Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 11:27     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh honey.

The child is a greater commitment than the marriage! Totally different ballgame...


OP here. So what are your thoughts now that you know we have a child?


NP, but my thoughts are that marriage is completely irrelevant in your situation. You are already bound to your child's father for the rest of your life (assuming he stays involved) and you are already responsible for another human being, which is life-altering. Who cares if you get married or not.

I know this won't go over well with the - I'm a 50-year old grandma and it's awesome - theme of this thread but to me getting married young is a separate issue from having kids young. Lots of people meet the person they want to be with very young. Having kids is a whole other thing. Your life changes forever and there is no going back. You will never ever again be young and carefree with no responsibilities in the world and nothing to do but explore the world, yourself, friendships, relationships, life, etc. And no, I personally don't think living the empty nest lifestyle in your 50s is the same thing in the least. But I am ready for everyone to tell me how wrong I am. Rock on 50-something Grandmas.


Honestly my early 20s was full of partying and wasted time. Time wasted sleeping all weekend and taking shitty trips because I only made 50k/yr.

I think it sounds pretty spectacular to be 45, well off and have the time and money to travel, drink nice wine, and have the luxury of a body that was not ravaged by kids in my middle age.

I have a good friend who had her first her freshman year in college. She went on to quickly have 3 more. Same dad. Still married. She managed to finish college though at George Mason over 6 years as she SAH. She's 44 and her and her husband have done really well. They take amazing trips and looking at her body you would never even think she had a baby. She has her whole life ahead of her. she is always somewhere warm and luxurious. Time and money are way better at 45 than 25.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 11:05     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh honey.

The child is a greater commitment than the marriage! Totally different ballgame...


OP here. So what are your thoughts now that you know we have a child?


NP, but my thoughts are that marriage is completely irrelevant in your situation. You are already bound to your child's father for the rest of your life (assuming he stays involved) and you are already responsible for another human being, which is life-altering. Who cares if you get married or not.

I know this won't go over well with the - I'm a 50-year old grandma and it's awesome - theme of this thread but to me getting married young is a separate issue from having kids young. Lots of people meet the person they want to be with very young. Having kids is a whole other thing. Your life changes forever and there is no going back. You will never ever again be young and carefree with no responsibilities in the world and nothing to do but explore the world, yourself, friendships, relationships, life, etc. And no, I personally don't think living the empty nest lifestyle in your 50s is the same thing in the least. But I am ready for everyone to tell me how wrong I am. Rock on 50-something Grandmas.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 11:01     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 21, nearly 22

How old was your spouse? 23

How old are you now? 41

Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes

Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes

Do you regret marrying at that age? No

What did your family think about it? Well, my mother was married at 19 (!!) so I think people were just glad I didn't drop out of college to get married like she did. My grandparents were a little worried that I would forgo my plans for graduate school, but they came around once they knew I was still going.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 10:56     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:Oh honey.

The child is a greater commitment than the marriage! Totally different ballgame...


OP here. So what are your thoughts now that you know we have a child?
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 09:46     Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.


A number of reasons:

-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.

In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.

I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.


+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.


+2 and will love to have grandkids in my late 50s if it turns out that way.

I cannot even fathom what it would be like right now to have small children or even toddlers and then sending my kids to college when I'm rounding 60.


PP--My own parents married at 22 or so. They made it to 50 yrs the yr my dad died.

I was born when my parents were 45/42. My sister was 16yrs older than me and I really did not want to be an older parent. My parents started having health issues the yr I finished HS. They were early 60's at my graduation. I did not remember my own grandparents and I wanted my own kids to know my mom and dad.

There is no way I would want an infant at this age. I admire the women that do it though.


I think having a "young" mom myself influenced me. My mom is 59 and I'm 37 with a 12 & 10yr old. Luckily my parents are active and healthy and semi retired at this point. They are also local and have been an enormous part of my kids lives. Grandparents can be such a positive force in kids lives And my parents are no exception. You are smart to recognize that grandparents play an important role.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 09:41     Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.


A number of reasons:

-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.

In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.

I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.


+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.


+2 and will love to have grandkids in my late 50s if it turns out that way.

I cannot even fathom what it would be like right now to have small children or even toddlers and then sending my kids to college when I'm rounding 60.


