Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again to clarify. She's not babysitting my kids. I am home.

I hate you more every time you respond. You obviously don't like your MIL. Rant about something else that she does because this isn't a good example.

+1

Are you kidding me? She's being respectful of you! She's encouraging the kids to respect your rules. And she's letting them know she knows where they come from. Would you rather have her disciplining your kids based on her rules?

Anonymous wrote:... the truth is that your kids won't hate you for saying no. Kids actually need structure and order, and you will be respected for maintaining it.

Bingo!

OP should be lucky that her MIL respects her and the fact that these are OP's kids and it's OP's rules. What I don't understand is whether MIL is sneaky one and does things that she has been EXPLICITLY told not to do with the kids etc. I make my own mother say to my son: Mommy does not allow you to do x,y,z when he asks for it.

For example, my mother has been well instructed that my son (age 3) is not to play with cell phones or watch animation movies unless I am there in person and decide to do so.

My in-laws and mother have also been specifically instructed not to give any cookies that I have not approved of. If they go behind my back and do it and I find out, I don't give them any grief for days. I just say that I am unhappy that my rules have not been followed and that this sort of things are not conducive to raising a child to be honest and respectful of his elders." And then I move on without further discussion.

But again, I am not afraid of being the bad cop!

Same here. It sucks. I am ok with Grandparents saying "no" and helping keep their behavior in line, but MIL never wants to be the bad guy. My own mother was an elementary school teacher and has a way of saying no while still being loved and respected.

It's hard when they're such opposites, but the truth is that your kids won't hate you for saying no. Kids actually need structure and order, and you will be respected for maintaining it.

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives nearby and sees the grandkids every few days. Whenever she is here and my kids are doing something they shouldn't or ask for something they can't have and I say no, she says "No, Larla, mommy said you can't." It drives me nuts. It's like she's comiserating with them and making me the bad cop. I think she thinks she's helping, but it makes me crazy.

For example, if she's playing with them and letting them jump all over the couch and I come in and tell them not to, she'll say "ok guys, no more jumping. Mommy said you can't jump on the couch." Or if I'm making dinner and they start asking her for cookies and I say no, she'll say "sorry guys, mommy said you can't have cookies." Why does it have to always be "mommy said"? She can't just say "no kids, don't run with scissors" or "we can't color on the walls" instead of "mommy said you can't color on the walls".

Vent over.

My husband to a T.

Anonymous wrote:You are an idiot. OP. This is her showing respect for you as a parent!

I actually agree that MIL probably thinks she is backing you up. That was my first thought at reading your post.

No need to call OP an idiot, though. It's so easy for you to sit back at your computer and judge when you no nothing about the rest of the dynamic. Why can't people offer some opinions without injecting all the unnecessary insults?

My MIL says "I would let you have more dessert but mommy says no." It's also just one such example. "I would have brought you more toys but mommy says you have enough." Never dad, mind you! That's passive aggressive!

She is actually giving the message to your kids that their mom is the boss of them.

I see no problems with that.

You however do not like your MIL.

You are an idiot. OP. This is her showing respect for you as a parent!

This is reminding me of another post a while back. Is this the grandma whose husband goes on trips by himself and she is codependent and goes stir crazy and has to visit you when she is lonely?