Anonymous wrote:

I was given a ceramic cross from my fathers great aunt wrapped in a plastic target bag. My husband and I are not Christian. We were also given 2 waffle makers, despite the fact that neither of us eat flour. These were not thoughtful gifts with us in mind. It wasn't a fundraising event, but I think gifts should be for the people you give them to, and welcome any information that helps me give them what they want. You all can stand on your soap boxes, but there really is no rhyme or reason to this antiquated rule. You want to give a gift they like right? They told you want they'd like. Where is the harm?

We received a Christian marriage manual from my husband's uncle and aunt. We're also not Christian. Maybe we should have put "No Religious Marriage Manuals" on our invitations.

That's such a dick move. I would give them a box inside a box inside a box, etc. With a two-dollar bill inside the smallest box.

I am Dennis Leary. I am an asshole.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

I don't think that the acceptability of registering for waffle makers makes mainstream US culture look so great either. (For what it's worth, we weren't going to register, but we did in response to several people who were offended by our non-registering.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is a registry okay? Isn't is basically saying, "we'd like these items as gifts, if you are so inclined?" Why is it not okay to say, "we'd prefer cash as a gift, if you are so inclined?" If people don't want to give a gift, that's fine, and I might appreciate that more than the 3 waffle makers and crystal vases, and other nonsense that I don't need.

Doesn't a registry solve that problem?

It would if people bothered to follow the registry. We got several gifts that weren't on the registry. I wouldn't be surprised if a couple had been re-gifted to us.

Anonymous wrote:Why is a registry okay? Isn't is basically saying, "we'd like these items as gifts, if you are so inclined?" Why is it not okay to say, "we'd prefer cash as a gift, if you are so inclined?" If people don't want to give a gift, that's fine, and I might appreciate that more than the 3 waffle makers and crystal vases, and other nonsense that I don't need.

Doesn't a registry solve that problem?

Anonymous wrote:I guess we will next see invitations asking for contributions towards the honeymoon.

Gasp, the horror!! That someone would make clear what they would appreciate as a gift. Next they'll be setting up huge wish lists for you to puck off of. Oh wait...

Why is a registry okay? Isn't is basically saying, "we'd like these items as gifts, if you are so inclined?" Why is it not okay to say, "we'd prefer cash as a gift, if you are so inclined?" If people don't want to give a gift, that's fine, and I might appreciate that more than the 3 waffle makers and crystal vases, and other nonsense that I don't need.

One could give a gift and take it out of the box which would comply with the request?

I guess we will next see invitations asking for contributions towards the honeymoon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

It IS COMMON to give cash. The part that people (including me) are "hung up" on is the fact that the couple is ASKING/DEMANDING cash. THAT is rude beyond belief

I have never been to a wedding where cash was given as a gift. I am used to a wedding registry which I think is eminently sensible since the couple gets to select what they would like as a gift if someone wants to give one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to fly home? Bringing fragile gifts back presents a challenge.

Then perhaps they would have specified "No fragile gifts."

Actually etiquette dictates that you aren't supposed to bring gifts to the wedding at all, precisely because of the hardship it creates on the hosts to transport them home. You should send them in advance if at all possible.

etiquette and common sense. dh and i had a destination wedding. dh and i had to fly there, mil drove there in 6 hours. one of her neighbors was kind of enough to buy us a present. she DROVE the present down in her trunk and handed it to us the day after the wedding. it was a box half the size of her car truck. absurd that she didn't have the logic to either mail it to us or leave it at her house.

Anonymous wrote:Are they Asian? I'm married to an Asian and giving money at weddings is considered normal (gifts for a wedding are sort of odd in some Asian cultures!).

If you like them, go and give money. If you don't like them, decline the invitation.

But be aware that "tackiness" is culture-specific

In America, it's tacky. We're not in Asia.

Anonymous wrote:Give cash/check. Is the couple Indian? I have only seen this phrasing on invitations to indian weddings.

Yes, it was previously stated they are South Asian.

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

It IS COMMON to give cash. The part that people (including me) are "hung up" on is the fact that the couple is ASKING/DEMANDING cash. THAT is rude beyond belief

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Maybe you should not invite the "dinosaurs" to your fundraising events in the future.

I was given a ceramic cross from my fathers great aunt wrapped in a plastic target bag. My husband and I are not Christian. We were also given 2 waffle makers, despite the fact that neither of us eat flour. These were not thoughtful gifts with us in mind. It wasn't a fundraising event, but I think gifts should be for the people you give them to, and welcome any information that helps me give them what they want. You all can stand on your soap boxes, but there really is no rhyme or reason to this antiquated rule. You want to give a gift they like right? They told you want they'd like. Where is the harm?