost literally don't have to "work on" anything else with her - school work, chores, manners, etc. She's a pretty easy kid except for this.

I also think it's odd that several parents have suggested a "buddy." You really think it should be the other classmates and not the chaperones that have the responsibility to ensure everyone is staying with the group. If I have to my trust in a 4th grader to keep track of my daughter I tap out.

Stop looking at it as the chaperones not having the responsibility -they do. But a buddies an extra layer of watchfulness. Without a formal support plan in place your child is not going to be assigned a singular aide to watch her. And the chaperone will be responsible for other students. IN ADDITION to the chaperone, a buddy can keep an 1:1 eye on your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a 1st and 4th grader and I'm also pretty prone to worry but I have never thought of this particular worry before. They fear being left behind, so they are never left behind. I don't lose them when we're out because they purposefully keep up with me. Your kids are either choosing to take off or choosing not to care if the group is leaving.

I don't lose them when we're out either because I ensure they keep up. You're sort of right about my 4th grader. She doesn't actively choose to not to care if the group is leaving, but I've watch her in museums. She just start reading the signs and goes from one to the other and doesn't realize the group is walking away. Most kids don't read every sign they come to; hell, I don't read every sign I come to so I get why the parents wouldn't expect that and watch out for her. She does and gets very engrossed in the experience. The group will wander away and she'll be standing there and not realize it. So, I guess she is choosing not to care, but I don't think it's an active choice.

You really need to work on this with her. It is simply not safe for her to have no awareness what's happening around her. You keep focusing on WHY she's not paying attention (she loves to read!!!) when you should be focusing on changing her habits.

Until she's better about it I still think you should request she has a buddy on trips so there is specifically one person who says, "Come on Fiona, we need to go now." or else can say, "Ms. Charles, Fiona is just went over to the other displays instead of following the docent."

Again, I agree. We do work on it with her, but I don't think it will change overnight. Everyone's kid has something they are "working on" with them and this is ours. We almost literally don't have to "work on" anything else with her - school work, chores, manners, etc. She's a pretty easy kid except for this.

I also think it's odd that several parents have suggested a "buddy." You really think it should be the other classmates and not the chaperones that have the responsibility to ensure everyone is staying with the group. If I have to my trust in a 4th grader to keep track of my daughter I tap out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, what do you think is going to happen to them?

4th grader - walk off with a stranger who is talking to her about whatever they are looking at; inappropriate encounter with a stranger
1st grader - physical harm considering his complete fearlessness of heights

Pp here --

4th grader wouldn't/shouldn't be allowed to talk to strangers when on a field trip.
1st grader - keep him home until he can behave.

They both sound like a nightmare to supervise on a field trip. You might be doing everyone a favor by keeping them home.

ETA: These aren't really "field trip" issues. These are issues with your kids' behavior.

Yes, they are issues with their behavior while they are on field trips at this age. I have no concern with these behavioral issues long term but that's another discussion.

Again, thanks everyone for your replies. I know I'm not alone, but certainly in the minority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

4th grader doesn't wander off really. She easily gets left behind because she's stopping to read all of the signs at places like museums. Most kids, and most adults, don't stop to read everything written. She does and chaperones just tend to wonder off with the other kids and leave her behind. She doesn't realize they are gone because she's reading. That's the way she enjoys museums. Maybe it's my kids' school but the (mostly) moms that chaperone are ditzy or so busy talking to the other chaperones that I don't have any trust in them.

There's nothing wrong with my DC but when the chaperones can't be trusted then I'm not comfortable letting my kid go out in public with them.

Funny that I was talking about this with a friend tonight in line with a fast-ish food type place and another mom with her teenage daughter next to us start laughing. She said, I feel the same way and it doesn't get better. The damn parents all want to be the kids' friends, so you can't trust them to chaperone them when they are older either! Haha! I might be in the minority on this one, but certainly not alone.

There may not be anything wrong with your daughter, but a fourth grader certainly should be old enough to pay attention and keep up with the group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are too intense. For goodness sake!

(1) tell your kids that they need to stay with the chaparone. They are not babies. They can be expected to follow rules.

(2) ask the teacher how many times a child has been injured on a trip. Statistically, I bet it is very low or none. If your child comes home in one piece, then it is all good.

(3) if you really must go, you can usually just show up at a public venue like the museum. The "pick" a limited number of chaperones b/c they only have so much space on the bus. Usually they don't care, and in fact they welcome other parents who will provide their own transportation and show up at the site of the tour.

Of course you don't check your parenting certificate at the front of the school door, but for goodness sake --- school field trips are very regulated/controlled. Kids need to learn how to navigate and behave in an environment outside of the classroom. Teachers talk to them about the rules... and that bus will not leave the site without all kids aboard.

This is something you do not need to worry about. Really. Kids go and come back in every grade, in every school, EVERY year.

My children have already EACH been "unaccounted for" one field trips. That's enough to make most parents think statistically there is an issue with accountability. We've been told the venues they are visiting don't allow for more than 2 chaperones per class, so just showing up in not an option.

That's a great rule to not leave without every child, but if they can't find the child than that rule doesn't really matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, what do you think is going to happen to them?

4th grader - walk off with a stranger who is talking to her about whatever they are looking at; inappropriate encounter with a stranger
1st grader - physical harm considering his complete fearlessness of heights

Pp here --

4th grader wouldn't/shouldn't be allowed to talk to strangers when on a field trip.
1st grader - keep him home until he can behave.

They both sound like a nightmare to supervise on a field trip. You might be doing everyone a favor by keeping them home.

ETA: These aren't really "field trip" issues. These are issues with your kids' behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, what do you think is going to happen to them?

4th grader - walk off with a stranger who is talking to her about whatever they are looking at; inappropriate encounter with a stranger
1st grader - physical harm considering his complete fearlessness of heights

Pp here --

4th grader wouldn't/shouldn't be allowed to talk to strangers when on a field trip.
1st grader - keep him home until he can behave.

They both sound like a nightmare to supervise on a field trip. You might be doing everyone a favor by keeping them home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, how many kids do you think go missing on field trips? I know it's happened, but how often does it happen?

Yes, I know, once is scary enough, but the school shootings haven't stopped you from sending your kids to school; 9/11 hasn't stopped you from flying; car crashes haven't stopped you from driving.

This.

OP, is there a valid reason why your kids can't be trusted to stay with the group on field trips? I've supervised quite a few field trips.. my kids are now 14 and 24. Those who couldn't/wouldn't stay where they were supposed to were put in a smaller group and if necessary had to hold someone's hand. When they got to be too old for that sometimes they weren't allowed to go unless a parent or EA could go with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, what do you think is going to happen to them?

4th grader - walk off with a stranger who is talking to her about whatever they are looking at; inappropriate encounter with a stranger
1st grader - physical harm considering his complete fearlessness of heights

Pp here --

4th grader wouldn't/shouldn't be allowed to talk to strangers when on a field trip.
1st grader - keep him home until he can behave.

They both sound like a nightmare to supervise on a field trip. You might be doing everyone a favor by keeping them home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, what do you think is going to happen to them?

4th grader - walk off with a stranger who is talking to her about whatever they are looking at; inappropriate encounter with a stranger
1st grader - physical harm considering his complete fearlessness of heights

Anonymous wrote:Buy a leash and send your child to school with it on the day of the field trip! Apparently, your special children need to be on a leash.... or they need to be scared straight by getting lost for a short period of time. Your choice.