Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:I always write "Jane and John Doe". I figure that even if you're not Jane Doe, I'm still correct?

I only write "Jane Smith and John Doe" on my unmarried, living together friends cards.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name either and don't really care how people address us, but it's usually The Husband's Name Family. I have family members where the wife didn't change her name but they have 3+ kids so writing all their first names isn't possible when addressing. I usually just say "Husband's Name Family" too. Wish there were a better alternative, but I think people know it's not any kind of judgment on whether they changed their names (since I didn't either)! Should be interesting to see how this evolves since fewer women are changing their names.

Anonymous wrote:Drives me crazy too. Before kids, most family was good about just putting both of our names. Now that we have kids it has been completely forgotten that I don't share their name. I know I can't say anything, but especially when it's his family it feels like a slap in the face, as if I don't matter anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

Anonymous wrote:Mr and Mrs Smith is correct.
I agree it can't be hard to write From/To: The Smith-Jones Family

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so etiquette experts...weigh in on this;

Neighbor has different last name than husband. Child one has mom's last name and child two has dad's. I assume the following would be correct for their Christmas card:

The Crabapple - DiVenivedivici Family

Or,

Ms. Crabapple and Mr. DiVenivedivici (no mention of kids)

(or Ms. and Mr. but include children's first names)
Sylvester and Sofia

Or, (formal - too formal for Christmas card)

Ms. Harriet Crapapple and Mr. Salvatore DiVenivedivici
Master Sylvester Crabapple and Miss Sofia DiVenivedivici

I would say "The Crabapple & DiVenivedivici Family". I only hyhpenate if they hyphenate and use both. The formal example you use is correct. BTW, I love your neighbors. Love the idea of both children carrying family names from each parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every team needs a name. When you gt married you form a team. Pick a name for your team, make sure people know your team name then let it go.

Hate the overuse of "team" as a metaphor. My family is not competing against other families. We are a family. With different names, first and last. Jane Rose and John Philip, Laura Ann and Michael Lee. Smith and Jones.


There are many places all over the world where families do not share one single last name. Many. And it's just not that big of a deal.

Anonymous wrote:If your children have your husbands name I think your name is irrelevant unless you are my employee or my lawyer or my doctor.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I don't always know how to address such envelopes. John and Jane Doe, John Doe and Jane Crow, John and Jane Crow Doe, John and Jane Doe Crow, (or any variation thereof with hyphens), John Crow and Jane Crow Doe. All of these are possibilities and frankly, when I'm addressing several dozen envelopes (or even just one) I don't have the bandwidth to deal with it or what will or won't offend your delicate sensibilities. I am sure there are very few people who are annoying you on purpose and quite a lot who just aren't sure what your preference is and how you want your name to appear on the envelope and whether there will be enough room.

Anonymous wrote:Every team needs a name. When you gt married you form a team. Pick a name for your team, make sure people know your team name then let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the changed names jarring, as I didn't change mine. It's so hard when you're trying to find a friend, say Suzie Smith, and someone says, "Oh, you mean Suzie Jones." Then when people get divorced, and someone takes a whole new name, its really confusing, but whatever it is, it's their choice. I respect that. People should respect yours.

FWIW, it cuts both ways in our house: I'm a Tyrel and I married a Stark, and sometimes I am Lady Tyrel, others I am Lady Stark, and sometimes my husband is Lord Tyrel. He gets called my name more than I get his!

The bolded. How hard is it to make a note in one's address book? Calling someone something they don't want to be called is bad manners.