It would be a different experience than the one you have had with different pros and cons. I'm a young parent but nothing bugs me more than smug responses where people put down choices other than their own. To me, it smacks of insecurity.


You have a creative imagination.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 09:34     Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the purpose of marrying so young? I'm not a fan of monogamy and I waited until my early 30s to get married. No way could I have married the guy I was dating at 23. Most people mature a lot in their tastes and preferences in their 20s.


A number of reasons:

-Why wait? I found the person I wanted to be with. The pool only gets worse and worse as time goes on
-We did not want to be having babies in our 30s, for financial reasons and for the sake of vanity. Babies hardly phased my body.

In hindsight, we never felt that we needed to keep up with the Joneses. We were 25 and had our first kid. We bought a small shit shack in Arlington (before prices were crazy) and we did not even notice that it was small and out of date, we were so happy to have a home together.

I SAH until I was the old age of 30 when I returned to work. My career never took a hit. Plus we hit the jackpot when it comes to real estate by being so serious when we were young. We are now 45 & 46, one in college, one graduating HS this June. We have friends our age with toddlers and struggling with the cost of housing and living here. We're established in our careers, have a house paid off, and our boys got scolarships which has been an enormous windfall. I feel like we have a whole life in front of us, I'd do it this way a million times over. I have ZERO and I mean ZERO desire to be running after toddlers at my age. The only thing I'm running in are in triathlons.


+1. I totally agree. I love having grown kids in my mid 40's. Would not have it any other way.


+2. For those of you who are chasing little ones in your 40s, more power to you! I would not want to do it. Our oldest just gave us our first grandchild. We have three in college. One high schooler left at home who has one foot out the door. We are 47 and almost empty nesters.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 09:33     Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married?
-25

How old was your spouse?
-25

How old are you now?
-36, two kids

Are you still married? If not, how long were you married?
-Yes, almost 12 years

Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age?
-Yes, definitely. Not sure if everyone would be but knew that DH and I were both grounded, had common values, wanted the same things in life.

Do you regret marrying at that age?
-Not at all. In fact, the older I get and the more I see my friends get married later, the more I think getting married earlier is better. You grow together, learn together, start careers together. Better than having things already established and then having to work someone else into your established life/career.

What did your family think about it?
-All supportive. We're from the South, so it was pretty normal to get married at that age.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 09:27     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Oh honey.

The child is a greater commitment than the marriage! Totally different ballgame...
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 07:53     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Anonymous wrote:To OP:

While I appreciate your questions...I just was wondering...

Are you writing a paper on relationships and marriage??


Hi, OP here. No, this is my first post on here. I'm not the one who posted before. And I'm also not doing a research paper! I am 23, boyfriend is 25 and we have a 3 year old child. We are thinking about making the next step toward marriage and I was curious as to how many others got married at our age Thanks for the responses, all.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2015 00:06     Subject: Re:Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
How old were you when you got married? 22

How old was your spouse? 21

How old are you now? 47

Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? NO, not to husband I married at 22. Married for 6 years.

Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes, I was mature enough. Had I experienced life enough, NO!

Do you regret marrying at that age? Yes. I was not ready. Basically the guy need to have legal status here so there was pressure from him. I thought we could make it even though I knew we didn't know each other long enough. He was first serious boyfriend and I was tired of living under my parents roof and their rules. DUMB all around!

What did your family think about it? My family was ok with it, he was from the same country as my family; which was always the influence from my parents to marry someone from our country.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2015 23:43     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
You have posted a few posts similar so I was just wondering.

No offense taken please.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2015 23:43     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
To OP:

While I appreciate your questions...I just was wondering...

Are you writing a paper on relationships and marriage??
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2015 23:43     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?

How old were you when you got married? 22
How old was your spouse? A month shy of 25
How old are you now? 36
Are you still married? If not, how long were you married? Yes
Do you feel you were mature enough for marriage at that age? Yes
Do you regret marrying at that age? No
What did your family think about it? Fine with it.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2015 23:14     Subject: Anyone get married at 23? Or around that age?
Married at 23. Now 37 still happily married. Agree with poster who said we created our baggage together lol instead of bring baggage to the marriage. Family was very supportive. Also from the South!