Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 21:00     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry I feel like my life didn't really "start" until I had DD. Yes DH and I still love our date nights and take the occasional few days away, but I just am head over heals for DD and couldn't imagine life without her.


I think this is fascinating. And I wonder how old you were when you had your child?



Gave birth just before my 31st bday, got pregnant the first month of trying. I had wanted a child as long as I can remember and felt very whole and complete once I had her. She didn't slow us down, we just take her with us everywhere. She's very well behaved, well most days, lol, and has such a fun little personality. We really couldn't be happier.


Sounds like she's still a wee one. Check back in 15 years.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 19:13     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.


If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.


Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.


How old is your kid? I hope you're saving for therapy because he or she can likely tell you're not into parenting and will need counseling down the line.


They're 3.5 and 2.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 19:11     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.


If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.


Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.


How old is your kid? I hope you're saving for therapy because he or she can likely tell you're not into parenting and will need counseling down the line.


So I guess all the kids with dads who work full time who let the mom be the main parent should start saving for therapy. There's going to need to be a lot of therapists in the future.


NP here. Yep, disengagement/detachment from either parent can screw up a child. And screwed up people don't necessarily go into therapy, unfortunately. They just keep having miserable lives.

In terms of fathers disengaging, I can't tell you how many girlfriends I have who have really unhealthy relationships with men, because of the issues they have with their father. I also have male friends who have huge anger/abandonment issues from fathers who either walked out of their lives or who were workaholics and made it clear that their kids were nothing to them.

So, yes, it goes both ways. Children need parents. GASP!!! What a profound discovery.



I call bullshit. I'm the main parent. I'm a woman. Most of my friends who are women are the main parent. Or the default parent, as it has recently been described. It doesn't mean the dads aren't around and don't love their kids. Grow up, everything isn't so black and white. I think it's a bullshit double standard. If a woman acts the way TONS of dads do, then they're causing psychological damage and producing "miserable" people.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 17:08     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being a mom is not the biggest thing in my life. But, I don't like kids, and I'm not hugely sentimental.


If you don't like kids why did you choose to become a mom? Serious question, no snark.


Because my husband very badly wanted to be a father, and I want him to remain my husband. So he's the main parent, and we have a nanny while I work full time even though financially I don't need to.


How old is your kid? I hope you're saving for therapy because he or she can likely tell you're not into parenting and will need counseling down the line.


So I guess all the kids with dads who work full time who let the mom be the main parent should start saving for therapy. There's going to need to be a lot of therapists in the future.


NP here. Yep, disengagement/detachment from either parent can screw up a child. And screwed up people don't necessarily go into therapy, unfortunately. They just keep having miserable lives.

In terms of fathers disengaging, I can't tell you how many girlfriends I have who have really unhealthy relationships with men, because of the issues they have with their father. I also have male friends who have huge anger/abandonment issues from fathers who either walked out of their lives or who were workaholics and made it clear that their kids were nothing to them.

So, yes, it goes both ways. Children need parents. GASP!!! What a profound discovery.

Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 17:02     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, can't relate - having kids IS the best thing in the world for me. I love to educate them, and show them the world. Which includes taking them to movies, museums, etc, and getting together with friends and family.

It's not either/or, OP. It's everything!


Well said!
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 17:00     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Children are not the BEST thing in the world...

Hot fudge sundaes are and always will be...
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 16:58     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
I have a friend who is determined to let everyone know that she wants to be with her kids 24/7. For example, she tells a group of us that her kid is starting preschool. Someone chimes in "oh, that'll be a nice break for you. Her reply "No no no, it's NOT a break. I don't need a break. It's for socialization, bla bla." Similarly, she doesn't need or want sitters, and so on. Love my kids, but can't imagine not ever wanting some adult time.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 16:33     Subject: Re:Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Anonymous wrote:I wish everyone who says "I fell bad for your kid" would tattoo it on their foreheads, put it in their email signatures, or at least wear an IFBFYK lapel pin.

It would be a handy way to let the well-intentioned, competent, but human and fallible people in the world avoid toxicity.


+1. I assume those posters have very little in the way of life experiences and an excess of insecurity.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 16:28     Subject: Re:Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
I wish everyone who says "I fell bad for your kid" would tattoo it on their foreheads, put it in their email signatures, or at least wear an IFBFYK lapel pin.

It would be a handy way to let the well-intentioned, competent, but human and fallible people in the world avoid toxicity.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 15:33     Subject: Re:Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
False dichotomy.

My kids are the fucking best thing since sliced bread. They are super cool and I love them and DH and the fact that we can all be together all the time is like a little party every evening.

I feel bad for your kid, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 15:27     Subject: Re:Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
Having children is the best, most fulfilling, most rewarding, most beautiful thing in life for me. There is absolutely nothing that trumps that.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 13:25     Subject: Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
I was very happy before having kids, but I had a strong pull to have them. And now, despite sometimes being PITAs who suck the life force out of me, I can't imagine my life without them, nor would I want to. They have made my life better and worse on a day to day basis, but I am far more content with them than I would be without at this point in my life.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2015 13:19     Subject: Re:Having children is great but not the best thing in the world. Do you agree?
I get it OP. I love my kids and (95% of the time) am glad that DH and I decided to start a family. But I don't think it's necessary for a happy life the way some people make it out to be. I have several childless, married friends who have very fulfilling, interesting lives. I could see myself being just as happy without kids. Perhaps I would feel differently if I chose not to have kids (the grass is always greener) but I certainly envy my childless friends more than I envy any friend I have with kids.

I think for some people, kids are the best thing in the world. But that theory is certainly not universal.