I do not understand this "man pays for first date" thing. If you are casually dating, via online or whatever and are having several first dates,t hat price tag can really add up.

It also feels icky to me...like then I would owe the man something. Yuck.

Just pay for yourself and keep an even playing field.

he was married 16 yrs, two kids. And he showed his bald head on date 1

OP, has this guy ever been married or is he a lifelong bachelor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheap

Only if you're entitled.

Good answer.

For all the men that get attacked for wanting sex and being called entitled, it certainly does work the same way for women who expect to have food paid for on a date.

Ew, you have issues. Asking a woman out does not equal sex. If you want sex, ask for it but don't take her out to dinner and expect it as a payment in return. She is only there because she thinks you want her company; she should not have to pay or sleep with you. Your mother did not do a very good job raising a kind, respectful son. She (and most definitely YOU) should be ashamed.

You had a point until you said she shouldn't have to pay. So...... She's an escort and is entitled to be paid for? Services of her company?

There are social customs and norms, and one if them is that the guy pays for the first date. You can disagree as to whether it's fair, you can decide to bust the pattern, but you need to accept the ramifications of not following social norms. And if he's fifty, that means his mother is at least 70, and I can guarantee she'd be mortified with his behavior.

He wore his hat because he's bald, over. That kind of insecurity is unappealing. Just wear your baldness confidently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheap

Only if you're entitled.

Good answer.

For all the men that get attacked for wanting sex and being called entitled, it certainly does work the same way for women who expect to have food paid for on a date.

Ew, you have issues. Asking a woman out does not equal sex. If you want sex, ask for it but don't take her out to dinner and expect it as a payment in return. She is only there because she thinks you want her company; she should not have to pay or sleep with you. Your mother did not do a very good job raising a kind, respectful son. She (and most definitely YOU) should be ashamed.

You had a point until you said she shouldn't have to pay. So...... She's an escort and is entitled to be paid for? Services of her company?

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post screams high maintenance.
You claim you were prepared to pay, but then you were annoyed he actually took you up on it?

I don't think she's high maintenance - the guy put her in an awkward spot. If you don't want to go to dinner with someone, don't set up a date at dinner time. Don't be cheap on tips to servers. He was fine with leaving less than 15 percent, so she had to initiate an awkward dance about leaving more money. This guy is cheap - it's not about "who pays".

I'm just not used to paying. I'm 49 and most of the men my age pay. I didn't really mind paying for my dinner but I also paid for my drink and split his. He also wore his hat, didn't walk me to my car and commented on how he couldn't believe I ate three tacos.

OP, your post screams high maintenance.
You claim you were prepared to pay, but then you were annoyed he actually took you up on it?

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't annoyed, I was planning to pay. I was more surprised that he let me. And remember he had an extra drink so we ate and drank up the same amount. In fact, he had a shot prior to dinner so I think his portion was actually more! And I forgot to mention that he commented on how he couldn't believe I ate all that I did! If I were insecure that really would have bothered me but instead I view it as a red flag.

It's the early stages of dating. You don't have to try to talk yourself into liking him. Move on.

In all fairness, the guy drove all the way from Baltimore. I think that's a fair amount of investment in time and money already.

But, the way the OP describes him, he does come across as a bit... not necessarily a dick, but just a bit tone deaf to social norms and graces.

Is he significantly older, or wealthier, that you. If either, I'd say he should have insisted on paying for everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheap

Only if you're entitled.

Good answer.

For all the men that get attacked for wanting sex and being called entitled, it certainly does work the same way for women who expect to have food paid for on a date.

Ew, you have issues. Asking a woman out does not equal sex. If you want sex, ask for it but don't take her out to dinner and expect it as a payment in return. She is only there because she thinks you want her company; she should not have to pay or sleep with you. Your mother did not do a very good job raising a kind, respectful son. She (and most definitely YOU) should be ashamed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheap

Only if you're entitled.

Good answer.

For all the men that get attacked for wanting sex and being called entitled, it certainly does work the same way for women who expect to have food paid for on a date.

I wasn't annoyed, I was planning to pay. I was more surprised that he let me. And remember he had an extra drink so we ate and drank up the same amount. In fact, he had a shot prior to dinner so I think his portion was actually more! And I forgot to mention that he commented on how he couldn't believe I ate all that I did! If I were insecure that really would have bothered me but instead I view it as a red flag.

This guy is not for you. If he's 50, he is who he is going to be. He has no social sense, he is cheap, and he isn't accommodating. He's fixed in his habits. He is old enough and at a stage in his life where he should know what date protocol is, and he's of the generation where he should pay for the first date. This isn't a gold digger thing, it's about putting people at ease and demonstrating a generosity of spirit. He's also not that into you because he didn't care what kind of impression he made.

If you're looking for something long term, this behavior is going to carry forward. Just move on.