Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is this, 1925? Both a man and woman should pay equally (we did).

OP here. This is interesting. If you are the woman, you knew when he was proposing? (Alternatively, if you are the man, your now wife knew you were proposing?) I'm just curious as to how that works. You split the ring half and half, but how/when is it given?

You have a child together. Surely the topic of marriage isn't something you are dancing around is it? You must have discussed your living arrangements and martial expectations at some point before and after the child was born. So it seems odd now to be meekly waiting for the man to propose. You decide that you are going to get married, if you decide you want a ring you shop together for it, and presumably you must have some shared financial arrangements to at least cover child care so you discuss how you will pay for it.

I get the feeling you are watching too many RomComs.

Don't listen to this debbie downer. You are not entitled to less romance because you have a kid together. This poster is not the Pope. I don;t know why the poster thinks you are waiting around meekly for a ring. I would not split the ring half and half. If all he can afford is 1000 ring then go with that. We generally knew what our plan was and I knew around the time he would propose. He purchased the ring and he proposed. If the ring doesn't fit or isn't your stlye, you could always return it or exchange it. You do not need to shop for the ring together just because you have a child together. If he wants to know what kind of ring you want, you could let him know. If he wants to shop for it solo, he can do that. If he wants to go shopping togther, than you could do that too. It's your choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is this, 1925? Both a man and woman should pay equally (we did).

OP here. This is interesting. If you are the woman, you knew when he was proposing? (Alternatively, if you are the man, your now wife knew you were proposing?) I'm just curious as to how that works. You split the ring half and half, but how/when is it given?

You have a child together. Surely the topic of marriage isn't something you are dancing around is it? You must have discussed your living arrangements and martial expectations at some point before and after the child was born. So it seems odd now to be meekly waiting for the man to propose. You decide that you are going to get married, if you decide you want a ring you shop together for it, and presumably you must have some shared financial arrangements to at least cover child care so you discuss how you will pay for it.

I get the feeling you are watching too many RomComs.

I think I'm watching too many RomComs too, PP We are young (I'm 23, he's 25), so I think we both have an unrealistic view of how this all will pan out. I think we are dreaming/fantasizing a bit!

I would focus on a nice wedding band instead. The engagement ring is just a symbol of the commitment to get married. I would think the child you have together would serve as a reasonable alternative to a piece of jewelry.

Anonymous wrote:20k is nothing to spend on your life partner who would be there until death do you part.

One thing doesn't have anything to do with the other. 20K! Lol!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is this, 1925? Both a man and woman should pay equally (we did).

You bought half of your own ring? Gross.

Do you not do joint finances? By the time it came time for engagement ring shopping, we definitely saw our finances as tied together.

No way would I pay for half my ring and I make way more than my fiance. I would be fine with a smaller ring and definetly wouldn't want him financing a ring because our finacnes would be joint. But, sorry, there is something still to be said for the man paying for the ring entirely.

20k is nothing to spend on your life partner who would be there until death do you part.

Anonymous wrote:If my BF spent 3 months of salary on a ring I would not marry him cause that would mean he is a moron. Take that money and go on a nice memorable trip. A ring is just a ring... I like the birth stone & etsy ideas from PPs.

I agree. It s just plain stupid. And $20K! Lol!

Do NOT finance an engagement ring. If you need to finance it you cannot afford it. Same for a wedding. My DH spent 14k on mine, paid cash. We make about 250k and no debt other than mortgage. We also eloped because we would rather spend 15k on a three week trip in europe than a wedding. You don't need to follow a "two months salary" --you need to follow good common sense and good finances. And buy from Blue Nile. Holy cow, do not waste money on tiffany or any brick and mortar. My 14k ring apprasied for 22k. 1.5 carats and very very high quality. Blue nile all the way!

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have started thinking about a budget for an engagement ring, for when (or if lol) he decides to make the purchase. We are middle class, with a combined income of around $110k. We live together and have one child, spending an average amount of money (i guess?) on bills. How much did you spend on the ring for your financee/wife? Did you go by the 3 months income "rule"? We are curious as to what others budgeted. Thanks!

Buy what you would not resent later based on your financial priorities. There are no rules.

I think my engagement ring was about 3K. To me personally, it seems that 3 months of income rule is crazy.

Most young couples never use the three month rule (which was created by jewelers as a marketing campaign, by the way). I think that he should spend $3500 on the ring.

How much is in the kid's 529?

And what would $X in the 529 be worth in 18 years if you didn't spend it on an asinine piece of jewelry?

You can google to get the answer. There is a suggested formula.

Dh spent around 10k on mine. We were earning 200k at the time, and he had just gotten a bonus from his law firm. He paid cash, we had no debt, and we're saving a good chunk for a house/retirement already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is this, 1925? Both a man and woman should pay equally (we did).

You bought half of your own ring? Gross.

Do you not do joint finances? By the time it came time for engagement ring shopping, we definitely saw our finances as tied together.

Mine was about $2k. We earn about $150k together, and I have loads of student debt and am not a jewelry person. We were in our mid-30s when we got engaged.

What should you do here? Really depends on your values. At this age, with a kid, it's hard to see how you should be spending loads of cash on a ring. But, you know, same could be said for expensive cars, nice furniture, all those things.

Anonymous wrote:What is this, 1925? Both a man and woman should pay equally (we did).

You bought half of your own ring? Gross.