Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 12:19     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Gurl Bye!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 12:03     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Anonymous wrote:I think this is normal—is she 70+? It’s part of life. At least she’s not lonely and complaining right?


This. 75+ seems to really hit hard.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 12:00     Subject: Re:My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
What’s up with these rambling posts? Are these all troll post trying to see how much people are willing to invest in reading a post. If not then get an editor.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 09:29     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
She is declining back to the self-centered teenage years. Soon she will re-enter a childlike phase, and then a late in life toddlerhood. where she will need significant care and supervision.

It's the circle of life.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 09:27     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Anonymous wrote:
OP,

Don't you realize that your mother is simply growing old and that her interests are dwindling, and naturally centering on herself? It's really obvious. Most, but not all, elderly people become that way.

We have observed the same symptoms with both of our very affectionate mothers, DH and I. One additional similarity is that our families are overseas, and that distance (not being able to drop by every day) greatly decreases the emotional and psychological bond. She can't see your kids in the flesh and hug then - obviously at some point she won't be able to maintain interest in their every life happening, or in yours.

This may translate to dementia (there are several forms of it) down the road, so watch out. You should start thinking about what to do for her when she becomes less functional, bringing her closer to you, close to another family member, assisted living, etc.




This is what I see. Friends and cousins whose parents eventually needed memory care went through this exact phase in the decade before the dementia became obvious.

OP, chalk it up to her aging. It's not really about you.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 08:53     Subject: Re:My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
The parent-child relationship starts out 100%-0% - with the parent giving 100% and the child giving back 0%. It slowly changes and should become 50%-50% when the child is an adult(of course this doesn’t always happen). Then, as the parent ages it often moves to be more focused on the parent than the child. The transition can be a bit bumpy.

Sometimes, when a parent pulls back and focuses more on themselves, the child feels like their parent no longer cares about them.




Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 08:44     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
My first take is that your growing resentment of your own financial situation is also growing negative feelings towards your Mom.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 08:38     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
This thread is old!

I don’t know why people were being so hard o. OP. I would be upset if one of my parents changed like this. But in OP’s case, that is a big change. People don’t normally just turn into narcissists when they get older. Something else is probably going on.

My mom has ALWAYS been this way, and I’ve gradually distanced myself from her. I feel so much better now that I have people around me now that aren’t always making it all about themselves, all the time.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 08:33     Subject: Re:My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
My mom is like this but her mother was not. I think that Greatest Generation was just more mentally solid than other generations after them.
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2024 22:58     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Geez this must be universal. I called my mom today to tell her something important and got to hear in excruciating detail about last nights dream and a youtube video she watched. Even if she compliments me she follows it up with "But when I was your age I REALLY turned heads."
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2024 22:36     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Anonymous wrote:I read this and I think OP is really upset that her mom doesn't give her so much stuff now and even expects to be given stuff. Money/gifts/expenses came up too often in the original post.


Probably not. My mother is like op described and has no money.
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2024 22:00     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Why on earth are you spending more than you can afford on anyone?

Stop that immediately, OP.

Your mother is old, and may or may not be in cognitive decline. My mother is 74 and has slowly started to behave in a similar fashion, except that this for me is a welcome change, because she used to nag and criticize me and the kids a lot, and now that she's less interested, she's actually more pleasant

Let it go, and save your money for your retirement and college or other savings for your children. Your mother does not need expensive gifts. She can pout all she wants if she's disappointed.

And for God's sake stop with the whiny tone and martyr complex!
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2024 21:33     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
I think this is normal—is she 70+? It’s part of life. At least she’s not lonely and complaining right?
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2024 21:17     Subject: Re:My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
This thread is so old but I'm going through this now. My mom, is a widow , she's nearing retirement, has a flourishing social life ... She does call me occasionally and we email frequently but there are times where she will seriously hang up on me while I'm mid sentence and not ask a single thing about how I'm doing... It hurts but I just have to remember she is living a well deserved chapter of her own life now.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2015 11:18     Subject: My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She's getting old. It's what's happens. Jeez my mom is the same way. God, she talks non stop about stupid shit, and never asks anyone else about what is happening in their lives. Seriously, we could have a conversation like this:

Me: holy shit mom! The most amazing thing happened today. I single handedly thwarted an ISIS terror plot while shopping in the Body Shop at Pentagon city.

Mom: ok... So I just tried a new recipe for a zucchini casserole. Here, let me go into excruciating detail of how I made it and the conversation your father and I had while I was in the kitchen.

Me: ...cool story bro.


OMG, I am laughing. My mom is the exact same way now. I guess we will do this to our own children.
geez, you women are self-centered and ignorant. As people get older, less mobile, retire, become ill, etc., there world contracts and they not only have less to talk about, they have fewer people to talk to--their world gets smaller, thus the "boring" discussions you all ridicule. It is very similar to the one sided talk of a new stay at home mom--boring to others. Try compassion, as I have watched loved ones go through stages of old age, I have seen all of this to greater or lessor degrees. It makes me sad for all they have lost, not superior for all I have.



God, do people like you troll these boards to be insulting and superior? Op is feeling sad, and alone on this issue. The above posters are using humour to commiserate with her. She's not alone. What she is experiencing is part of the aging process. It's natural and honestly not a bad thing. You become self centered as you age to continue your survival. An older person's interests dwindle away- it's natures way of helping you let go. Please save your misplaced self righteous indignation for another thread.


Nah, but apparently you do.


NP. The PP you're responding to sounded way more reasonable than you did.
Pulling back from the world is a part of the dying process not a natural part of the aging process. Sadly, our elderly tend to be minimized by both society and their families. Depression and loneliness is rampant particularly after retirement, death if a spouse or illness. This is not a "natural" part of aging. It is current societal construct which is not the same as detaching from the world as when dying.