No. He's rich and retired early. I am a SAHM. We have a great life with our elementary school aged kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

So, the man was the plan and you chose wrong?

Yeah, I guess the man was plan A...now I need a plan B. I'm not averse to earning my own money, it'll just be hard once the kids come around. I really wanted to give them a 100% of my focus.

I think you should think long and hard now about whether you can be at peace with your husband's income, or whether you need to leave the marriage.

If you are constantly resentful over not being a SAHM, it will poison your marriage. Better to get out and move on before there are children involved.

I wonder what men would say if we asked a flip side question...like do you ever wish your wife was fitter, sexier, sweeter, etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

That's because you're husband is probably loaded.

Not hardly. I love him rich or poor. He is my rock.

I guarantee if he were truly broke you would quickly grow tired of him. There is nothing fun about struggling. A large portion of marriages end due to finances so I'd say a lot of women actually feel the same as the Op.

We came up poor together. We've been married longer than most of you here have been alive. Yesterday he almost lost his job. I was ready to sell the house. I'm in this life with him forever.

Really?! I really hope that at your age I'll be over DCUM. This is really troubling.....

Not PP but why is his troubling? DCUM has lots of helpful/interesting info- it's not all baby names and private school welcome videos.

I don't see what's so crazy or disrespectful about this post. The only place the OP went wrong was in not securing a higher earner from the start- if money is that important to you you need to respect that and screen for it in the dating stage instead of hoping vaguely that everything just works out.

I am a DW who is very very successful, much more successful than DH. But sometimes I wish the roles were reversed. I'm not sure why. But honestly, it is there in my brain daily even though I enjoy my success. I wish I were less shallow and more enlightened and more progressive like all the other DCUM posters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

A lot of these women are NEVER happy. Unless they were married to someone who looks like a male model, multiple Ivy degrees, friends call him "Trip", over 6 feet tall, large penis, and earns at least mid six figures. And they would complain the guy is never home.

+1

I wish we somehow made a little more. Him or me.

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

A lot of these women are NEVER happy. Unless they were married to someone who looks like a male model, multiple Ivy degrees, friends call him "Trip", over 6 feet tall, large penis, and earns at least mid six figures. And they would complain the guy is never home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

That's because you're husband is probably loaded.

Not hardly. I love him rich or poor. He is my rock.

I guarantee if he were truly broke you would quickly grow tired of him. There is nothing fun about struggling. A large portion of marriages end due to finances so I'd say a lot of women actually feel the same as the Op.

We came up poor together. We've been married longer than most of you here have been alive. Yesterday he almost lost his job. I was ready to sell the house. I'm in this life with him forever.

Really?! I really hope that at your age I'll be over DCUM. This is really troubling.....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

That's because you're husband is probably loaded.

Not hardly. I love him rich or poor. He is my rock.

I guarantee if he were truly broke you would quickly grow tired of him. There is nothing fun about struggling. A large portion of marriages end due to finances so I'd say a lot of women actually feel the same as the Op.

As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

Um, there's a world of difference between wanting a husband to have a solid financial foundation and "soften the blow" and wanting a husband who makes enough to fund a lifestyle that includes private school and an open-ended stint as a SAHM.

It sounds like OP's husband works and makes a reasonable amount of money. It doesn't sound like it's all on OP to be the breadwinner. It sounds like OP is lamenting her husband not making more money so that she can live an upper class life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

That's because you're husband is probably loaded.

Not hardly. I love him rich or poor. He is my rock.

I guarantee if he were truly broke you would quickly grow tired of him. There is nothing fun about struggling. A large portion of marriages end due to finances so I'd say a lot of women actually feel the same as the Op.

We came up poor together. We've been married longer than most of you here have been alive. Yesterday he almost lost his job. I was ready to sell the house. I'm in this life with him forever.

17:00 here. and when I say "contribute equally," I don't even mean with an equal salary. I just mean someone who would contribute the same amount of effort/work, even if that meant he made less, so long as he was still working full time or contributing in some way so that neither of us felt like the other was a dependent. (of course, in old age, things change, and there are also unforeseen possibilities -- accident/disability, but aside from those things.)

I never saw a husband as a meal ticket. I always saw marriage as a partnership of equals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

That's because you're husband is probably loaded.

Not hardly. I love him rich or poor. He is my rock.

I guarantee if he were truly broke you would quickly grow tired of him. There is nothing fun about struggling. A large portion of marriages end due to finances so I'd say a lot of women actually feel the same as the Op.

As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

No, I specifically looked for a man who shared my values. I had no interest in a man whose priority life was making a lot of money. DH works for a non-profit and I respect what he does and his commitment to making the world better. We make enough with both our salaries and will retire just fine even if we don't live a lavish lifestyle.