Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I was the PP who said you maybe had a shitty lawyer. I'm a lawyer myself who actually doesn't practice family law but got an A+ (my only one!) at Harvard Law in that subject. I have also been in a bad marriage. I totally understand. You just do the best you can at the time. Can't blame yourself and bitterness helps no one

Thanks! I don't feel bitter anymore. Mostly just want it over with. Part of me still can't understand. I am genuinely a good person and always tried to do the right thing. When I married her she was a single mother on welfare. Her child's father was in prison and never contributed a dime to the care of his child.
I gave them both a good stable life. In return I got a miserable, lazy woman that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. She was a very unhappy woman and we were very unhappy together. I really don't understand how she feels like she's owed anything. That will always boggle my mind.

How did you not appreciate that she was a miserable, lazy person before you married her? I mean, people can keep up a facade for a while, but over time these things come out. Unless you rushed into marriage within the first few months of knowing her, I don't really see how you were blindsided by this.

I was young inexperienced and stupid. Didn't live with her prior to marriage so I didn't know her as well as I could have. I wasn't blind sighted as much as she worsened over time.

Sounds like it would be worth it for you to spend a few hundred dollars on a consultation with a family lawyer in California to evaluate whether you have a case to terminate early (assuming you can get proof of her cohabitation). Also, the lawyer can tell you what the court would accept as proof and how much you would likely have to spend to obtain it. Finally, the lawyer can give you an objective opinion as to whether your settlement for ten years of alimony was a "bad deal." He/she can tell you what the law is in California and what a judge would likely have given her (i.e., would she have been entitled to lifetime support and so you settling for 10 years was really in your best interest?). I don't know the law in California and maybe your lawyer was bad or maybe he/she got you the best deal possible in light of the circumstances. I do realize that paying her this money has got to be awful each month and I do feel for you. But it sounds like it would be money well spent to talk to an attorney who can advise you as to whether you have a case to move forward and what it would cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I was the PP who said you maybe had a shitty lawyer. I'm a lawyer myself who actually doesn't practice family law but got an A+ (my only one!) at Harvard Law in that subject. I have also been in a bad marriage. I totally understand. You just do the best you can at the time. Can't blame yourself and bitterness helps no one

Thanks! I don't feel bitter anymore. Mostly just want it over with. Part of me still can't understand. I am genuinely a good person and always tried to do the right thing. When I married her she was a single mother on welfare. Her child's father was in prison and never contributed a dime to the care of his child.
I gave them both a good stable life. In return I got a miserable, lazy woman that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. She was a very unhappy woman and we were very unhappy together. I really don't understand how she feels like she's owed anything. That will always boggle my mind.

How did you not appreciate that she was a miserable, lazy person before you married her? I mean, people can keep up a facade for a while, but over time these things come out. Unless you rushed into marriage within the first few months of knowing her, I don't really see how you were blindsided by this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I was the PP who said you maybe had a shitty lawyer. I'm a lawyer myself who actually doesn't practice family law but got an A+ (my only one!) at Harvard Law in that subject. I have also been in a bad marriage. I totally understand. You just do the best you can at the time. Can't blame yourself and bitterness helps no one

Thanks! I don't feel bitter anymore. Mostly just want it over with. Part of me still can't understand. I am genuinely a good person and always tried to do the right thing. When I married her she was a single mother on welfare. Her child's father was in prison and never contributed a dime to the care of his child.
I gave them both a good stable life. In return I got a miserable, lazy woman that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. She was a very unhappy woman and we were very unhappy together. I really don't understand how she feels like she's owed anything. That will always boggle my mind.

Because you left her. Doesn't matter how miserable you both were, you ended the marriage. She will always view herself as the victim because that's the lense she looks through. She's a woman scorned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I was the PP who said you maybe had a shitty lawyer. I'm a lawyer myself who actually doesn't practice family law but got an A+ (my only one!) at Harvard Law in that subject. I have also been in a bad marriage. I totally understand. You just do the best you can at the time. Can't blame yourself and bitterness helps no one

Thanks! I don't feel bitter anymore. Mostly just want it over with. Part of me still can't understand. I am genuinely a good person and always tried to do the right thing. When I married her she was a single mother on welfare. Her child's father was in prison and never contributed a dime to the care of his child.
I gave them both a good stable life. In return I got a miserable, lazy woman that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. She was a very unhappy woman and we were very unhappy together. I really don't understand how she feels like she's owed anything. That will always boggle my mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I was the PP who said you maybe had a shitty lawyer. I'm a lawyer myself who actually doesn't practice family law but got an A+ (my only one!) at Harvard Law in that subject. I have also been in a bad marriage. I totally understand. You just do the best you can at the time. Can't blame yourself and bitterness helps no one

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

Sadly no. She was uneducated and barely had a GED. I was also uneducated and working in a blue collar job until I got hurt. Had to go on unemployment. Decided I had to do something different and cashed in my 401k (that I saved alone) to put myself through a trade school and get a better job. Which I did.

Ah. I suggested that cause happened to friend of mine. She helped put her husband thru med school and when he left her for another woman she just wanted that money back (which she got). It sounds like you got a bad deal but don't let it interfere with your new life. Good luck!

If she had sacrificed to better our lives I wouldn't be here complaining. I totally get where you're coming from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

OP here. You can say that again. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

Sadly no. She was uneducated and barely had a GED. I was also uneducated and working in a blue collar job until I got hurt. Had to go on unemployment. Decided I had to do something different and cashed in my 401k (that I saved alone) to put myself through a trade school and get a better job. Which I did.

Ah. I suggested that cause happened to friend of mine. She helped put her husband thru med school and when he left her for another woman she just wanted that money back (which she got). It sounds like you got a bad deal but don't let it interfere with your new life. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Maybe OP just had a really shitty lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

She would have reaped the benefits of that during the marriage and via equity in the house. She didn't deserve 10 years alimony. Not OP, by the way.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the one who first asked you what state this was in. You do realize you are posting on a DC forum, right? People here aren't going to be able to give you good advice on California divorce law (which sounds insane BTW). Hope you can resolve this, sounds rough.

OP here. Yes, I understand. Seemed like people posted from all over the country, so I took a shot to ask. You're right, I'd probably get more specific info in a SoCal forum.
And, thanks!

OP, I was the one who first asked you what state this was in. You do realize you are posting on a DC forum, right? People here aren't going to be able to give you good advice on California divorce law (which sounds insane BTW). Hope you can resolve this, sounds rough.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Wondering if she helped put you through grad school? Something doesn't seem right about this.

Sadly no. She was uneducated and barely had a GED. I was also uneducated and working in a blue collar job until I got hurt. Had to go on unemployment. Decided I had to do something different and cashed in my 401k (that I saved alone) to put myself through a trade school and get a better job. Which I did.

"In the universe of California I guess. I agree, it's insane. She also tried to go after me for child support for her 18 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I cannot make this stuff up."

Did you see the case where a wife hired her daughter's boyfriend to kill her husband (daughter's stepfather) for life insurance?