Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible that there are so many OWs who truly believed that a man who has a family does not, in the age of the Internet? Or that he is separated -- while living with his wife and kids? Are there really such huge #s of gullible women out there? How hard is it really to check out the facts?

stupid and desperate. Usually with a really worn out, smelly snatch too.

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible that there are so many OWs who truly believed that a man who has a family does not, in the age of the Internet? Or that he is separated -- while living with his wife and kids? Are there really such huge #s of gullible women out there? How hard is it really to check out the facts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OW here. If hating me makes you feel better, I can take it.
The wife called me. He had been lying to the both of us. I don't think anyone sets out to destroy anyone's family.

OP: You had luxury of knowledge or the luxury to obtain knowledge if you wanted to open your eyes instead of your legs. Lying to you????? Have you never googled people? did you meet any of his friends relatives or children? Go to his place? Call him at his home phone instead of his cell all the time? Pick him up from work? Go to the office Christmas party? Why not?

Now boo effing hooo you want to state that you're not the evil home wrecker everyone thought you were because you didn't PLAN it. You didn't SET out to do it but at the hundreds of steps on the way to bedding him, there was never a small opportunity where you have might have had an inkling of the start of a thought - that you couldn't have just stopped or thought of someone else. No, because you got involved, you selfishly ignored the consequences, didn't do any due diligence to look at the reasonableness of his story, just accepted it because you got what you wanted.

In the mean time, I have had nightmares, panic attacks, I cry for no reason, my dreams of old age with my spouse and grand children have been permanently changed, I have had to become a single parent, move out of my house which is up for sale, my kids changed school systems, they're all in counseling, I'm in counseling. The kids as heartbreaking questions that I don't know how to answer. During all this, I had to bury my mother.

Cry me a river.

Why are you identifying yourself as the OP when she states she *just* found all of this out, yet you are clearly much farther along in the process. Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible that there are so many OWs who truly believed that a man who has a family does not, in the age of the Internet? Or that he is separated -- while living with his wife and kids? Are there really such huge #s of gullible women out there? How hard is it really to check out the facts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.

Hate her? Sounds like you should be thanking her for being the only person with enough decency to tell you the truth. She's being better to you than your husband right now, and she's a stranger!
She's not breaking up your family- your husband is. That might hurt more but eventually you'll realize it's the truth and I think you'll find strength in it. Because you have no control over all of the potential other women in the world, but you do have control over who you will choose to marry in the future.
It's very rough now- I wish you peace.

Yeah, based on this description, you should be mostly mad at your DH. Unless the OW was some kind of magical seductress, he bears the most responsibility.

Agree. I wonder how this would be playing if tables were turned and the OP was a man and the cheater was the wife. Actually, I don't wonder, I know. I am sick and tired of men being given a pass and women being blamed for mens actions. From cheating to sexual assault to street harassment. 9 times out 10 even if this particular OW wasn't in the picture he would have cheated with someone else. It's not the OW fault you husband chose to break his vow to you and cheat and lie about it. It's his. Especially since she is the one who is now being honest and your husband is still lying to you really makes one wonder why you choosing direct you anger in this manner.

Women are more likely to get a pass than men are. Trust me, men get blamed when their wife cheats and are told that he wasn't good enough in the sack for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OW here. If hating me makes you feel better, I can take it.
The wife called me. He had been lying to the both of us. I don't think anyone sets out to destroy anyone's family.

OP: You had luxury of knowledge or the luxury to obtain knowledge if you wanted to open your eyes instead of your legs. Lying to you????? Have you never googled people? did you meet any of his friends relatives or children? Go to his place? Call him at his home phone instead of his cell all the time? Pick him up from work? Go to the office Christmas party? Why not?

Now boo effing hooo you want to state that you're not the evil home wrecker everyone thought you were because you didn't PLAN it. You didn't SET out to do it but at the hundreds of steps on the way to bedding him, there was never a small opportunity where you have might have had an inkling of the start of a thought - that you couldn't have just stopped or thought of someone else. No, because you got involved, you selfishly ignored the consequences, didn't do any due diligence to look at the reasonableness of his story, just accepted it because you got what you wanted.

In the mean time, I have had nightmares, panic attacks, I cry for no reason, my dreams of old age with my spouse and grand children have been permanently changed, I have had to become a single parent, move out of my house which is up for sale, my kids changed school systems, they're all in counseling, I'm in counseling. The kids as heartbreaking questions that I don't know how to answer. During all this, I had to bury my mother.

Cry me a river.

