Anonymous
Post 07/11/2015 10:13     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just let her pay off her credit card? It's no longer a matter of life and death, the cat has had the surgery already so hopefully she'll be able to keep her companion for a long while. I don't see where you need to get involved any further.


+1
It will be another emergency every year if she knows she can put it on the credit card and you will pay for it. I can't believe you are even considering enabling this


Save the rest of your charitable family donation funds for the future when she surely will need financial help to cover her own bills. My parents lived through the Depression and they would never spend that kind of money on our pets.


This is my position, too, OP. I have a feeling she may need financial assistance down the road. Yes, it's a bit awkward to say no/ignore her hints now. But the reality is that you probably don't have infinite resources so if she needed critical support later (for her own health), that's where the money should go in my opinion. I feel like it's not if, but when. And even then, you and your husband probably need to set-up some boundaries. Good luck. Family situations involving financial assistance (and poor life choices) can be very difficult.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2015 09:04     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.


Suuure you would
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 21:49     Subject: Re:Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this the same asshole posting all the previous asshole-ish replies?


No, its not. We've had cats, currently own a dog. Just pointing out that it is a really poor choice to spend $6000 on a cat- especially if you can't afford it. I completely understand the bond between pet and owner. But guess what- death is part of life. SIX GRAND on a cat? You're out of your mind. And without knowing the condition / surgery, I question its quality of life going forward.

My vote is euthanize, mourn, and new kitten.

Call me an asshole if you want but OP's sister is making very bad choices due to emotion.


Look, I agree with you. I personally would euthanize (probably?) if it were my call. But don't you think "kill the cat" sounds a little harsh? This is someone's beloved pet.


I think she did the surgery because she's already broke. What's more broke?
$6000 is a meaningless number if you have almost no money or if you have lots and lots of money. If you are like OP and most of us, $6000 is a decent chunk of change that we could use for a lot of things. No, giving it to her would not put us in the poor house, but it would mean not using it for something else.


Like a nice used car. Or invest it for retirement or college. Huge opportunity cost.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 21:47     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Do not give her a loan. Do not.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 21:44     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
No way. $50 and good luck. She needs to run her own cost/benefit analyses and pay for a Hail Mary pet surgery herself.
Many of us have had to put a pet down, sometimes after costly (not $6k costly!) treatments sometimes nothing could be done.m
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 21:37     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
No, don't give very much to save her cat.

My impoverished relative spent thousands she did not have to save her older dog--and the dog died a few days later anyway. She now has an enormous bill and the vet has a boat payment. But, it did take that experience to teach her and she only spent a minimum amount on her other older dogs, with no heroic measures. If she had spent other people's money, she would not have learned a thing. Feel sorry for your relative, but I would probably also have to put down my cat if such a thing occurred.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 20:50     Subject: Re:Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look, I agree with you. I personally would euthanize (probably?) if it were my call. But don't you think "kill the cat" sounds a little harsh? This is someone's beloved pet.


FFS- it was half snark / half truth. You haven't been here long if you think that post was a little harsh.


I've been here a while and it was harsh.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 19:49     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:She doesn't say how much more she wants. Just talks about how she doesn't have enough. Asks whether we think it's ok for her to ask her friends for more, etc... Heavy, heavy hinting. She's my sister in law. My spouse says we should just ignore the hinting, but she's directing all of it at me. I don't know what to say! I've tried just listening and validating. "oh, that must be so hard" etc... but she keeps on going. It's also hard, because I'm kind of mortified that she's asking her friends for money for this.


She's directing her pleas to you because you are a softie and keep validating her feelings. If I was your DH, I'd be irritated at you for enabling her.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 19:46     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all are making me feel slightly guilty for spending $12k to save my horse a few years back.


It's not the amount, PP, it's whether you could afford to or not. Horses are more expensive than cats anyway.


+1. Besides, you can ride a horse.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 18:47     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Shouldn't this be posted under "Pets"??
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 18:42     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:You all are making me feel slightly guilty for spending $12k to save my horse a few years back.


It's not the amount, PP, it's whether you could afford to or not. Horses are more expensive than cats anyway.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 18:39     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
You all are making me feel slightly guilty for spending $12k to save my horse a few years back.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 17:49     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.


Thank you for hitting the nail squarely on the head. I don't think OP is obligated to do anything, but it sounds like this relative could use some compassion and financial support.


$6,000 for a cat operation? Sounds like the relative needed financial counseling more than financial support.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 17:43     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.


Thank you for hitting the nail squarely on the head. I don't think OP is obligated to do anything, but it sounds like this relative could use some compassion and financial support.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2015 17:24     Subject: Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position
^^love my next cat not leave