Anonymous wrote:Your starting premise is that a perfectly healthy mother who has given birth to a perfectly healthy baby is highly unlikely to have a stillborn birth.

False premise.

Find something else to occupy your time and energy.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your sister was buried - if she has a literal grave that you can go to and actually see and touch her tomb stone - why do you think that she is still alive?

This--what makes you think they would have all of this, a funeral, a tomb everything if she had lived? OP, let it go. I'm sorry your sister died and you never knew her.

Exactly! Why the hell would they have a grave for her if she wasn't dead? And, as far as transporting her out of state, she was likely cremated. Even the cremated remains of an adult fit easily into a carry on.

Again, if she did live, I do NOT think my parents know! I do NOT believe they gave her up.

I know my parents quite well. They would not have had her cremated. They would not have transported her themselves (certainly not in a carry on bag!). they would not have held an actual funeral - it would have been a private burial. I never even knew that she had a grave site until a couple of years ago when I came across a picture of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the supportive responses. I really do appreciate it. I typed my post quite hastily last night, so I wanted to clarify a couple of things.

I did not mean to imply that only unhealthy women have stillborns. Sorry that it came across that way. The point I was trying to make was that I have never heard of an explanation. I have never heard if it was something wrong with my mom, the baby, if the cord was wrapped around her neck. I have had three kids of my own and my mom has never told me of anything I should be aware of.

The part that seems off is that I remember talking with my mom about my sister and I being breach, and I wondered why we weren't c-section. She said that the doctor told her "If you could deliver a 10 pound baby, you could deliver pretty much anything." But wouldn't that be an odd thing to say since there was a stillborn after the 10 pounder? this makes me think that the baby was not actually a stillborn and actually died (or not) sometime after birth. It wouldn't be out of character for my parents to say it was a stillborn to simplify things so that they wouldn't have to endure questions, advice about lawsuits, anger toward hospital from loved ones.

OP, I have to wonder: do you understand what a stillborn baby is? It is a fetus of at least 20 weeks gestation that has died in utero. That could be a 5 month fetus or a full term fetus weighing 10 pounds. I cannot for the life of me understand what you think is strange about what the doc said about your mother's ability to deliver a breech. It us absolutely true that a woman who has delivered a large baby is a better candidate for breech delivery than, say, a woman who has never given birth. Having has a stillborn baby changes the equation not at all, why should it? Further, vaginal breech deliveries were once quite common, not rare as they are today.

There are many, many reasons why a fetus dies in utero, ranging from terrible chromosomal disorders to cord accidents and abnormalities to placental deficiencies and abruptions. But often there is no identified reason for the death.

Stillbirths are actually not uncommon. I don't know why you would think it is more likely that this child was kidnapped than that he/she simply died.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your sister was buried - if she has a literal grave that you can go to and actually see and touch her tomb stone - why do you think that she is still alive?

This--what makes you think they would have all of this, a funeral, a tomb everything if she had lived? OP, let it go. I'm sorry your sister died and you never knew her.

Exactly! Why the hell would they have a grave for her if she wasn't dead? And, as far as transporting her out of state, she was likely cremated. Even the cremated remains of an adult fit easily into a carry on.

Again, if she did live, I do NOT think my parents know! I do NOT believe they gave her up.

I know my parents quite well. They would not have had her cremated. They would not have transported her themselves (certainly not in a carry on bag!). they would not have held an actual funeral - it would have been a private burial. I never even knew that she had a grave site until a couple of years ago when I came across a picture of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your sister was buried - if she has a literal grave that you can go to and actually see and touch her tomb stone - why do you think that she is still alive?

This--what makes you think they would have all of this, a funeral, a tomb everything if she had lived? OP, let it go. I'm sorry your sister died and you never knew her.

Exactly! Why the hell would they have a grave for her if she wasn't dead? And, as far as transporting her out of state, she was likely cremated. Even the cremated remains of an adult fit easily into a carry on.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, on the never wanting to go to that hospital OP, I am never, never, going back to the hospital where I delivered my dead daughter (I found out she had died at a checkup). Just saying the name makes me anxious, seeing signs for it on the street makes me want to run the other way. It's completely normal that your parents would want to avoid it. What if the medical team there made some mistake that caused the baby to die? What if the staff was awful in horrible circumstances? There are plenty of logical explanations for that.

Agreed, I will never go to the hospital where mine was, either. Went out of my way to have my last at a different one.

Op here. it's not that they won't set foot in the hospital. They have been there many times over the years to visit people, attend events, etc. They just instructed us to never seek treatment there. Even in a life or death situation, we were to drive 40 min to another hospital. So, it wasn't the pain of being there. They just really really did not trust them.

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Anonymous wrote:I am a PP who had a stillborn baby.

My living children (teens) know that I had a baby who died, but I don't talk about it much. I have always answered the few questions they have had over the years about their sister's death.

I am generally open and honest with my children, and I don't keep many secrets from them. So it is hard to imagine them doubting me about what happened to their sister. But honestly, if they ever were to express such doubts as OP has, I would be deeply, deeply offended. And angry.

OP here. i am very sorry for your loss.

I don't think my parents did anything shady. Some PPs suggested that they gave her up. In my follow-up post, I made it clear that I truly believe they think she is dead. The only thing they might have done was say that it was an unexplained stillbirth even if there was more to it than that. They would do so to avoid having to talk about it and answer questions. Otherwise, they would be getting calls from lawyers encouraging them to sue. Since stillbirths were quite common during that time, this was an explanation that everyone would accept without asking questions. I don't blame them at all if this is what they did. I would probably do the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:I am a PP who had a stillborn baby.

My living children (teens) know that I had a baby who died, but I don't talk about it much. I have always answered the few questions they have had over the years about their sister's death.

I am generally open and honest with my children, and I don't keep many secrets from them. So it is hard to imagine them doubting me about what happened to their sister. But honestly, if they ever were to express such doubts as OP has, I would be deeply, deeply offended. And angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, on the never wanting to go to that hospital OP, I am never, never, going back to the hospital where I delivered my dead daughter (I found out she had died at a checkup). Just saying the name makes me anxious, seeing signs for it on the street makes me want to run the other way. It's completely normal that your parents would want to avoid it. What if the medical team there made some mistake that caused the baby to die? What if the staff was awful in horrible circumstances? There are plenty of logical explanations for that.

Agreed, I will never go to the hospital where mine was, either. Went out of my way to have my last at a different one.

Anonymous wrote:Considering your followup post, OP, I think you have to let this go. Your parents have given you an explanation. Further, they believe the baby died. I think it would be cruel to continue to press them for details because you think some dr.'s comment is odd and you're curious.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your sister was buried - if she has a literal grave that you can go to and actually see and touch her tomb stone - why do you think that she is still alive?

This--what makes you think they would have all of this, a funeral, a tomb everything if she had lived? OP, let it go. I'm sorry your sister died and you never knew her.

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your sister was buried - if she has a literal grave that you can go to and actually see and touch her tomb stone - why do you think that she is still alive?