MikeL
09/17/2015 16:29
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:I'm another woman who thinks if she was hungry she should have ordered food. If I was invited to go out for drinks at 7:30, I'd either eat before I showed up or say "Hey, I'm really hungry, I'm going to order some food."
Yes to this. The 7:30 time pretty much means there should be some food involved.
If you - as a guy - don't want to do food, make the date for 5:00-5:30 or so.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 14:09
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:Please don't flame me, but I think there might be an age gap in the "right" answer here. I'm 42. And while I don't expect a man to buy me dinner on a blind date to prove his worth to me, I also have enough confidence in myself/boldness that after 15-20 min of chatting, if I were starving, I would have said "hey lets, order an app, I'm starving" and if he had objected, I would have politely excused myself to go eat by myself. But anyway, I really wanted to say to the OP.... if your friend is 32ish or under... I will tell you it's a very different world. I hear this all the time from my younger co-workers, both male and female. They do coffee only and drinks only as the normal first date protocol. Nobody wants to invest more time than necessary to see if there's anything clicking. If there's chemistry. It doesn't mean your date is cheap. Or uninterested. It's just what they do. And you commit to the drinks only thing upfront. Second date, if there is one, is more of a time investment. It's what the kids are doing now. You might not like it. You might not do it if you were out in the dating world. But it doesn't mean this guy was cheap or didn't like her.
I'm 50 and I totally get the whole drinks/coffee thing and would not expect a meal. I've been with my husband for over 20 years but I dated A LOT back in the day. This is not that new!
Anonymous
09/17/2015 14:02
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
OP, who cares what is normal. You said your friend didn't want to go, so why did she? Nobody wants to spend a lot of time and certainly money on someone who doesn't want to be with them. My advice for your friend is that she say no to things she doesn't want to do, offer an alternative to the "drinks" dates if that isn't her thing, and if the guy says he can "only do drinks" then cut him loose. A relationship between someone who wants dinner and one who wants just drinks won't work out for all kinds of reasons. Secondly, if your friend wanted a meal, she could have and should have ordered it and then of course paid for her meal. This guy doesn't sound like a keeper, but your friend doesn't sound like one either.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:53
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Please don't flame me, but I think there might be an age gap in the "right" answer here. I'm 42. And while I don't expect a man to buy me dinner on a blind date to prove his worth to me, I also have enough confidence in myself/boldness that after 15-20 min of chatting, if I were starving, I would have said "hey lets, order an app, I'm starving" and if he had objected, I would have politely excused myself to go eat by myself. But anyway, I really wanted to say to the OP.... if your friend is 32ish or under... I will tell you it's a very different world. I hear this all the time from my younger co-workers, both male and female. They do coffee only and drinks only as the normal first date protocol. Nobody wants to invest more time than necessary to see if there's anything clicking. If there's chemistry. It doesn't mean your date is cheap. Or uninterested. It's just what they do. And you commit to the drinks only thing upfront. Second date, if there is one, is more of a time investment. It's what the kids are doing now. You might not like it. You might not do it if you were out in the dating world. But it doesn't mean this guy was cheap or didn't like her.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:46
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Huh? If I were hungry I would just order food. If the guy offered to pay for it, fine. If not, I would be happy to just pay for it myself. I'm not going to sit there hungry.
Me too. It's a date, not a job interview. Relax and have fun.
This. I don't think its really that big of a deal. I think its weird she ordered bread but not an app if she was hungry. All you have to do is say hey did you eat want to split an appetizer or something?
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:44
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:Huh? If I were hungry I would just order food. If the guy offered to pay for it, fine. If not, I would be happy to just pay for it myself. I'm not going to sit there hungry.
Me too. It's a date, not a job interview. Relax and have fun.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:39
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Huh? If I were hungry I would just order food. If the guy offered to pay for it, fine. If not, I would be happy to just pay for it myself. I'm not going to sit there hungry.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:35
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
OMG.... women want "equal treatment" which would mean splitting the bill. This shows that you are an "equal partner" but then you also want to have everything paid for.... doors opened.... etc. The men are left to intuit when you want us to be chivalrous vs. "modern." You need to understand that on a first date the current trend is NOT to force the girl into a long dinner (as other posters have said) and keep it short with no pressure.
Women want everything with the responsibility of nothing. Thus the gravy train they fight so hard to maintain.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:34
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
I further don't understand the women that won't give a guy a second date because they split the bill the first time. Let's focus on priorities here, ladies.
The priority is soaking men.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:33
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?
Normal people.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:33
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:Very interesting thread. I've been out of the game forever but still seems the guy is expected to foot the bill. I know a few posters qualified with "if he asked her out." How common is it for the woman to do the asking?
As often as it snows in hell.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:32
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:I'm another woman who thinks if she was hungry she should have ordered food. If I was invited to go out for drinks at 7:30, I'd either eat before I showed up or say "Hey, I'm really hungry, I'm going to order some food."
Stop it! You'll ruin the dating and personal responsibility gravy train women currently enjoy, as this thread proves.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:31
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:I understand why she didn't order an app- she didn't want to be presumptuous. Even though she would've been willing to pay for it, he wouldn't have known that and would be telling his friend about the woman who tried to stick him for some food when he only wanted to pay for drinks.
I wouldn't see this guy again either, and I'm also in the camp of women who wouldn't consider a romantic relationship with a guy who split the bill on the first date.
+1
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:31
Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
She must not have liked the guy if she is going to dump him over not getting a free dinner. She sounds like a bit of a princess. High maintenance.
Her loss.
Anonymous
09/17/2015 13:30
Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:If this happened to me I would be looking at the guy like:
You invite me on a date and then cheap out even though I'm clearly starving?
You aren't entitled to dinner on a first date. Take responsibility for yourself, you spoiled, entitled woman.