Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 05:32     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?




Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.


So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?



Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.


Huh, that doesn't really appeal to me. If you're single at 40, you may very likely be single at 50 (when you're going to decidedly look less great). Being single during those years seems shitty.


for people who are insecure and can't stand being WITH themselves

I know quite a few single folks and childless couples.

Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 05:30     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?




Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.


I had my first child at 27, second at 30, so I started younger than OP. I also work and have a nanny, housekeeper, and housecleaners. I do not feel like the OP. I don't grocery shop, I have someone who meal preps, and I don't do any laundry (and this is just naming the majors). My kids are older now and wayyyy harder than toddlers. Right now we have sports each night from 5:30-7pm monday- thursday. It is hectic. DH and I have no time for chores, hence we spend the money on housekeepers.

OP sounds like she has the same kind of help so I'm not sure what the problem is. I love being a mother and am happy to be a "young mom". Our last child will be out of the house when we are 48 and we will have the time and money to do the stuff we "missed".
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 05:29     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A nanny? Houskeeper? And a husband who helps out? Be thankful for what you DO have, and MAKE time for the interests that you mentioned.


Yes, I am aware there are others who have it harder. No need to go skipping down that road. My point is to reach out to other moms. One can't really admit in real life that being a wife and mom kind of sucks.


Then you should have said no to the proposal and kept your legs shut.

What gives? You're a complainer. Many others have it MUCH harder.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 05:28     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:A nanny? Houskeeper? And a husband who helps out? Be thankful for what you DO have, and MAKE time for the interests that you mentioned.


Yeah - I stopped reading after that.

no sympathy

at
all
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 04:30     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:Why are people so stuck on the nanny? Is it because it suggests OP has more money than you? If you work, then you send your child into someone else's care, whether that is a day care or a nanny.

I am not seeing how OP's life is suddenly more charmed than anyone else's because the third party caring for her child is an individual, rather than a center.


Because with a nanny she doesn't have to take time for daycare drop-off and pick-up, Nanny can get the child dressed and fed in the morning, nanny can do child's laundry, and if the child is sick OP doesn't have to take time off of work. A nanny makes things so much easier.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 04:09     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
OP, I don't know if you are reading this thread still, but if you are, I can tell you I was in your position almost exactly 7 years ago. I had a really hard time adjusting to motherhood. I was an associate at a big law firm and my husband had just made junior partner. Yes, like was financially easy, but our quality of life sucked. Fast forward 5 or so years and life is much, much better. My kids are 7 and 4 and are much easier and more enjoyable. But the key to our happiness was finally cutting ties with the large law firms. We had made enough money to significantly pay down debt and afford a house in a neighborhood we like. It took about a year of looking and interviews before we each found the right fit, but I now work at a trade association and DH at a boutique firm specializing in a niche area of law. We make about 70% of what we used to make but we are so, so happy.

To get to the point after my long-winded rambling, your life in 5 years is not going to look anything like it does today. Kids get easier (until they get harder!) and you don't have to stay at your job. It may take awhile, but you are not stuck in your current career forever.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 03:52     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - you should always count your blessings. I'm 30, jobless, and had to move back in with my parents after exhausting my savings.


exactly OP sounds like she was raised with donald trump and delusional about how others have it worse off than her. She didn't mention where she went backpacking but probably through europe instead of poorer countries to get a sense of what real life is like in other countries.


PP here - I don't blame OP too much though. I also fall into the trap of comparing myself to peers who are 'doing better' when I know there are hundreds of millions without shelter, food, and my well being is better than those considering I have these basic items in my life.

Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 03:04     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:OP - you should always count your blessings. I'm 30, jobless, and had to move back in with my parents after exhausting my savings.


exactly OP sounds like she was raised with donald trump and delusional about how others have it worse off than her. She didn't mention where she went backpacking but probably through europe instead of poorer countries to get a sense of what real life is like in other countries.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 02:57     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
OP - you should always count your blessings. I'm 30, jobless, and had to move back in with my parents after exhausting my savings.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 02:28     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:I think perhaps you are yearning for the life that you led pre-baby. All new mothers do this. Give yourself some time, perhaps you still need time to get used to being a mom.

It is the most toughest, often thankless job in the whole world. Bar none.

However you have a housekeeper along with a nanny. Count your blessings for sure on this. There are tons of parents who don't have the extra cash to pay anyone to outsource their duties.

Plus, this is a tough time for sure. When children are this young, they are not independent yet to care of many of their physical needs. Having to care for another person is stressful, however eventually kids grow up and it will be a lot easier later on.

Keep your eye on the prize OP!


What is the prize?
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 02:27     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
Why are people so stuck on the nanny? Is it because it suggests OP has more money than you? If you work, then you send your child into someone else's care, whether that is a day care or a nanny.

I am not seeing how OP's life is suddenly more charmed than anyone else's because the third party caring for her child is an individual, rather than a center.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 02:24     Subject: Is this all there is to life?
I think perhaps you are yearning for the life that you led pre-baby. All new mothers do this. Give yourself some time, perhaps you still need time to get used to being a mom.

It is the most toughest, often thankless job in the whole world. Bar none.

However you have a housekeeper along with a nanny. Count your blessings for sure on this. There are tons of parents who don't have the extra cash to pay anyone to outsource their duties.

Plus, this is a tough time for sure. When children are this young, they are not independent yet to care of many of their physical needs. Having to care for another person is stressful, however eventually kids grow up and it will be a lot easier later on.

Keep your eye on the prize OP!
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 02:10     Subject: Re:Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:So you're 31 with a nanny and a twice weekly housekeeper, and life is hard. Spare me. You are the definition of entitlement mentality. You need to grow up - fast - before you pass this onto your child. The worst thing is you don't even realize how fortunate you are.


Jesus, why do you women on here have such a starvation mentality? As soon as you figure out that someone has something you don't, the claws come out. Grow up and stop being so damn bitter. Maybe if you worked harder, instead of being hateful, you could afford a nanny and housekeeper too like OP.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 01:42     Subject: Re:Is this all there is to life?
Anonymous wrote:So you're 31 with a nanny and a twice weekly housekeeper, and life is hard. Spare me. You are the definition of entitlement mentality. You need to grow up - fast - before you pass this onto your child. The worst thing is you don't even realize how fortunate you are.


Sounds like a troll honestly.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 01:40     Subject: Re:Is this all there is to life?
So you're 31 with a nanny and a twice weekly housekeeper, and life is hard. Spare me. You are the definition of entitlement mentality. You need to grow up - fast - before you pass this onto your child. The worst thing is you don't even realize how fortunate you are.