Why are you identifying yourself as the OP when she states she *just* found all of this out, yet you are clearly much farther along in the process. Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:^^^^OP adds, yes, my husband is an asshole too, don't think for a minute that I don't think he's the scum of the earth. I hate him

See previous post for OW separate cloud "I bear no responsibility" theory.

Yes, I still think your participation in this mess is not guilt free. And I still hate you and now I think you're stupid too for not checking out his story which probably had more red flags than a bill fight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.

Hate her? Sounds like you should be thanking her for being the only person with enough decency to tell you the truth. She's being better to you than your husband right now, and she's a stranger!
She's not breaking up your family- your husband is. That might hurt more but eventually you'll realize it's the truth and I think you'll find strength in it. Because you have no control over all of the potential other women in the world, but you do have control over who you will choose to marry in the future.
It's very rough now- I wish you peace.

Yeah, based on this description, you should be mostly mad at your DH. Unless the OW was some kind of magical seductress, he bears the most responsibility.

Agree. I wonder how this would be playing if tables were turned and the OP was a man and the cheater was the wife. Actually, I don't wonder, I know. I am sick and tired of men being given a pass and women being blamed for mens actions. From cheating to sexual assault to street harassment. 9 times out 10 even if this particular OW wasn't in the picture he would have cheated with someone else. It's not the OW fault you husband chose to break his vow to you and cheat and lie about it. It's his. Especially since she is the one who is now being honest and your husband is still lying to you really makes one wonder why you choosing direct you anger in this manner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OW here. If hating me makes you feel better, I can take it.
The wife called me. He had been lying to the both of us. I don't think anyone sets out to destroy anyone's family.

OP: You had luxury of knowledge or the luxury to obtain knowledge if you wanted to open your eyes instead of your legs. Lying to you????? Have you never googled people? did you meet any of his friends relatives or children? Go to his place? Call him at his home phone instead of his cell all the time? Pick him up from work? Go to the office Christmas party? Why not?

Now boo effing hooo you want to state that you're not the evil home wrecker everyone thought you were because you didn't PLAN it. You didn't SET out to do it but at the hundreds of steps on the way to bedding him, there was never a small opportunity where you have might have had an inkling of the start of a thought - that you couldn't have just stopped or thought of someone else. No, because you got involved, you selfishly ignored the consequences, didn't do any due diligence to look at the reasonableness of his story, just accepted it because you got what you wanted.

In the mean time, I have had nightmares, panic attacks, I cry for no reason, my dreams of old age with my spouse and grand children have been permanently changed, I have had to become a single parent, move out of my house which is up for sale, my kids changed school systems, they're all in counseling, I'm in counseling. The kids as heartbreaking questions that I don't know how to answer. During all this, I had to bury my mother.

Cry me a river.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OW here. If hating me makes you feel better, I can take it.
The wife called me. He had been lying to the both of us. I don't think anyone sets out to destroy anyone's family.

OP: You had luxury of knowledge or the luxury to obtain knowledge if you wanted to open your eyes instead of your legs. Lying to you????? Have you never googled people? did you meet any of his friends relatives or children? Go to his place? Call him at his home phone instead of his cell all the time? Pick him up from work? Go to the office Christmas party? Why not?

I hope some of this anger directed at an anonymous stranger is also going to your husband who made vows to you. But I'll play. Since you seem to believe men only lie to their wives. I did Google him. Like many people in the D.C. area he's not from here, works all the time and has no friends. That's not all that uncommon just look around on dcum. He told me he didn't have a land line, no biggie I didn't either. I did go to his place. He had a separate apartment. I have met him at his job, but why would I pick him up? He has his own vehicle. No I never went to a Christmas Party and neither did he. He said it wasn't his thing.

Now boo effing hooo you want to state that you're not the evil home wrecker everyone thought you were because you didn't PLAN it. You didn't SET out to do it but at the hundreds of steps on the way to bedding him, there was never a small opportunity where you have might have had an inkling of the start of a thought - that you couldn't have just stopped or thought of someone else. No, because you got involved, you selfishly ignored the consequences, didn't do any due diligence to look at the reasonableness of his story, just accepted it because you got what you wanted.

In the mean time, I have had nightmares, panic attacks, I cry for no reason, my dreams of old age with my spouse and grand children have been permanently changed, I have had to become a single parent, move out of my house which is up for sale, my kids changed school systems, they're all in counseling, I'm in counseling. The kids as heartbreaking questions that I don't know how to answer. During all this, I had to bury my mother.

Cry me a river.

I am not crying. I never promised or sold you those dreams he did. So you hate me because I was deceived too? Girl get a grip. It's not the end of the world. People get divorced and remarry all the time. Maybe instead of focusing all of this rage on me you should try to salvage the pieces of what's left of your life.

+1000