Anonymous
Post 01/19/2015 09:07     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Apparently reading comprehension is an issue. I said I will NOT ask.

I do think that it is weird, though. And i don't care if it isn't my business. I am allowed to think it is weird. I am also allowed start assuming they aren't having kids. Everyone else assumes they are and wants me to save crap for them and i have been. Done. You are all right. It is none of my business so I won't save stuff.

I totally get it and apparently some of you are SUPER bothered by me asking the question. But, notwithstanding PPs comments, it is an elephant in the room if NO ONE is allowed to ask about it. That is actually exactly what an elephant in the room is. Something that everyone knows is there but no one will discuss. They have been together a decade, they have been married over 4, they are apparently healthy, have good jobs. She is 35! What is next? Since they said they want kids, isn't that next? Right???? So the fact that no one asks is because it is an elephant in the room--and it is awkward!! And the way she snuggles up on the latest baby makes it seem even more appropriate to ask. But no on does. Elephant is NOT in my head!

You sound awful. And a bit nutty.


OP You sound like you are all ready to be the baby expert for this couple, who may or may not even want children. Stop saving things for them as an excuse to but inot their business. And it sounds like you are jealous of their "party life style"
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2015 08:56     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Here's my rule of thumb. If you're close enough, they would tell you if they wanted people to know. If you're not that close, don't ask.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2015 08:55     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
I wouldn't. My sister went through hell trying to get pregnant. She was very private about it and the only people who knew were her DH and me. She suffered an absolutely horrible loss at around 4.5 months and was told that her chances of carrying a fetus to term were basically zero due to the issues they discovered. Every time people asked her about kids, she was crushed and I suspect had many ruined nights out because of it. They ended up adopting in the end, so at least she's happy now.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2015 08:50     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Why don't you just ask your sibling, in private? If that seems awkward to you to do, then keep your mouth shut. Just don't bring it up at the dinner table or in front of a room full of people.

I have a feeling the sibling is your brother, and what you really want to do is find out if your SIL is the one holding out on having kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 01:23     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
I have no kids and wonder the same thing, whether it's appropriate to ask my sister if she's planning on having any.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 00:14     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Did op mention their ages or did i miss it?

If this were me, i would be shocked if no one in my family asked. I would certainly ask a sibling, but would never ask a friend.

PPs story about the vacation at the beach does give me pause though. Im sorry.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 23:34     Subject: Re:Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
My brother, who has 4 kids, asked me this question while on a family vacation. I had been going thru infertility treatments for 4 years and had just decided to stop. No one except my husband knows.

When I was asked - I felt embarrassed and very sad. Not sure why I felt embarrassed, but I did. It caught me off guard and I realized that people were talking about this behind my back and he finally had the nerve to just ask. I lied and said we didn't want kids and he went on to say what great parents we would be. I wet into the ocean and shed some tears and my vacation was ruined.

My advice - don't ask.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 22:06     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
If you can't ask your sibling that basic quiet in, who can you ask? Big deal. If the answer is a big to-do, they'll cut the topic short or launch into it.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 20:47     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind someone asking me if it was in a small/intimate kind of settling and as long as I wasn't pestered everytime we met.


Same here. This isn't something you bring up over a big family dinner, but if you ask from a place of concern and love in a private moment, I don't think it is wrong.


No, it's not your business.


Apparently our family's operate on very different levels of intimacy. Neither is right or wrong, just different.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 20:42     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Anonymous wrote:Why is it any of your business? Why the burning desire to know? I don't understand about the vacation.

I guess really though, it depends on your relationship with your sibling. I wouldn't bat an eye if my siblings asked me that question.


This. no forum can give you the right answer- there is no one way to have a relationship with your sibling.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 13:57     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
If you're close enough to ask the question of your sibling that it's appropriate, you also would already know the answer because they'd be talking to you about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 13:53     Subject: Re:Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
I’m child free by choice and I am fine with people asking me about my plans out of curiosity. The problem sometimes comes with how they react once I tell them. OP, it sounds like you’d be someone to react in a way that would challenge their choice if they are in fact choosing to not have children (asking “but why?”, telling them that you didn’t know true fulfillment until you had kids, etc). What would you say if they told you they’re not planning on kids?
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 12:28     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
Not everyone stops drinking and loses weight when they are trying to get pregnant. -chubby mom who almost named her kid Margarita
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 11:45     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
"I am just reminded of the thread on here a few weeks ago where a person without kids asked about people being hostile to people who don't want kids. I am not hostile but I just wonder if they have made a choice--it is normal to wonder. They have been together a long time and they aren't getting any younger. "

I briefly wonder about a lot of things that are none of my business, but I don't ask anyone about these things.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2015 11:41     Subject: Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids
If you're going to ask anyone, ask your sibling, not the in law. I think that question is fair game, but some families have a bunch of off limits topics - doesn't sound like yours is one of those.