Anonymous
05/19/2015 12:20
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
From the I don't respect my husband thread:
This is one reason it's wise to get married a little later rather than doing everything you can to 'land' a husband in your mid 20's- you'll have time to see more of how they turn out, if they do what they say they will do, if they realize some of that potential you're banking on.
I realize it's too late for you in this regard OP, but something other women should consider.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 12:19
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Agreed. My friend is 27 and has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years. He's a Jerk. They just moved in together and by that I mean he's allowed her to move her stuff in to his place. Her name is on nothing tied to that house (well except for the postal Service). He could kick her out tomorrow and she'd have no recourse. He keeps coming up with reasons why he's not ready for marriage (he's 34). I'm worried she's wasting her prime years on him.
This sounds like my daughter. She's 29 and she's been dating her boyfriend for 7 years. He's a jerk. She just moved out of state to move in with him, and she doesn't have her name on anything. He also has a ton of reasons why he's not ready for marriage (he's 35). She's definitely wasting her prime years on him, and it makes me sad. She wants to have a child, and he's not saying yes or no but just stringing her along. I've tried everything to convey to her that she doesn't need to wait on him, but clearly message not received...it sucks.
Your daughter deserves it.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 12:19
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also young women need to be honest with themselves about if this is the relationship they really want, just as it is. I wasted years with a guy who was willing to commit and did propose, but I was unwilling to move forward myself unless certain things about him and our relationship changed. I would advise women not to stay with a guy that they would want to marry only if something about him changed. Most likely it will never change and all your time will have been wasted.
This is so true!
We've all heard this too many times, within our network of friends. We don't use this information to make decisions regarding our own relationships no matter how many times we hear the stories.
Why?
Especially, for women in their 20s who have years and years of opportunity ahead of them.
I think it's because when you're young (in your 20s) you mistakenly feel that you will be young forever. You only think you have years and years of opportunity ahead of you. You don't have perspective until you get older. By your late 20s you may get serious about finding someone to settle down with, but then you date for a couple of years without finding anyone right, and before you know it you are 30 or 31 and heading up toward 40. You know it's best to have kids before age 35 (anything after that is considered "advanced maternal age" and higher risk) and you may start to panic and make bad decisions.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 12:15
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:As if it's illegal for her to propose.
This will never happen because it makes women responsible for themselves, which we all know is the LAST thing they want.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 11:06
Subject: Re:Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?
Anonymous
05/19/2015 11:00
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord! And I say this as someone who married my husband at 26 and who didn't move in with him until we were engaged.
It all depends on what you want in life. Sure, if you want a traditional marriage and 2.5 children, it's good to get hitched in your late 20s.
However (and I know it's a shock!), not all women want that! Not even all straight women (because the OP is definitely leaving out all the lesbian ladies in his/her comments about snaring a man). I have plenty of friends who simply do not want children. They did not want them when I met them back in college and they do not want them now, in their late 30s-early 40s. Some are married, some are not but they are consistently child-free. In that case, there is no biological clock ticking so when (if ever), you get a man becomes immaterial. That's not even getting into the fact that some of them don't want any sort of commitment at all and like casual relationships (and if they are that way at 40, chances are they are not going to have an epiphany that they want a commitment asap).
Seriously, it's not 1955.
Mm. I dunno. I don't want kids but I would like to be married, and as an Unmarried 29 year old, I agree with ops advice for the most part. The pp 29 year old who is dating guys for two to three months and breaking it off is doing things right. I spent way too much of my 20s and 30s in long term monogoamous relationships.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:57
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
I respectfully disagree with your logic OP.
Here's why:
You are implying that a woman's looks begin to go downhill somewhere in her late 20's. For some, this may be true but no women should ever feel like her chances for meeting a man get slimmer the more she ages. Women in their 20's are still trying to figure life out as well as form their own unique identities at this stage. No one should feel as if their best years are so temporary.
While in theory, I agree that a woman should date Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. No one can argue this fact. But the 20's are not the time to start planning marriage and foreverness if you can help it.
The twenties are a time to enjoy one's youth. To live a care-free existence and get to know one's self. Most people do not see themselves getting hitched until their 30's anyway.
By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.
Here's why:
You are implying that a woman's looks begin to go downhill somewhere in her late 20's. For some, this may be true but no women should ever feel like her chances for meeting a man get slimmer the more she ages. Women in their 20's are still trying to figure life out as well as form their own unique identities at this stage. No one should feel as if their best years are so temporary.
