Anonymous wrote:How did you come upon them?

It would bother me to OP.

I do not have any photos of any of my ex's because I have completely moved on from them.

If he has the pictures and feels the need to still have to hold on to them, then for some reason, he has not moved on from her 100%. I am not stating that he does not love you at all. I am simply stating that he is not completely over her.

Because trust me, when someone thing is completely over, it is completely over and nothing needs to remain.

Ridiculous. I am 'completely over' my exes, if by that phrase, you mean I don't ever plan to be intimate with them again. I am also friendly with a few of them, and I see no reason not to be, just as I see no reason not to have photos of them in my house. My spouse does not feel threatened by this in the least, and I don't feel threatened by his similar photos. I have fond memories of my previous relationships, not painful ones, since they're all so far in the past.

OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

Anonymous wrote:I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

+1

How did you come upon them?

It would bother me to OP.

I do not have any photos of any of my ex's because I have completely moved on from them.

If he has the pictures and feels the need to still have to hold on to them, then for some reason, he has not moved on from her 100%. I am not stating that he does not love you at all. I am simply stating that he is not completely over her.

Because trust me, when someone thing is completely over, it is completely over and nothing needs to remain.

I've kept an expensive Swiss watch and a diamond ring my ex gave me in 1995. They are like 8K combined - why would I get rid of them?

I threw everything out too. Those relationships ended for a reason and I didn't need to hang on to memories of them. I also thought it was respectful to DH.

I'll put it this way. My wife and I had very active dating lives - I'm her second husband. She would be pissed if she found pictures and letters concerning a woman I was serious about who I was still getting over when I met her. We talked the whole thing through back then and its not like she's jealous of her, but at some level knows this woman was very important to me and hopes that relationship is in the rear view mirror and stays there. She has seen pictures of things like a formal college dance but couldn't care less. So my point is, it's not only the picture, but what the person in the picture represents that is the driver of getting upset.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand the mentality on here where keeping pictures or in touch with old lovers is this thing to be cherished and brandied as showing maturity and a lack of jealousy. One of the best ways to stay out of trouble is to keep the past in the past.

The mentality is it doesn't lead to trouble. Only a juvenile thinks that it would. Are you a juvenile?

There you go with that self-serving attitude, oh I have slept with 15 guys and they are still friends because I liked them enough to sleep with them. But DH doesn't care because he is so confident with his masculinity.....

NP here, is this a self serving attitude or a normal one? In my world, it's closer to normal than not. You recognize there are different levels of friendship right? A text on birthdays/holidays vs a go out to lunch every month friendship. It boggles me that so many people would feel the need to pretend their past didn't happen.

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand the mentality on here where keeping pictures or in touch with old lovers is this thing to be cherished and brandied as showing maturity and a lack of jealousy. One of the best ways to stay out of trouble is to keep the past in the past.

Cherished? Nope. But I see no need to pretend that my life began the day I started dating DH. We both know that's not true. And some random picture from 15 years ago isn't tantamount to cheating.

If I kept mementos in a drawer by my bed and gazed lovingly at them before going to sleep at night, that's totally different.

But, yeah, an ex came to our wedding. Because nothing says "I'm carrying a torch" like marrying someone else.

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap my small town Midwest Catholic roots are showing again...I feel guilty for even facebook stalking my ex. Threw everything away(so I thought) when I remarried...and felt tremendous guilt when my daughter found old wedding jewelry and gifts a few months ago. Thanks for the liberal perspective DOCUM ers...

You threw out all of the pictures of your ex-husband? And you intended to do away with any memory at all of him? That seems really extreme. I suppose you never speak of him, either?

Holy crap my small town Midwest Catholic roots are showing again...I feel guilty for even facebook stalking my ex. Threw everything away(so I thought) when I remarried...and felt tremendous guilt when my daughter found old wedding jewelry and gifts a few months ago. Thanks for the liberal perspective DOCUM ers...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand the mentality on here where keeping pictures or in touch with old lovers is this thing to be cherished and brandied as showing maturity and a lack of jealousy. One of the best ways to stay out of trouble is to keep the past in the past.

The mentality is it doesn't lead to trouble. Only a juvenile thinks that it would. Are you a juvenile?

There you go with that self-serving attitude, oh I have slept with 15 guys and they are still friends because I liked them enough to sleep with them. But DH doesn't care because he is so confident with his masculinity.....

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand the mentality on here where keeping pictures or in touch with old lovers is this thing to be cherished and brandied as showing maturity and a lack of jealousy. One of the best ways to stay out of trouble is to keep the past in the past.

The mentality is it doesn't lead to trouble. Only a juvenile thinks that it would. Are you a juvenile?

Eh, I don't know. But then again a bunch of shelves an ex made for me are holding my kids toys and books in their playroom and my husband regularly asks for "Brett's carrots", a recipe from a hippie guy involving ginger and carrots, so we truly don't care about exes.
I once found a picture of a girl in a bra from a trip he took to Europe in his 20's and ended up taking her side when he told me the story of how she went on the trip thinking they were bf/gf and he broke up with her when they got back. Poor girl spent a lot of money!
Anyways, OP, she's his ex and you are not. Congrats on the baby and enjoy

I like those photos. They show me how young and pretty I was. Nothing to be ashamed of. It is all in the past.

Everyone has a past. It is sad you want to throw out something that does not belong to you.

Grow up!