Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything wrong with the email and I would help out as much as I could. What's the big deal?

yes, THIS!

Anonymous wrote:What "chores" are so overwhelming for 2 adults and a baby? Seriously? When we had a our first, we really never created that many dishes that a run with the dishwasher couldn't handle every couple of days. As for laundry, again, there wasn't THAT much that one spouse couldn't handle it. Vacuuming and dusting? I would never ask anyone to do that. How much mess can these people accumulate that they need help?

Well when I had a newborn he hated to be put down ever and my husband was working 30 hour shifts, so...I could have used some help!

I'm embarrassed for you OP. What kind of person shares this about their family on a pubic forum. Your SIL maybe crass but you are just gross.

Anonymous wrote:

I think the parents asking for help with chores was an honest plea for help and not a rude demand. I think most of us would never ask but would have loved it.

No, it's rude, presumptuous and unbelievably lazy. I would never have welcomed my friends into my home with the expectation of having them scrub my toilets or do my laundry. Ever. Under any circumstances. And I'd feel horrified and humiliated if they took it upon themselves to do these things on my behalf. Being a parent is learning to multitask. And I genuinely don't understand why new parents are incapable of putting dirty clothes in a washing machine - it's not like they're doing any real work in the process.

I had 2 kids, and no help for either of them. I think I got one meal each time. It's not rocket science, folks, have some freezer meals or order take-out or get prepared foods from a grocery store. Having a new baby was hard both times, but honestly it was the baby part - not the laundry or the cooking.

I'm sorry that you don't have more loved ones who came to help you. I was in pain, sleep deprived and very overwhelmed. My mom stayed with me for the first 2 weeks. My friends and family brought me meals and gifts. I was very grateful when my friends would load the dishwasher for me after eating the meal they brought for me while I nursed. When the second child was born, my friends would come play with the older child and help clean up. They would even vacuum if they saw crumbs on the floor. I sincerely appreciated this. I never asked. They just gave me a hand.

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't think the email is that crazy and I would gladly do any of those things for someone who I cared about. You are a crappy sister for posting this.

X 2.

People SHOULD have the attitude of coming over to help and serve. Not just see the baby. Unfortunately, many people do not. Clearly the mom is having issues in breastfeeding, diet, and she had a tough recovery. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks of the mother's recovery.

For me - I had a LONG bedrest, c-section recovery, and NO ONE helped with ANYTHING. No dinner, no food, no nothing. They all assumed others were doing it. I was too shy to ask for help walking my dog. Poor thing barely got exercise those weeks. In hindsight, it made things very stressful for me and DH while I was trying to get adjusted as a new mom.

If it was a mass email to a select group of family - I think her laying everything out removed any room for doubt. Good for SIL for learning the ropes quickly and laying down the law with her expectations. At least she won't be disappointed if someone comes over. If they don't come over - she is probably ready to deal with that.

If I needed help I would ask my mom or sister. If they weren't available I would have my DH do it or hire someone. That's actually what we had to do for DC #2 because I had a csection. If you don't want visitor - say that.

Actually, the actual email isn't so terrible. It sounds like they went through a lot with a difficult pregnancy and delivery, and the baby's health is an issue.

Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

What "chores" are so overwhelming for 2 adults and a baby? Seriously? When we had a our first, we really never created that many dishes that a run with the dishwasher couldn't handle every couple of days. As for laundry, again, there wasn't THAT much that one spouse couldn't handle it. Vacuuming and dusting? I would never ask anyone to do that. How much mess can these people accumulate that they need help?

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't think the email is that crazy and I would gladly do any of those things for someone who I cared about. You are a crappy sister for posting this.

+1

I actually don't think the email is that crazy and I would gladly do any of those things for someone who I cared about. You are a crappy sister for posting this.

I think the parents asking for help with chores was an honest plea for help and not a rude demand. I think most of us would never ask but would have loved it.

No, it's rude, presumptuous and unbelievably lazy. I would never have welcomed my friends into my home with the expectation of having them scrub my toilets or do my laundry. Ever. Under any circumstances. And I'd feel horrified and humiliated if they took it upon themselves to do these things on my behalf. Being a parent is learning to multitask. And I genuinely don't understand why new parents are incapable of putting dirty clothes in a washing machine - it's not like they're doing any real work in the process.

I had 2 kids, and no help for either of them. I think I got one meal each time. It's not rocket science, folks, have some freezer meals or order take-out or get prepared foods from a grocery store. Having a new baby was hard both times, but honestly it was the baby part - not the laundry or the cooking.

I am Asian and the mom is supposed to rest for 30 days. Most moms come and help while the new mother heals. I got both my mom, MIL and paid help on top of DH's help. I still think that email is obnoxious to ask friends and family to help with chores. Pay for help or ask your immediate family members (mom, dad, brother, sister). You should not send it as a mass email.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it is real. I got a request to join meal train for someone with twins and both sets of parents who rented apartments close by to help for the first 6 months.
Meal train had laundry list of do s and don'ts plus suggestions of errands we could run including picking up/dropping off hisbands dry cleaning.

Holy shit. What the hell were both sets of parents there for?

I don't want to derail this thread, but it was just as hilarious and "world is rotating around us" that I will share some of the best parts:
1. How to pronounce the kids names, acceptable versus unacceptable nicknames " Annie is ok, but no Anna banana please" ( made up to protect identity)
2. Errands did include picking up husbands dry cleaning, but also dog walking and toiletries like laundry detergent, paper towels etc were suggested
3. Signs that you needed to leave included babies crying, but also they wanted you to run the errands and clean during this time.
4. I'm pretty sure there was something about monetary donations [b]like a cheery " feel free to leave a nice surprise for the new parents in the money jar " or something that effect.
Of course I never saw said money jar since I never ever went over there.

Holy crap. How I wish my BILs would marry and be subjected to THIS kind of DIL! Oh, pretty please with a cherry on top!!!! This would make me so happy.

PP. Just saw this addendum.
This is horrible.

The mom is sleep deprived, newly excited, and overdoing it. But can you blame her? The email could have very well been advised on any other forum for how to limit guests.

Most baby articles stress this over and over and over again. Ask people to help with chores, tell them what you need, limit guests, etc. etc.

It is over the top. But in SIL defense, she is not thinking clearly with the new babe there. Big picture she will look back and probably feel bad about it.