Anonymous wrote:You DO NOT need husbands permission to be inseminated...for good reason!

Lol, yeah. Banging the nanny is ok, provided your motivation is purely to use her as a surrogate.

I've read nothing here that makes me think you should reproduce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get the sperm donor, and tell DH once you have a confirmed pregnancy. Make it clear he can stay or go, you won't seek child support. Your body, your choice.

How could she seek child support anyway? It wouldn't be his child and no signature of his to agree to the sperm donor. It would be absolutely ridiculous if she could get child support after betraying her husband.

It would seem ridiculous and unfair, at least from a primal level, but the law is ambiguous about this.

Any children born within a marriage are legally the husband's, no matter whose baby it is.

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

Anonymous wrote:There are some really fucked up people in this workd and in this thread. Do NOT go and inseminate yourself with donor sperm behind your husband's back. That is dirty and underhanded and wrong. And your child will pay if your husband finds out. Why create a mess and drama unnecessarily?

+1000
The lunatics have really swarmed out of the woodwork for this one.

You DO NOT need husbands permission to be inseminated...for good reason!

can she order sperm from the internet?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get the sperm donor, and tell DH once you have a confirmed pregnancy. Make it clear he can stay or go, you won't seek child support. Your body, your choice.

How could she seek child support anyway? It wouldn't be his child and no signature of his to agree to the sperm donor. It would be absolutely ridiculous if she could get child support after betraying her husband.

It would seem ridiculous and unfair, at least from a primal level, but the law is ambiguous about this.

Anonymous wrote:I would get the sperm donor, and tell DH once you have a confirmed pregnancy. Make it clear he can stay or go, you won't seek child support. Your body, your choice.

How could she seek child support anyway? It wouldn't be his child and no signature of his to agree to the sperm donor. It would be absolutely ridiculous if she could get child support after betraying her husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

Actually, reproductive doctors don't check like adoption agencies. They don't check marriage records at the court or preform home site visits.

But they do want your insurance information, and your previous medical records, especially if OP had previous fertility workups or treatments. This would show that OP was married. Or should OP try to lie about her medical history and insurance, too?

she should probably go abroad and pay by cash. it would be difficult to hide the whole process from home anyways. OP, fake a business trip to prague.

Anonymous wrote:I do love my husband. And he's my best friend but it's because we do fun things and spend quality time together. It's not because we share an amazing connection. And that's ok because marriage is hard work and we're grown ups. We're already seeing a sex therapist, a couples counselor and individual therapists, so I think we're covered on that front. Typing it all out here makes our relationship look a bit absurd.

Yes. You want kids. Move on and find a man who can give them to you.

Anonymous wrote:How about this? Maybe a little out there, but...

Freeze some eggs now.
Also, use some donor sperm to create some embryos now that may be frozen.
This buys you time and preserves the opportunity that you may, in the next few years or so, work through things, possibly divorce, possibly find a new spouse.

This is probably the best option I have seen here. Do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you crazies recommending that she get pregnant with donor sperm actually been through fertility treatments? No clinic will treat a married woman using donor sperm without her husband's knowledge and consent.

Actually, reproductive doctors don't check like adoption agencies. They don't check marriage records at the court or preform home site visits.

But they do want your insurance information, and your previous medical records, especially if OP had previous fertility workups or treatments. This would show that OP was married. Or should OP try to lie about her medical history and insurance, too?

Right? This suggestion is just ludicrous. The chances of OP meeting another man at some point in the next 50 years of her life and having a love relationship are pretty darn good. But she has a small window in which to have a kid. She can do that on her own via ART and/or adoption. What she should NOT do is go behind her husband's back and do a bunch of, if not illegal, certainly morally questionable things to get donor sperm to have a baby.