You're not invisible.

Younger women just get a lot of attention. It's one of those things that you don't notice until it's gone. As you get older, you are treated more like a man.

Went to the movies the other day and noticed during the previews that there really are practically no middle-aged women in most movies. THere are old dudes like Clooney and young guys and young women but there are an awful lot of movies that seriously have no women my age even in them. We are invisible as a demographic!

My beloved Grandma, who died 5 years ago, was sort of like a cross between Blanche Devereaux and Audrey Hepburn, if you can imagine. She was always tiny and cute, and she dressed in chic clothes in bright colors. She had an extensive collection of jewelry, and she was a shopaholic until the day she died. When I was in high school, my friends would come over and hang out around the kitchen table chatting with her, and they all called her "Grammie" and talked about how cool my Grandma is. Adults of all ages treated her as if she were some unexpected, exquisite creature, and would pay careful attention to whatever she said. My grandpa worshiped her. She was certainly not invisible, and though I'm certainly not as special or attention-drawing as she was, there is hope. If you have presence, it doesn't go away.

Plus, my other grandma, who now lives in a retirement community, exists in a world similar to the one I inhabited in high school: those ladies flirt outrageously with the men in the home, and they don't feel sorry for themselves.

I thought I was fairly invisible (which is fine with me) until yesterday when a millenial asked me if I was someone famous. I said no but she asked me if I had been on Youtube. I laughed and said,"I hope not!" and asked my friend if she had posted old videos of me.

You're not "invisible," just overly focused on people valuing your looks. You don't mention anyone ignoring your kindness, friendliness, talents etc.


Hard for anyone to notice your kindness, friendliness and talents when they do not see you at all. It is not even about noticing your appearance, it is about them not seeing you at all. I have been a woman my whole life (lol) and am used to working in a predominantly male field where I would say something yet the response was given to my male partner. I used to say that women were transparent. Now that I am older, I see that we are simply invisible.

I haven't had that problem too often, and my field is finance. But I have been in the same job for a long time, so the people I interact with are very familiar with what I am capable of, from a professional perspective.

58yo - I can go shopping and not be greeted in one store, this would be great if I was a shoplifter! As the years go on I become more and more transparent. When I was in my early 50s I thought I was relevant because I still looked good for my age - but that ship sailed.

Ops, already posted. Sorry.

This is a great read - the insults of age

http://www.themonthly.com.au/issue/2015/may/1430402400/helen-garner/insults-age

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^wow, what an amazing essay!

I know I'm supposed to admire the author based on this essay, but I don't. She sounds acid and nasty and looking for a fight everywhere she goes. I think she could have accomplished her same goals by confronting the schoolgirl without yanking her ponytail, and by politely requesting a pleasant seat by the window instead of demeaning the waiter and treating him like a servant when he was surely just following management's orders to hide the old ladies in the back. Not impressed.

You've got to be kidding. Just accept it? Surely you jest. And yanking the ponytail? Priceless.

Accept what? Please re-read.

Yanking someone's ponytail is assault and could get you arrested, 70 years old or not.

Being 70 isn't a license to shred everyone around you.

I'm pretty sure she could say she could say she was defending the people that the girl was assaulting. Defense of others is not actionable. And the humor in this essay is British and very, very dry. Some of you calling her rude are completely missing the hyperbole of British phrasing. Dave Barry is probably more your style.

Well, the author is Australian. And funny thing - I'm English.

As I said...reading comprehension is a good thing.

Also: hyperbole does not mean what you think it means, nor is it remotely related to "dry humor." British humor is famous for its understatement, not for its exaggerated overstatement (that would be "hyperbole"). This may be the saddest attempt at condescension I've ever read.

I know that I am treated differently in stores now that I am 50 plus. Try shopping in a nice department store, or hell, even Target at 50 plus if you don't care about how you look. I have money to buy the entire store now but am treated like a homeless person. I'm a bitch now and I do speak up and complain. Even at the grocery store by my house, I'm only treated with any courtesy by the manager when the manager is an older woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been an attractive woman and people often commented on my looks especially on my face. In my younger years, if I changed my lipstick by one shade friends and co-workers would notice. Last week I got about four inches cut off of my hair - went from a long bob to a short bob - and not one person even mentioned I got my hair cut.

I've been feeling invisible in other areas, too. A couple months ago a young (30 something) neighbor told me laughingly that her father (around my age) thought I was beautiful. She said it as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

Does a woman in her later years simply become invisible to younger people? (Although with the hair cut, even women my own age didn't notice.)

OP, are you sure she thought it was absurd that her father would consider you beautiful? Or maybe she was laughing at her father having a crush on you. Of course, I wasn't there but I think I would have assumed the latter -- that she was laughing at her father, not you.

That was my first thought too.

Anonymous wrote:You're not "invisible," just overly focused on people valuing your looks. You don't mention anyone ignoring your kindness, friendliness, talents etc.

Hard for anyone to notice your kindness, friendliness and talents when they do not see you at all. It is not even about noticing your appearance, it is about them not seeing you at all. I have been a woman my whole life (lol) and am used to working in a predominantly male field where I would say something yet the response was given to my male partner. I used to say that women were transparent. Now that I am older, I see that we are simply invisible.

You're not "invisible," just overly focused on people valuing your looks. You don't mention anyone ignoring your kindness, friendliness, talents etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^wow, what an amazing essay!

I know I'm supposed to admire the author based on this essay, but I don't. She sounds acid and nasty and looking for a fight everywhere she goes. I think she could have accomplished her same goals by confronting the schoolgirl without yanking her ponytail, and by politely requesting a pleasant seat by the window instead of demeaning the waiter and treating him like a servant when he was surely just following management's orders to hide the old ladies in the back. Not impressed.

You've got to be kidding. Just accept it? Surely you jest. And yanking the ponytail? Priceless.

Accept what? Please re-read.

Yanking someone's ponytail is assault and could get you arrested, 70 years old or not.

Being 70 isn't a license to shred everyone around you.

I'm pretty sure she could say she could say she was defending the people that the girl was assaulting. Defense of others is not actionable. And the humor in this essay is British and very, very dry. Some of you calling her rude are completely missing the hyperbole of British phrasing. Dave Barry is probably more your style.

My mother was never invisible after she retired at age 62 - she talked to everyone. They just loved her and thought she was so interesting. Actually she was a good listener. I need to practice this.

I turn 56 this year. I am not invisible. I have had to get progressive lenses and I have bum knee. Young people offer me seats on the croded bus in the morning. Not invisible, but sure making me feel old. Blegh!