Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 21:35     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A spin off from another thread, where they said," most men get divorced and upgrade to a younger, hotter woman. Most divorced women end up alone." Any anecdotes to buck that belief?


Um, my mom.

She remarried at 55 to a wonderful man who is way better than my father.

Please don't use this board as a baseline as to how real relationships work.


+1

My mother also remarried at around age 55. My step father is nicer, more caring, more professionally successful, has better social skills and is a more caring and supportive husband than my father.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 21:09     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who sort of upgraded. But she was a widow, and it took years after her husband passed away. I think the dynamic has lots to do with age. A 50-year-old woman, even if she is pretty, in great shape, and makes good money, is still... well, a mature woman.
A handsome and successful 50-year-old guy can be a catch for a wide range of women.
It is just not the same at, say, 30. Thirty-year-olds are still young and full of potential. I think for us ladies the real decline in prospects kicks in after mid-forties. Not so much for guys. This sucks, but what can you do?


I think this is kind of a fantasy, because there really are not a lot of handsome and successful available 50 year olds. The available 50 year olds are fat, bald, and there are reasons why they are still looking at their age. But yes, the fantasy of a George Clooney type looms large for men (who think they are one) and women (who want one).

In reality, like someone said, the person with looks/personality can "upgrade."


I resent this. Posted on another thread, my dad is 58 and in better shape than most guys in their thirties. Doesn't have as much hair as he used to, but he's funny and can talk about anything. He has his own business and doesn't really meet women but someone will someday be glad he came along.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 20:57     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who sort of upgraded. But she was a widow, and it took years after her husband passed away. I think the dynamic has lots to do with age. A 50-year-old woman, even if she is pretty, in great shape, and makes good money, is still... well, a mature woman.
A handsome and successful 50-year-old guy can be a catch for a wide range of women.
It is just not the same at, say, 30. Thirty-year-olds are still young and full of potential. I think for us ladies the real decline in prospects kicks in after mid-forties. Not so much for guys. This sucks, but what can you do?


I think this is kind of a fantasy, because there really are not a lot of handsome and successful available 50 year olds. The available 50 year olds are fat, bald, and there are reasons why they are still looking at their age. But yes, the fantasy of a George Clooney type looms large for men (who think they are one) and women (who want one).

In reality, like someone said, the person with looks/personality can "upgrade."
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 20:31     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:Generally, women have a much easier time dating then men. Men make the first move and even though statistically there are more women than men, there are many more men on the dating scene. This is why men want to get serious fast - they know the odds suck for them and that women usually have higher standards


Yep.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 20:18     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Generally, women have a much easier time dating then men. Men make the first move and even though statistically there are more women than men, there are many more men on the dating scene. This is why men want to get serious fast - they know the odds suck for them and that women usually have higher standards
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 20:04     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:And anyone who would use "market value" to describe another human being is either bitter towards women, insecure or has had a troubled dating/marital history themselves.

Yes, dating in middle age has its challenges and is harder than dating in your 20's-30's but the concept of market value is disgusting and skewed.


I find it ironic how you post on a thread with "Upgrade" in the title, but take such offence over the phrase "market value"
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 11:57     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Well, I guess I upgraded. I'm now, ten years post-divorce, marrying a wonderful kind man who I love with all my heart, and he loves me back tenfold. It is apples and oranges to my previous marriage. I'm happy. It took me a while to recognize the feeling.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 10:21     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:If all these women "upgraded" after divorce, why do young women do such a terrible job picking mates when younger?


Why do young men do a bad job? Women file for 60% of divorces, men foe the other 40. It's hardly endemic.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 09:34     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
If all these women "upgraded" after divorce, why do young women do such a terrible job picking mates when younger?
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 09:29     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:I would think that for many divorced women, being single is an "upgrade" in itself.


Agree.

Seems like most men just can't stand being alone so they seem to remarry pretty quickly no matter the reason for the divorce. Women often seem to enjoy the independence that divorce brings and often don't remarry until much later, if at all.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 09:11     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:I would think that for many divorced women, being single is an "upgrade" in itself.


YES! thank you. I haven't been this happy and free since I was in my late teens/early 20s. No desire to enter a long-term relationship/partner up/remarry again. Never having to put a man's needs equal to, or above, my own when I don't feel like it? Bliss.

-- divorced mom in upper NW

(and for the internet harpies who are sure to say 'well duh, that's why you're divorced,' no. I spent almost 20 years massaging the needs and whims and choices of exH and did a decent job of that.)
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 09:04     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
MikeL wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A spin off from another thread, where they said," most men get divorced and upgrade to a younger, hotter woman. Most divorced women end up alone." Any anecdotes to buck that belief?


Um, my mom.

She remarried at 55 to a wonderful man who is way better than my father.

Please don't use this board as a baseline as to how real relationships work.

My Mom as well...almost the exact same age, too.


My mother and MIL are remarried to men who are great to them and my children and have a lot more money than their first husbands (both of whom cheated). It's karmic and has made me less worried about having to support them.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 08:57     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
I would think that for many divorced women, being single is an "upgrade" in itself.
MikeL
Post 02/19/2015 08:56     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A spin off from another thread, where they said," most men get divorced and upgrade to a younger, hotter woman. Most divorced women end up alone." Any anecdotes to buck that belief?


Um, my mom.

She remarried at 55 to a wonderful man who is way better than my father.

Please don't use this board as a baseline as to how real relationships work.

My Mom as well...almost the exact same age, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2015 08:28     Subject: Divorced women who upgraded
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The statistics speak for themselves - more men remarry.

The women who do are probably the younger, prettier, more vivacious ones to begin with. An overweight SAHM is going to find it virtually impossible to compete.


You're attaching causality to a statistic that is just correlation. In my limited experience I can tell you men in their forties are much more desirous of a serious committed relationship than women in the same age group. It is a complete reversal of what I saw in my twenties with men being commitment-shy and women pushing for the ring.

Personally, I think the main reason women get married is to have kids with a partner. If that relationship ends, there's really no need to marry again. Eslecially of the women did all the work in the marriage, why go through that again? The overweight SAHM in your scenario is more likely to lick her wounds, lose weight and enjoy being single. Once the pressure is off to find a good father for your kids, dating becomes fun.


Then you obviously have not been out there dating as a divorced woman with kids. Many, many men do not want to deal with other peoples children. Men in their forties are at the peaks of their career and "distinguished looking". Women in their forties . . .

I'm posting this not to be mean, but to encourage women who are thinking of leaving for vague "I'm not in love" reasons to really think about what the reality will look like.


Actually I am a divorced 40+ woman with kids. I'm leery of dating still but when I have made forays there were plenty of interested men. But then, I'm not looking to remarry so maybe that's the reason we've had different experiences. My friend though routinely breaks up with guys because they want to get too serious.


The caliber of available men obviously is not enough to interest her in the long-term. This is to be expected in mid-40s, although there will always be outliers.