While in theory, I agree that a woman should date Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. No one can argue this fact. But the 20's are not the time to start planning marriage and foreverness if you can help it.
The twenties are a time to enjoy one's youth. To live a care-free existence and get to know one's self. Most people do not see themselves getting hitched until their 30's anyway.
By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:49
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
OP does sound like a self-important young guy condescending to tell "ladies" and "girls" how to "catch" a man. Aside from all that silliness, I've noticed that if you are a woman who does want to marry, you need to shop amongst the 28-year-old men. Something weird happens to them at that age, and they're most vulnerable to being "caught." LOL
Man-trappin' 101.
Man-trappin' 101.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:49
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Oh Good Lord! And I say this as someone who married my husband at 26 and who didn't move in with him until we were engaged.
It all depends on what you want in life. Sure, if you want a traditional marriage and 2.5 children, it's good to get hitched in your late 20s.
However (and I know it's a shock!), not all women want that! Not even all straight women (because the OP is definitely leaving out all the lesbian ladies in his/her comments about snaring a man). I have plenty of friends who simply do not want children. They did not want them when I met them back in college and they do not want them now, in their late 30s-early 40s. Some are married, some are not but they are consistently child-free. In that case, there is no biological clock ticking so when (if ever), you get a man becomes immaterial. That's not even getting into the fact that some of them don't want any sort of commitment at all and like casual relationships (and if they are that way at 40, chances are they are not going to have an epiphany that they want a commitment asap).
Seriously, it's not 1955.
It all depends on what you want in life. Sure, if you want a traditional marriage and 2.5 children, it's good to get hitched in your late 20s.
However (and I know it's a shock!), not all women want that! Not even all straight women (because the OP is definitely leaving out all the lesbian ladies in his/her comments about snaring a man). I have plenty of friends who simply do not want children. They did not want them when I met them back in college and they do not want them now, in their late 30s-early 40s. Some are married, some are not but they are consistently child-free. In that case, there is no biological clock ticking so when (if ever), you get a man becomes immaterial. That's not even getting into the fact that some of them don't want any sort of commitment at all and like casual relationships (and if they are that way at 40, chances are they are not going to have an epiphany that they want a commitment asap).
Seriously, it's not 1955.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:46
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.
Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.
I know it is fucked up, but a woman is heavily valued based upon her appearance. What rock have you been living under?
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:39
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
OP, you sound like an idiot. Sure, if you're not getting what you want out of a relationship, leave, but your misogynistic, shallow, infantile post betrays your desperation.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 10:07
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
This thread is actually full of good advice. I think the mistake women make is waiting until their thirties to realize they want marriage and kids. That's when they end up settling.
A good marriage is a goal like a career goal and should be treated as such. If you want to be a doctor you have to start your education in your college years and work hard.
It's the same with dating. If you want a good marriage you have to only stay with men with similar goals who you also love. If the would-be doctor spends his med school years partying instead of studying he won't achieve his goal. The same goes for dating. There's not much time for fooling around and having fun with men you know you won't marry, or who won't marry you.
A good marriage is a goal like a career goal and should be treated as such. If you want to be a doctor you have to start your education in your college years and work hard.
It's the same with dating. If you want a good marriage you have to only stay with men with similar goals who you also love. If the would-be doctor spends his med school years partying instead of studying he won't achieve his goal. The same goes for dating. There's not much time for fooling around and having fun with men you know you won't marry, or who won't marry you.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 09:58
Subject: Re:Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
I'm the OP from the " everyone is getting engaged!" Thread and this hits hard. This is precisely why I'm frustrated.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 09:57
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
This reminds me of the poster in the explicit section that starts every stupid thread with a question for the "Ladies" - cannot take it seriously and am imagining Mrs. Doubtfire.
Anonymous
05/19/2015 09:52
Subject: Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh. I am 29 and I'm finding this out the hard way. I've been single for a year and a half, and I keep dating guys for 2-3 months at a time, knowing they're not what I want. I guess it's better to break it off, knowing it's not a good match, after only a couple months rather than a couple years though.
Yes, it's much better. Stay strong! I took this strategy and it totally worked-- it's just a matter of not wasting time on the wrong guys, so that you can meet the right one.