Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 12:23     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Anonymous wrote:What everyone else said. Get out of there. Yesterday. Your brother and dad are idiots and could be arrested/could lose the house, obviously bro is dealing and might not be 'just' pot, could be selling narcotics, could be selling coke, meth, whatever. "Steady stream" of people, duh. Dad is allowing it or incredibly stupid and clueless. Get out.


Not to be mean but it sounds like your little brother has established him self as the alpha male of the house so 99% of the time in human nature it will be him who wins this conflict. Your only options are to take that title with force, submit to it or move away and surround your self with different people who you can define new roles assuming they accept.

Everything else is over thinking things as once you have been defined as the mark/punk of any group you will never get what you want over the Alpha. Sorry

Anonymous
Post 03/03/2015 18:38     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
What everyone else said. Get out of there. Yesterday. Your brother and dad are idiots and could be arrested/could lose the house, obviously bro is dealing and might not be 'just' pot, could be selling narcotics, could be selling coke, meth, whatever. "Steady stream" of people, duh. Dad is allowing it or incredibly stupid and clueless. Get out.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2015 11:38     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
OP, what happened? Did you get out of there, at least on the weekends?
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2015 09:49     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Well, it sounds like your brother needs more help vs you. You are still getting help from your father with a place to stay. So worry about your studying. You can call the police next time it gets physical, but if you were also fighting they may arrest both of you. In addition, if there is weed in the house and the police find it, your dad could lose the house.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2015 09:24     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Agree, go study at the library, do not court trouble with your clearly disturbed brother. Sad that your dad is allowing this. But your Dad's house so, his rules.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 22:24     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
OP, are you okay? Any updates?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 22:22     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Where does mom live and why didn't you move to her house?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 22:12     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Sometimes a dream deferred is reality, OP. If you need to study full-time, will you also run into this issue in law school? Or do you plan to work while attending? If the former, maybe you need to work and do a part-time program or work and save until you have enough to carry you for 2-3 years. Yes, it will take longer but you are a 25 year old woman...not as young as you describe yourself. I could not afford undergrad without working - tuition was on scholarship but housing wasn't. My parents were not cosigning loans. So it took me an extra year, but I am 5 years older than you with a house, husband, children (yes, plural) and a six figure income, great benefits and a 401k. It can be done and done well. Let go of any sense of entitlement you have, any self-pity, any family or friends who have the potential to drag you down. Life is not fair - it's hard and it's fast. Get thee to a safe home, a therapist/shaman/life coach and a temp agency now.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 18:28     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
don't fight this battle OP, move out..seriously
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 13:05     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That was my first question - what's in that room?

OP you need to get the hell out. Your brother does drugs, sells drugs, collects guns, and who the hell knows what else...that's not normal. Throwing your sister down the steps is not normal. None of this is ok or normal. Get out. Even if you need to stay at a women's shelter - you are a victim of domestic violence. Don't stay...your brother sounds really dangerous.
On top of this, OP, you seem to want to create more drama by engaging your brother over what is fair, when it's quite obvious you would be better off (and get more studying done) by letting it go. Once you get to a stable place in your life, you need to look at why it's so important to you to create drama over this situation.


Yeah, op, good point. Everyone else can see - bad situation. Get out. Or if you can't afford to get out, at least stay away from the basement. Instead you seem intent on involving yourself in your brothers drama.


I had this same thought. It's counterintuitive.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 12:53     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your brother is a troubled person. You're not going to change him so why invite more drama into your life by taking this on? It's just going to distract you from studying. Just get back to studying and move on with your life so you can get your own place.

Good luck!


+1 you're not dealing with a rational, reasonable person; it's just not worth the battle. You really can't expect him to change or see your point of view.
Let it go and work on getting out of there.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 12:24     Subject: Brother refuses to allow use of his room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why did your dad not do anything about your brother getting physical with you?
I don't care what special needs your brother has, that is bullshit and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with things like that.


Well, my father was physically violent with all of us and with my mother growing up. After she divorced him, I stupidly thought, given how he begged and pleaded for me to come stay with him, that he had changed. That was a mistake- he's largely the same as he was growing up, though he doesn't dare get violent with me now.

I suppose I thought I could handle things now, but I realize now I'm in over my head. I Have bad credit, which is why it was hard to find somewhere else to move. And he can be nice really frequently (I know, typical of abusive people, which makes moving into a group home seem like the less appealing option.

My father told me it was partially my fault for my brother getting physical with me. What prompted it was me going Into his room, so I guess it's Obvious he has had serious space issues for a while.

I guess I don't call the police on my brother, though I have threatened to many times, is because I feel sorry for him. I was always his protector/defender growing up, and I feel like shit really hit the fan for him when I went away to college and was no longer there for him. Writing that out it does seem silly, but it's sad because I will always see the little three year old brother I loved so much, and it's hard to totally cut him off even though I guess that's what I should do.

My father totally fans the flames and I think he tries to breed Ill will and conflict between us. Which is why I'm trying to leave.

Forgot to mention, I have set up a move to California. Moving in early April, have it set up with a friend. So there is an end in sight, it's just dealing with things until April comes.


Get out and don't look back. If your brother beats the c*** out of your father, so be it. That's what daddy taught him by way of his own behaviour.

Don't support your father, now or ever. A violent parent doesn't deserve that.

Don't get mixed in in your brother's drug-and-gun problems. That can f up your life faster than you can imagine. Or maybe you can.

Let me repeat that: get out and do not look back. Ever.