This is how my inlaws are as well and it drives my husband and I crazy. We have decided that we no longer will use any vacation time to visit them because doing so is the exact opposite of a vacation. Our new rule is they are welcome to come visit us anytime but we will not go there. It is a disaster and we work about 300x harder with the kids then when we are at home. It's just not worth it. The turning point was this past summer when we were there visiting and I got very very I'll ( like 103 fever and throwing up), my husband got work call that he had to take and my mil brought my youngest daughter to me so I could change her diaper. Never again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP said in her original post that they are fussing , running all over , out of sorts , and she and DH are barely maintaining their sanity trying to manage them .
Does that sound like fun for the grandparents?

How many times are you planning on posting? Your definitive, weird, space-comma style identifies you (and you're probably the nanny/Babycenter poster a po referred to). Of course they run. They're toddler boys. Have some empathy, you weird obsessive.
- NOT OP

23 more times, which would make 25 times total.
Doesn't everyone's keyboard have commas?

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP said in her original post that they are fussing , running all over , out of sorts , and she and DH are barely maintaining their sanity trying to manage them .
Does that sound like fun for the grandparents?

How many times are you planning on posting? Your definitive, weird, space-comma style identifies you (and you're probably the nanny/Babycenter poster a po referred to). Of course they run. They're toddler boys. Have some empathy, you weird obsessive.
- NOT OP

^^ OP said in her original post that they are fussing , running all over , out of sorts , and she and DH are barely maintaining their sanity trying to manage them .
Does that sound like fun for the grandparents?

Anonymous wrote:I can't wrap my head around how you mention again that you and DH have to go for a run. It's a visit to see his parents , you don't see them all the time.
You need to reframe this as YOU doing all YOU can to facilitate a great visit for them , and your children , including bending over backwards to make sure your children are appropriate , well behaved and pleasant for your inlaws.
You have children now , your needs are secondary and you should be making your focus on the children and grandparents relationship , not trying to thrust your obligations on them .

OP has said nothing to indicate she is doing otherwise. I think anyone who has traveled with little kids can sympathize.

I can't wrap my head around how you mention again that you and DH have to go for a run. It's a visit to see his parents , you don't see them all the time.
You need to reframe this as YOU doing all YOU can to facilitate a great visit for them , and your children , including bending over backwards to make sure your children are appropriate , well behaved and pleasant for your inlaws.
You have children now , your needs are secondary and you should be making your focus on the children and grandparents relationship , not trying to thrust your obligations on them .

Anonymous wrote:Still don't get how two adults can't handle their two kids...

I'm camped out with you. As someone else said unless OP has a full-time nanny at home the two parents should be able to manage their kids. My guess is OP and her DH had full-on expectation grands would swoop in and take over the kids. That hasn't happened and now OP is unhappy. I get it, your expectations have not been met, it's frustrating, but you can't assume the grands had those expectations too.

I can relate to OP, except my ILs are not gracious hosts. We're getting together w/ the extended family including ILs this weekend. We'll all be in one room with an infant and toddler. We do not co-sleep, and I'm still pumping. We're playing it day by day as we'll only be 2.5 hrs away from our house. Low expectations plus my MIL would never lift a finger. She once very very reluctantly agreed to watch DD for 15 minutes while I pumped only b/c DH and FIL were tending to a clogged gutter. On the other hand, this is why we don't spend a lot of time w/ them either.

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight: You come into their house, and they're gracious hosts. But you expect them to take over your kids so you get a break?

WTF?

+1

MIL books "vacation (not vacation) from hell" every single year, and we are subjected to our limited vacation time by her standards. No way on this green earth would she ever (ever) offer to watch our kids. {This is true any time of year, and she lives close by). I kind of get what you are saying, but if you are so offended, you need to opt out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, the general writing style of all the nasty PPs makes me wonder if they wandered in from Babycenter.

OP, it is not unreasonable to hope grandparents would give you a hand with the kids. Both sets of ours do and it's awesome! Makes us look forward to visits.

Me too! Although I thought they came from the nanny board.

Totally. No punctuation, cursing - keeping it classy.

OP here - so glad so many of you understand! Just a few things to address:

- we are in FL. It's really, really hot here. On weekends at home, of course DH and I alternate childcare while the other works out. But there are 4 other adults here so I was hoping we could both go out early before it got hot.

- of course we are capable of handling our kids. But they don't have their beds, their toys, their schedules, etc. They're overstimulated and underslept and a bit off their game.

- here's a concrete example. The family always takes hours to open gifts, one by one, hour after hour. This just doesn't work for the 13 month old - everyone sitting around for hours - but I don't want to disrupt tradition too much. If DH or I were to say we'll take him for a walk we would get "oh no, we can make it work!" So I asked, during his morning nap, if we could postpone the breakfast dishes (I'd happily do them later) and open some gifts while the little one was napping. Everyone kind of hemmed and hawed and lingered over coffee - totally their call but it would ease the stress on DH and me if just a few things could be tweaked to accommodate the little ones.

- I don't expect anone to nanny nor do I think my kids are anyone's responsibility but mine/DH's. That said, a little of the "village" mentality when it comes to the kids would make a difference.

Everyone slept better last night though, which helps. And I love the turn the thread took - you guys are great! I know in area years it'll be easier and I'm very grateful for how accommodating everyone has been overall.

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, the general writing style of all the nasty PPs makes me wonder if they wandered in from Babycenter.

OP, it is not unreasonable to hope grandparents would give you a hand with the kids. Both sets of ours do and it's awesome! Makes us look forward to visits.

Me too! Although I thought they came from the nanny board.

I think your IL's are probably thinking what I am thinking - there are 2 parents so if one needs to get something done the other would watch the kids. And they are right. Get it together for goodness sakes. Your DH goes for a run and when he comes back you go. It's not that difficult.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you people are crazy and ott dramatic. OP is not entitled, acting like a princess, etc. I have a huge family and when we're together, we all help out with each others kids', grandparents included. Of course the inlaws are being super generous with accommodating OP but if she asks them to help out with a kid here and there, in no way does that make her entitled, smh.

She didn't ask; that's the point. She expects the childcare to materialize based on how internally stressed she is and is complaining that her unspoken needs haven't been met. Smh.

Btw, I'm not in the "OP is a bitch" camp. I don't get that. But I do think that she needs to speak up if she wants something.

I get it, OP. It's exhausting to run after small children who are not in their own house.