Anonymous wrote:In the not so distant past, the hosts would put all out of town guests up in a hotel or other accommodation on their own dime, not the guests. I believe that even the remake of The Father of the Bride reflects this.

Maybe in the OP's situation it is another case of the 1-5%-ers thinking they're just middle class, and everyone should be able to sacrifice what they consider "only a little bit" for this special occasion.

Good luck OP! I hope you can find a way to participate without going broke or severing ties.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Right now, we are trying to figure out how long we'd want to stay, whether we want to try to make a mini-vacation out of it, etc. I'm thinking a condo in the area or just another hotel would do the trick, and maybe they will come to understand our thinking as the day gets closer. Probably not, but maybe. We are close to our niece and our kids adore her and vice versa, so we must go and the kids must go.

Anonymous wrote:

We can certainly find our own place to stay, but I think they will be offended

Op you're being ridiculous. Make your own decisions. If you haven't learned to tune-out them being "offended", well, start now. And just because someone has a destination wedding, it doesn't mean everyone else embarrasses it as a good idea. ***Go/Don't GO. But please start owning your decisions.***

Anonymous wrote:In the not so distant past, the hosts would put all out of town guests up in a hotel or other accommodation on their own dime, not the guests. I believe that even the remake of The Father of the Bride reflects this.

We can certainly find our own place to stay, but I think they will be offended

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in the exact same situation. Middle class, but not filthy rich. We declined. ILs were pissed. I suggested, "Ok, if you really want us to come, then a) offer an alternative lodging that is not going to blow our savings and b) still want us to stay in the same hotel? pitch in!"

And these are the same people who say that AirBnb is sooo expensive

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again, and wow, this thread got out of hand quick. Thanks to all for the valuable suggestions. Not sure they will be offended, but they will definitely want us to stay altogether. Unless we hit the lottery between now and then, that won't be happening and I am sure we won't be the only ones.

I don't plan to make a big deal out of it. They know our financial situation, in that they are aware that we make WAY less than them. I don't think they care; they are extreme narcissists. Anyways, they are wrapped up in their lives, as we are wrapped up in ours. I am going to assume they will offer several places to choose from to stay, but if they do not, I will be armed with that before I get the invite.

We are religious, but I would never throw that in their face. They waste plenty of money, but I wouldn't say that either. They are always buying new cars and gadgets and clothes and renovating their house and traveling the world (quite literally). I don't want to insult them; this whole trip is about the happy couple.

We will find something that works for us and do the best we can. We want to be there, so we will be there. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little miffed at spending what we'll be spending on a hotel, travel, etc. and then being expected to give an expensive gift too. We'll probably just do cash; they already have everything.

PLEASE do not give them a gift if you are paying for flights, hotels, etc. You'll have spent enough money on them already!

Anonymous wrote:OP here again, and wow, this thread got out of hand quick. Thanks to all for the valuable suggestions. Not sure they will be offended, but they will definitely want us to stay altogether. Unless we hit the lottery between now and then, that won't be happening and I am sure we won't be the only ones.

I don't plan to make a big deal out of it. They know our financial situation, in that they are aware that we make WAY less than them. I don't think they care; they are extreme narcissists. Anyways, they are wrapped up in their lives, as we are wrapped up in ours. I am going to assume they will offer several places to choose from to stay, but if they do not, I will be armed with that before I get the invite.

We are religious, but I would never throw that in their face. They waste plenty of money, but I wouldn't say that either. They are always buying new cars and gadgets and clothes and renovating their house and traveling the world (quite literally). I don't want to insult them; this whole trip is about the happy couple.

We will find something that works for us and do the best we can. We want to be there, so we will be there. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little miffed at spending what we'll be spending on a hotel, travel, etc. and then being expected to give an expensive gift too. We'll probably just do cash; they already have everything.