I have red hair. My brother has blond hair. My dad has black hair. We are undeniably by father's kids.

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

A man can ever fully know absent a test.

How old is the son here? If he's old enough to know that a swab is "weird," as OP says, then he must be 3 or 4 at least. So OP has thought for four years that his wife has been cheating, and the son is just a manifestation of that suspicion?

OP, you can do the test and once you get the results, you can destroy the papers. You haven't told us your other reasons for suspecting your wife, nor have you told us whether your son looks like you in any way.

Sorry no expert here, but this issue can truly be resolved with a paternity test.

If you do not take one, then you will forever be wondering...and wondering...

For the rest of your life.

OP, if your son resembles the OM's child aside from the red hair, then you do owe it to yourself to know one way or another. This is not something that will go away on its own, and you will probably become more discontent as time goes by.

The other thing is that eventually, in adulthood, your son could need to know about his genetic heritage for health reasons. Or what if he sends off a DNA kit to Ancestry for fun, to trace his extended family tree? Better you know now, so that you could consider sharing this with him in adulthood if necessary, than letting him find out on his own somehow.

This is a very hard situation and I'm sorry you're in it. But I would do one of those kits so at least you can stop wondering.

That's a pretty big betrayal if she did indeed pass a child of her affair off as her H's. But why? Clearly this woman wants to be with you, otherwise it would have been easier to leave for the AP. I'd wAnt to know also

Anonymous wrote:
That is one of the worst comparisons I've ever read on DCUM. Who would be the guilty people going free in the paternity context?

If a man has cause to believe fraud has occurred, he has an easy remedy. No need for even bigger government trying to run people's lives.

No, he doesn't have an easy remedy, that's the whole point of paternity reform. It's based on the honor system.

OP: First, I would feel as you do; betrayed and foolish, perhaps. But let's take this one at a time.

What is this "there are some questions that deserve an answer just because they have been asked" nonsense? Stop that. Totally self-indulgent thinking. Life isn't fair, and "deserves" doesn't apply here.

Now. Think about what you want to have happen in the future. If you leave DW you lose control of DS. You just will. Then your DW will be parading men in who will influence and affect DS (and other sibs). So ultimately, it's about getting your head into a place that can accept the situation as-is.

If the results are that your son is not biologically yours, are you not staying with DW because of that new known fact? That makes no sense. You stayed with her when she cheated. That the cheating caused your son to be born has no relevance. OP, again: You stayed when she cheated. So you would not be leaving her for the cheating. Maybe you should have, but you didn't.

So the only pivot factor now is the existence of your son. If you leave your DW; your son will know it's because of him. The existence of him. It will cause him much self-loathing; probably really f him up good. You may not realize how much--and that is because you are undervaluing the importance of a father and overvaluing the importance of a sperm donor.

So don't do this to him; you said yourself you love him.

I think you should imagine that your DS is not biologically yours. Give it a week. Realize that you can love him independently of the fact that it's not your sperm that created him. Realize that you love him just as much, like people who adopt do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Or because it's insulting, degrading and unnecessary.

It wouldn't be insulting nor degrading if it was mandatory.

Of course it would. The only reason to make it mandatory is because you believe women as a whole are unfaithful and untrustworthy, which is, in fact, insulting and degrading.

No, the reason to make it mandatory is to prevent fraud from being committed. Our justice system is founded upon letting 99 guilty men go free to save one innocent person. Why shouldn't the same principle apply to births?

You seem to think you're making an analogy here. You aren't. There's no constitutional basis for "preventing fraud". Since you seem to think women are liars generally, you could use your logic to say that women aren't allowed to enter into contracts, because you would then be preventing fraudulent contracts. See how dumb that is?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Will never happen, would interrupt the female gravy train.

It'll never happen because who's going to pay for it? I'm certainly not paying for paternity tests on my child when I know for certain they're my husband's. And I don't think taxpayers want to pay those bills out of their pockets.

It already costs, what, $10k out of pocket for births? I'm sure you can find an extra $100 for a mandatory paternity test.

Face facts: The paternity test isn't mandatory because it's in the government's interest to allow women to pin paternity on paying chumps.

You really need to see a therapist or something. You honestly have a conspiracy theory where the women are pulling all the strings to try to trick men. You're a nutball.
"Mandatory" paternity test? Good luck with the constitutionality of that. Let me guess -- you don't like big government? Does that strike you as a little odd? Why on earth would insurance pay for something that neither parent wants. And why would the parents pay for it when they don't think they need it? You can't legally require someone to submit to a blood test unless you get a court order, and there's no medical need here.
Really, dude, get help. You're off in lala-land.

Anonymous wrote:Op here...

DS looks like a lot like OMs other child and it is a gnawing open issue in my mind that I cannot seem to get out of my mind.

I haven't thought about parental rights.

Well, just a thought -- maybe you *should* think about parental rights before you start taking these steps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Will never happen, would interrupt the female gravy train.

It'll never happen because who's going to pay for it? I'm certainly not paying for paternity tests on my child when I know for certain they're my husband's. And I don't think taxpayers want to pay those bills out of their pockets.

Don't even bother. It's the same crazy misogynist dude typing in his mom's basement again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

We don't know she did. We don't even know she cheated. She denies it. He says there's "ample evidence", but we don't even know what that is.
I've never cheated on my DH, but I'm a brunette and he's dark skinned, brown eyes and black hair. DD has bright orange hair, pale skin and green eyes. We know where in my ancestry that comes from, but we have no idea how he could possibly have a recessive red in his background. Nonetheless, unless I was Rufi'd and don't know it, the baby is definitely his.

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Wow, talk about stupid and wasteful.

Anonymous wrote:SHE JUST SAID SHE NEEDED A MAN TO RAISE HER SON RIGHT. What about that are you failing to understand?

Typing in all caps just makes you seem even more stupid. The post you quoted talked only about what the boy needs. What language should I translate it into so that you understand?