Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 21:27     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
I'm sorry OP. You (and your DH) really need to see a therapist or counselor who can help you deal with your life and the kids. It sounds like the kids are out of control and you are depressed.

Not everyone was cut out to be parent, my Mom wasn't, but you can get help now, unlike in the old days.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 21:23     Subject: Re:I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like where I was with my first at 3 y.o. I had a horrible job, DH had a horrible job, I was being criticized left and right because I was a bad mom (not home enough, not changing enough diapers, not potty training in time, lousy housekeeper, etc.). If you are letting external expectations control your feelings, stop. Find new definitions for "shitty". Shitty is when someone dies. Good is when you get through the day and no one has been injured. Seriously, with little kids, there will be tantrums and crying, no doubt. You could let that move your or not.

I can tell you from years of therapy, you can control how you react (if you are not depressed, which I am pretty sure I was when No. 1 was 3).

Here is an example: The other day, older kids slipped on the ice and banged her hip. DH had had both kids in the car in the driveway on the way to errands and he sent No. 1 back in to get something, and she banged her hip pretty badly as she fell. He got out of the car, picked up the kid and brought her in to me wailing. As I tried to tend to her, next thing I know, he's back in with our 3 y.o. wailing, either because she was worried about No. 1 or she was left alone in the car for a minute or she figured out I was in the house without her. Whatever. Dh dropped the kids and went to do the quick thing he had to do. He could not stay, and I agreed. I could not soothe either, or the other would wail harder. I finally realized neither was going to die, and I just stood there laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. I actually grabbed my phone to film the scene to show DH what he had left me with. then they stopped crying. Until I put the phone back down, and they started wailing again. I couldn't win, but the time was finite.

Years ago, I would have been crying myself, thinking I had to resolve the situation and not being able to. Now, I just recognize I can't do it all, and muddling through is good enough.

As for the age, it depends on your 3 y.o, but I do think it is one of the cutest ages, albeit prone to emotional outbursts. When I was struggling when No. 1 was three, I tried to keep a log of 3 good things that happened each day. trying to get the positive mindset back. Try hugging everyone in your family just for the heck of it at least once a day. Hold on, even if the only one who will hug back is your husband. It will help you feel more connected.


Good luck!

It doesn't have to do with your 3 year old. It has to do with how you deal with them.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 21:20     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
You need medication.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 21:19     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!


Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.
It's probably because you didn't nip stuff at 2, to have a wonderful 3 year old. 3's are a ton of fun.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 21:04     Subject: Re:I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
OP here. Yesterday was an ok day. Today was another shit day. I seriously think I am trapped in hell sometimes of whining screaming children. Woke up to kids jumping on me, kicking my face, stepping on my stomach. Fun. DH took kids downstairs to feed them breakfast. I stare at several loads of laundry. I am pretty sure I just did 2 loads on Friday. Walk downstairs and fight with 1 kid because he didn't want to eat his breakfast. Other kid keeps dropping food from his fork. Then he knocks down his drink. Kids start playing, screaming and hitting one another. DH turns the tv on for like 2 hours. Met up with a friend for lunch. Kids are running around the restaurant, spilling drinks, crawling under the table. We run to get some coffee and kids are running around and screaming. They are the exact kids that used to annoy me so much before I had kids. I escaped to go grocery shopping and run to Costco. Lines are insanely long and kids are whining and screaming bloody murder that they are starving when I get home. Throughout the day, I am scolding them and trying to get them to listen.

I really can't stand this life. Maybe I was not meant to be a mom. Some moms may have infinite patience. I seriously am irritated all day long. The kids do not bring me much joy. They fight all freakin day long, make messes all day along and annoy the hell out of me.

I thought perhaps I was exaggerating about the 360 bad days out of year. Unfortunately, I really do have 360 bad days.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 19:28     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shut your pie hole, 17:35.


She's right!


Big difference between having one child or more than one.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 15:30     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
It get immeasurably better in a few years. Around age 8, they actually become a joy to be around. You have a few good years in there before they get all hormonal on you.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 15:28     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Have you considered focusing on what you are thankful for? Also have you considered therapy? I have had moments in my life that felt like this. Therapy and gratitude helped.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 13:35     Subject: Re:I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Op - i feel you too. I have a 3.5 and 5 y/o (both boys). Both of us work FT. It's hard to come home at night to madness, many nights. W/e are tough also, especially this winter..... AHhhhhh.... I am hoping it let's up soon.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2015 13:16     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!


Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

Disagree. The threes are awesome. From 15 to 27 months aprox a challenge!
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2015 18:17     Subject: Re:I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I got a good night sleep last night and DH gave me the morning off. I feel like a new woman.

I don't think I am depressed. Everyday has unpleasantness but the entire day is not bad. I guess it is unfair to say everyday is a shit day.


AWESOME! I was one of the PPs to suggest you might have PPD? Anyway, my husband and I regularly trade off weeknights and weekend days. He takes both kids all the way into bedtime one weekday a week while I galavant, and I do the same for him. I usually take Wednesdays off, and he usually takes Thursdays. On the weekends, we might split a day, or take a whole Sat or Sun alone. This is a VERY POSITIVE approach for us! We married late and we still want our time for solo interests we don't share (me, I usually go on walks or go out with my girlfriends to local pub, sometimes both--he usually walks to a movie or hangs out and plays video games at home in the basement, out of the way of the kids ). Knowing at least one day/night "off" a week is imminent brightens EVERYTHING.

And I love my kids, BTW. Sometimes on my day "off" I hang around a little bit too long... just without any childcare responsibilities. Heh.



Sounds like a story I read awhile ago...woman wrote that she and her DH were jealous of divorced parents who shared custody. They wanted to have a weekend off too! So they decided to "share custody" while being married. So one weekend is the Mom's the next is the Dad's. The "non-custodial" parent can do whatever they want. While the "custodial" parent takes the whole weekend from wake-up to bedtime--all the sport games, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part for her was letting go of control on her weekends off. She had to learn that the kids wouldn't die if they didn't take a bath or just had pizza (no veggies) for dinner. When the kids would approach the 'non-custodial' parent for something, they would redirect them to the 'custodial' parent. Worked out great for them.


Yup, I guess that's us. We do things together, of course, but we also do a ton apart. It just helps ease what would otherwise be constant focus on either work or child care without getting time for your OWN STUFF. My husband and I have date nights, too... but more often we do things alone. Ha!
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2015 18:14     Subject: Re:I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I got a good night sleep last night and DH gave me the morning off. I feel like a new woman.

I don't think I am depressed. Everyday has unpleasantness but the entire day is not bad. I guess it is unfair to say everyday is a shit day.


AWESOME! I was one of the PPs to suggest you might have PPD? Anyway, my husband and I regularly trade off weeknights and weekend days. He takes both kids all the way into bedtime one weekday a week while I galavant, and I do the same for him. I usually take Wednesdays off, and he usually takes Thursdays. On the weekends, we might split a day, or take a whole Sat or Sun alone. This is a VERY POSITIVE approach for us! We married late and we still want our time for solo interests we don't share (me, I usually go on walks or go out with my girlfriends to local pub, sometimes both--he usually walks to a movie or hangs out and plays video games at home in the basement, out of the way of the kids ). Knowing at least one day/night "off" a week is imminent brightens EVERYTHING.

And I love my kids, BTW. Sometimes on my day "off" I hang around a little bit too long... just without any childcare responsibilities. Heh.



Sounds like a story I read awhile ago...woman wrote that she and her DH were jealous of divorced parents who shared custody. They wanted to have a weekend off too! So they decided to "share custody" while being married. So one weekend is the Mom's the next is the Dad's. The "non-custodial" parent can do whatever they want. While the "custodial" parent takes the whole weekend from wake-up to bedtime--all the sport games, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part for her was letting go of control on her weekends off. She had to learn that the kids wouldn't die if they didn't take a bath or just had pizza (no veggies) for dinner. When the kids would approach the 'non-custodial' parent for something, they would redirect them to the 'custodial' parent. Worked out great for them.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2015 18:13     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Mine are 5, 3, and 1 and I am with you 100% OP. Between th and DH and my jobs there's hardly a good day ever. Every day is shitty for some reason. It sucks. I also want to just disappear some days and hit the pause button on life and escape somewhere alone for a week or two.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2015 17:01     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
Glad you're feeling better OP. Finding the small ways (or not so small - like sleep!) to regain/retain your sanity are so critical.

I have 3 year old twins. We had a morning today that was actually delightful - for almost four hours straight. Then we had a half hour stretch that was a living hell of tantrums, me thinking I might snap and hit someone, etc...

The pps who said to lower your expectations and really try to focus on the bright moments (because it's all too easy to let the tantrums and related anger/stress dominate our perspective) are so right.

Hang in there!!
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2015 15:33     Subject: I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids
OP, have you thought about talking to a counselor? Every body has bad days, lots of them. But 360 bad days are too many. Sometimes just talking about it helps.