Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

VERY well said last PP. We are not talking about companionship here or people trying to heal.

Many of these women who do this are vile, manipulative users with no regard for the grieving widow or the family.

+1

My wife's grandfather met a new woman about 5-6 years after his wife passed on -- she'd also been in a vegetative state for a couple years before. My wife's mom was very happy about it, the woman seemed nice and they deliberately stayed unmarried to prevent entanglements. My wife's aunt was apoplectic -- it boiled down to "You're not Mommy!" Eventually he started going downhill and whatever help this woman was willing to provide was chased off by the aunt.

OP, it is a compliment to the dead spouse. The living spouse felt loved and cared for.

In my MIL's case, she seems to hate men, but would never admit this. I suspect FIL could have not cared less about her, frankly. He was never home, for one. But dead FIL got her out of middle America hell, so there is that. Mil will never remarry, or even have a casual boyfriend; she sees men as a negative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

If you have not been through this with your own parent then quit judging.

why would you assume I have not been through this myself? My grief and my parent's grief and desire to make a new life are two separate things. I have no more right to dictate someone else's life choices than they have to dictate mine--adult/parent relationships are no different in this regard. Life is short each and everyone needs to grab whatever happiness we can find and no adult child should try to stop or resent their parent for finding love again after their spouse dies.

So your father or mother met someone online and married them weeks or months after the other parent passed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

PP here with the dad who dated after 1 week. Look, I don't judge. I also don't care, which is where your theory of the universe tends to fall apart. I am not interested in being a part of his shit show, and he and probably you and others with your happy Pollyanna view of the world, want to have me and other grieving children embraced the new person with open arms. Just plain not interested and boy is he PISSED that I won't play along.

If you think doing so is not an insult to the memory of the deceased, you obviously haven't lost a parent you loved. I get it, loyalty is dead, but imagine you dying and your precious children calling some new lady "mom" after a week--I mean, that is LITERALLY what was being asked of me and other people I know with similar situations. If you haven't been there, YOU should stop judging.

In the course of my lifetime, I have list two parents that I loved--not one, two. I never begrudged my widowed mother her second chance at happiness. My grief and her chance to start again were two different things, and I never punished her for my mental state or hers.

Our dad also told the grandkids, including the ones grandma babysat and was extremely close to that this woman he just met on the internet was their new grandma so they were not to miss their old grandma anymore. Imagine how literally a four or seven year old would take hearing something like that a few weeks after grandma died. The kids we confused and heartbroken over this. Then, when we weren't ready to welcome her with open arms so soon after she passed, he was not allowed by her to see any of his children or grandchildren including baptisms and my sister's wedding or participate in any family traditions. She did a string of other things that showed no respect for the grieving family. Talking to other adults who lost their mothers, I have learned that this type of behavior is not uncommon. She was the fourth woman he proposed to immediately after mom passed and she knew it but didn't care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

VERY well said last PP. We are not talking about companionship here or people trying to heal.

Many of these women who do this are vile, manipulative users with no regard for the grieving widow or the family.

All situations are different. My brother resented my elderly mother's companion [friendship turned to romance started about 1 year after my dad's death] and a few years later refused to notify him of her death promptly or even the funeral. Sheer bullying tactics and my brother was always expressing concern that the companion was after her money but that simply was not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

If you have not been through this with your own parent then quit judging.

why would you assume I have not been through this myself? My grief and my parent's grief and desire to make a new life are two separate things. I have no more right to dictate someone else's life choices than they have to dictate mine--adult/parent relationships are no different in this regard. Life is short each and everyone needs to grab whatever happiness we can find and no adult child should try to stop or resent their parent for finding love again after their spouse dies.