Anonymous
04/16/2015 10:13
Subject: Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:DC will be 17. For years it has been a struggle to get her to study. Now in HS has a C+ average and poor test scores. Yet, she is very articulate and was an early word learner. It just kills me because I come from a family that puts tremendous significance on academics. Dreamed of someday taking her to visit colleges and now the future looks like community college if even that. I fear that DC is going to spend a life in low paying service jobs. Is t hopeless? Do kids often start findfing themselves in their 20s?
Two words - GAP YEAR. She needs to find her calling - and it may not be hard-core academia. Maybe she wants to be a stylist, or a park ranger or something else, but has been focused on the traditional learning that can be stultifying - let her see what's out there for a year, then see if she's still rudderless.
Anonymous
04/16/2015 10:09
Subject: Re:Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:I wanted to drop out of high school, squeaked through and graduated with a C average. I was 17. I had a job washing dishes and moved out and partied a lot. After a couple years I got really sick of working a shit job/terrible shifts/working holidays/etc. I went to CC and a non-selective college, did really well, transferred to a SLAC, graduated with a 3.8, went on to get a Ph.D.
For me, high school was just a terrible environment. I might have done okay at some kind of alternative free-thinking school. But at a traditional school, I just couldn't deal with the petty rules and rote thinking. I'm pretty creative and I learn best from working from the highly theoretical down to the details. In high school we were supposed to memorize sets of information and then scaffold up and place that info within a theoretical framework-it's really hard for me to learn that way. I'm also very stubborn. The minute someone told me I had to go to college, I wasn't going to do it, but as soon as I was out in the world surrounded by people who would never have the chance to go to college, I wanted it and fought for it. The best thing my parents did was not support me financially. They gave a small amount of money directly to tuition, but otherwise I had to make it on my own.
Your daughter will make her own path. If you've put aside any money for college, hold onto it until she has a good plan and has demonstrated an ability to commit and work hard. If she's interested, talk to her about a variety of tracks. If she's working, she will figure out her strengths and weaknesses.
And my mom was totally embarrassed by me. Now she brags and tells everyone I'm a doctor, and I'm the one who is embarrassed.
Anonymous
04/16/2015 10:01
Subject: Re:Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
I wanted to drop out of high school, squeaked through and graduated with a C average. I was 17. I had a job washing dishes and moved out and partied a lot. After a couple years I got really sick of working a shit job/terrible shifts/working holidays/etc. I went to CC and a non-selective college, did really well, transferred to a SLAC, graduated with a 3.8, went on to get a Ph.D.
For me, high school was just a terrible environment. I might have done okay at some kind of alternative free-thinking school. But at a traditional school, I just couldn't deal with the petty rules and rote thinking. I'm pretty creative and I learn best from working from the highly theoretical down to the details. In high school we were supposed to memorize sets of information and then scaffold up and place that info within a theoretical framework-it's really hard for me to learn that way. I'm also very stubborn. The minute someone told me I had to go to college, I wasn't going to do it, but as soon as I was out in the world surrounded by people who would never have the chance to go to college, I wanted it and fought for it. The best thing my parents did was not support me financially. They gave a small amount of money directly to tuition, but otherwise I had to make it on my own.
Your daughter will make her own path. If you've put aside any money for college, hold onto it until she has a good plan and has demonstrated an ability to commit and work hard. If she's interested, talk to her about a variety of tracks. If she's working, she will figure out her strengths and weaknesses.
For me, high school was just a terrible environment. I might have done okay at some kind of alternative free-thinking school. But at a traditional school, I just couldn't deal with the petty rules and rote thinking. I'm pretty creative and I learn best from working from the highly theoretical down to the details. In high school we were supposed to memorize sets of information and then scaffold up and place that info within a theoretical framework-it's really hard for me to learn that way. I'm also very stubborn. The minute someone told me I had to go to college, I wasn't going to do it, but as soon as I was out in the world surrounded by people who would never have the chance to go to college, I wanted it and fought for it. The best thing my parents did was not support me financially. They gave a small amount of money directly to tuition, but otherwise I had to make it on my own.
Your daughter will make her own path. If you've put aside any money for college, hold onto it until she has a good plan and has demonstrated an ability to commit and work hard. If she's interested, talk to her about a variety of tracks. If she's working, she will figure out her strengths and weaknesses.
Anonymous
04/16/2015 09:49
Subject: Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:DC will be 17. For years it has been a struggle to get her to study. Now in HS has a C+ average and poor test scores. Yet, she is very articulate and was an early word learner. It just kills me because I come from a family that puts tremendous significance on academics. Dreamed of someday taking her to visit colleges and now the future looks like community college if even that. I fear that DC is going to spend a life in low paying service jobs. Is t hopeless? Do kids often start findfing themselves in their 20s?
OP - was your child happy at that high school? If not maybe that was issue with her grades? FWIW, the HS I went to was a terrible fit for me, and my marks reflected it. When I went off to college I went from being a B or C student to making straight As. Mostly it was due to being in a better environment.
Anonymous
04/15/2015 18:02
Subject: Re:Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
while he has scraped by with a 3.0
?? this wasn't op's comment. And it appears to be a sad story, but ....
A student only needs a 2.0 to graduate from college. Just sayin~
Anonymous
04/15/2015 18:01
Subject: Re:Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
I think you need to make it very clear to your DC that the lifestyle she is currently being provided is a result of education (If that's the case). If she is okay with a lifestyle which cannot afford her what she is used to, then so be it ( but it might scare the living daylights out of her, their lifestyles are sacred to them). I think the financial payoff of college education or education in general is not mentioned by a lot of parents and it should be pointed out. Good luck, after all is said and done you can do only so much.
Anonymous
04/15/2015 17:52
Subject: Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DH's brother was like this. Was SO THRILLED to be done with high school and had zero interest in college. He worked a handful of low paying jobs, making just enough to make ends meet but nothing beyond that. Now, 10 years later, he's realizing that this isn't the life he wants for himself and he made the choice to go back to school and get a degree in, of all things, math and chemistry. A double major, in possibly two of the hardest fields he could have chosen (and he's doing well, too!)
Hang in there, let her know you love and support her in whatever route she takes towards independence.
10 years later? That's too long to grow up.
Ummm! No. It isn't. It took my brother 10 years too. He graduated #1 in his law school class at 32.
Anonymous
04/15/2015 17:50
Subject: Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:DH's brother was like this. Was SO THRILLED to be done with high school and had zero interest in college. He worked a handful of low paying jobs, making just enough to make ends meet but nothing beyond that. Now, 10 years later, he's realizing that this isn't the life he wants for himself and he made the choice to go back to school and get a degree in, of all things, math and chemistry. A double major, in possibly two of the hardest fields he could have chosen (and he's doing well, too!)
Hang in there, let her know you love and support her in whatever route she takes towards independence.
10 years later? That's too long to grow up.
Anonymous
04/15/2015 17:19
Subject: Feel like a loser because child continues to not want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:I went to community college. I'm a legal secretary and earn about $76k. I'm engaged to a plumber who didn't go to college. He earns six figures.
College is not the end all be all everyone wants it to be.
Both of you did have training beyond high school, though, which is more than OP's daughter is aiming for at the moment. Was your husband a plumber's apprentice or something like that? Perhaps OP could look into some certification or licensing programs in people fields.