Anonymous wrote:I'll give my two cents as a highly educated guy in his 30s who just got divorced from a highly educated woman. I know my shit stinks. That's why I got divorced. But it was hard being married to another professional. I often was a single parent for much of my marriage because she was working. And when we were together, we were always tired. I may well end up in a similar situation again and have dated other busy professionals but I also have dated women who do not fit in that mold. And so far at least, the latter have been a lot more fun. Maybe I interact with them differently, I don't know.

how nice for you, good luck finding a new playmate.

Anonymous wrote:You are missing the nuance here PP. Everyone understands men value physical beauty and attraction. We are discussing whether or not some men also value dominance and seek out hot helpless women.

Two hot twins. One is helpless, the other is dominant. Who do you court?

Helpless = annoying
Dominant = threatening, and possibly also annoying

You are missing the nuance here PP. Everyone understands men value physical beauty and attraction. We are discussing whether or not some men also value dominance and seek out hot helpless women.

Two hot twins. One is helpless, the other is dominant. Who do you court?

This thread is the female analog to the frequent male complaint of "women like Bad Boys and don't like Nice Guys."

This reflects a misunderstanding of what the other sex wants. "Bad Boys" are often roguishly handsome, funny, have an aura of competence and are exciting in bed. Women are attracted to these positive traits, not necessarily the fact that these guys are "bad." A lot of Nice Guys lack these positive traits despite being "nice."

The analog to this is the professionally accomplished thirty-something woman who observes that men keep falling for women who are "beneath them" socially, and career wise. But this reflects a lack of understanding of what men find attractive. Men don't evaluate women the same way women evaluate men. Men don't expect women to have a high social status, career or lots of money. Men are overwhelmingly focused on looks and personality.

A fun, sweet and physically attractive young barista is more attractive to most men than a not-so-attractive, but well-paid, professional who has lots of education, which she likes to show off, and generally has an unpleasantly entitled personality.

Just like the Nice Guys, these women often have a sense of entitlement that they deserve a certain class of men because of their accomplishments and they end up being lonely and resentful because they all end up competing for the same tiny population of unicorns who frequently end up marrying a younger woman anyway.

Nice Guys and Accomplished Woman: You don't get to dictate what the other sex finds attractive.

Part of the deal is that running a family requires complementary skills and dispositions. If you are a professional whose prime contribution to family life is going to be securing the money the family needs, then you'd be making a mistake to seek out someone who brings the same skillset to the family. Shit won't get done and you'll resent each other. It's like bringing two strikers onto a soccer team and making one of them play keeper.

I'll give my two cents as a highly educated guy in his 30s who just got divorced from a highly educated woman. I know my shit stinks. That's why I got divorced. But it was hard being married to another professional. I often was a single parent for much of my marriage because she was working. And when we were together, we were always tired. I may well end up in a similar situation again and have dated other busy professionals but I also have dated women who do not fit in that mold. And so far at least, the latter have been a lot more fun. Maybe I interact with them differently, I don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that some men that I work with or friends with date women who are not their equals. Ex: PhD dates a woman that works as a waitress. Athletic guy dates a girl that doesn't like sports. Etc. Of course none of these men are married so maybe that is why. Your thoughts DCUM?

The examples you give are not examples of someone who is 'helpless' as I understand it. A woman could be a waitress or may not like sports, but that does not make her helpless, but could have a very 'can do' attitude.

Helpless to me is: 'oh, I dont't know how', 'I can't....', 'what should I do...', are things that someone who acts helpless would say / act often and it is irrespective of their education, profession and finances.

And yes, I think some men are attracted to helpless women like that cause they make them feel strong, competent in comparison - Knights in shining armor.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that some men that I work with or friends with date women who are not their equals. Ex: PhD dates a woman that works as a waitress. Athletic guy dates a girl that doesn't like sports. Etc. Of course none of these men are married so maybe that is why. Your thoughts DCUM?

The examples you give are not examples of someone who is 'helpless' as I understand it. A woman could be a waitress or may not like sports, but that does not make her helpless, but could have a very 'can do' attitude.

Helpless to me is: 'oh, I dont't know how', 'I can't....', 'what should I do...', are things that someone who acts helpless would say / act often and it is irrespective of their education, profession and finances.

And yes, I think some men are attracted to helpless women like that cause they make them feel strong, competent in comparison - Knights in shining armor.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is more misogynistic than one woman judging another woman. "just a waitress"' really? MYOB and work on your personality. Mayhap then a man will take an interest in you.

Absolutely. By and large, women are nastier to women than men are. Run your own race. Don't worry about someone else's pace or mileage.

Nothing is more misogynistic than one woman judging another woman. "just a waitress"' really? MYOB and work on your personality. Mayhap then a man will take an interest in you.

The general consensus is that for men, they want a hot women before anything else.

As long as the woman is hot stuff, it doesn't matter to him whether or not she is a pauper.

Think "Pretty Woman" slash Cinderella-type situation.

As for women, they place a high importance on money and power vs. just good looks.

Anonymous wrote:When I was in law school, many of the men in my class were very open about the fact that they were not the least bit interested in dating women who were fellow law students. I was already engaged at the time so it didn't affect me, but I thought it was weird.

They were smart.

I'm married to a lawyer. I can't imagine trying to have a family and give your children the attention they deserve with two lawyers as parents. The hours are brutal and not compatible with a balanced home life.

Not according to the women here. They claim to have married helpless men.

I'm so glad I met my DH in college. Old spinster problems....

I hate the term "helpless". An acquaintance of mine is a nanny. She very recently married an engineer. While many of you may not respect what she does career wise she and her husband have a lot in common. Their faith is important to them, they have the same hobbies? They both want children etc.